Week Three...Let's See

This is my third week of trying to shed the last ten pounds.  I weighed myself yesterday, and to my dismay, it was the same number as last week.  I've still been feeling bloated and heavy, so I decided to try again this morning, and I was actually down a pound from last week.  So, after a week of still doing my best to eat right, stay away from dairy and gluten, but not a whole lot of exercising, I'll take it.  A pound is a pound.  Now I have 7 ish pounds to go and I've met my goal!  I'm pretty excited to see the day when that number goes into the 140s, a number I haven't seen since probably the beginning of high school, and I resolve this week to do better, exercise more and again, drink more water (which I haven't done well with this week). 

I did suffer a setback today though.  I made my kiddos some pizza buns for lunch, and my oldest has a kindergarten carnival tomorrow for which I volunteered to bake a dozen cupcakes.  Unfortunately, both the pizza buns and the cupcakes mysteriously made their way into my watering mouth.  In my defense, the buns were whole wheat and there wasn't a whole lot of cheese on them (I made the pizzas myself too, so there was very little greasy gross stuff on them), and the cupcakes were made with whole grain whole wheat and organic unrefined sugar...but they had nice, fatty butter icing on top.  Way to make a meal of all the things I've been avoiding!  I know I'm going to pay for it, and I hope it will serve as a remind to myself not to eat things that my tummy doesn't like.  I will do better at supper time, which will be leftovers of a slow cooked chicken and rice with veggies.  And tomorrow is a new day, so instead of feeling guilty for eating pizza and cupcakes, I will look forward to a new day of the final stretch of my weight loss journey.

I hope everyone is having a good week, and not indulging in things that make you sick!

The Shoes Off My Feet

I am a sucker for shows where real people try to make a difference in the world.  The new show "Secret Millionaire" is one of those shows.  I have watched it every Sunday night since its premiere, and I am totally hooked.  If you don't know, the premise is that a millionaire goes undercover in a neighborhood that is less than privileged, and they volunteer there, looking for people to donate some of their own money to.  On the surface, it's just another reality television show.  But what I love is that people's lives are actually changed because of it.  Tonight's episode really got me, and I just had to write about it.

The millionaire profiled spent a week on Skid Row in LA, and he found a couple people doing good work down there.  One guy was just a guy who runs a store in another part of LA, and he slept in his camper for a week and realized it gets cold out at night.  This make him think about the fact that there were people actually sleeping out in the cold every night, and that he could do something to help.  Every week, he goes down to Skid Row with donated clothes and sleeping bags and baggies full of toiletries and just gives them to people.  He hangs the clothes on a fence, and gives them stuff out of his car.  He's just a guy, doing something good.  I loved it.  Here's the kicker though.  There was an old man with a walker whose shoes had been "soiled" and were too big.  They didn't have a new pair that would fit him.  The store owner asked him what size his feet were, and it happened to be his own shoe size.  He took the shoes off his feet and gave them to the man.  I was instantly weeping.

That simple act of kindness, that seemed so small to that particular man made a huge difference in someone's quality of life.  He probably had several other pairs of shoes at home, so what's one pair off his feet?  I think there is a huge lesson to learn here (or relearn!).  Simple, small acts of kindness and selflessness are usually the most poignant and beautiful.  I look in my closet every morning and I am frustrated by the fact that I don't have the kind of clothes that I want.  All of my clothes are too big, too old, too worn...and yet, they cannot be contained by the closet!  There are things I don't ever even look at in there, and I have the nerve to say I "need" new clothes?  I don't think so.  I am one of the many families in this world who live paycheck to paycheck, and yet I have so many things that my house will not hold them all.  How backwards is that, especially when I see a man on Skid Row who's quality of life was just changed by a used pair of shoes?  Wow.  I need to count my blessings.

There are so many people in this world who have nothing, and so many of us who just don't care, often because we don't know to care.  We see the stories on the news, but we've been so desensitized to things we see on television, that it often just becomes another story in a long line of many.  But the reality is that all of us share this planet, and we are just trying to eke out the best existence we can.  But why do we live within only the confines of these lives we lead?  I am certainly guilty of this.  I have seen absolutely nothing beyond my own continent, and have lived in the same province my whole life.  I'm not saying I'm going to jump on a plane and go somewhere to help someone to ease my comfortable guilt.  No, I have just been reminded that there are things I can do in this small existence I lead to make someone else's life just a little better.  Something as simple as giving a man the shoes off my feet.  Because let's face it, my closet is full of them.

What can you do today to help someone else out?  I am going to start my days this week by thinking about how I can make someone else's day better.  I may not be able to do huge things, and in fact, most of the time I am confined to the four walls of my home, but I can do something.  I can give a man a pair of shoes.

Week Two...Better Than One

I have some major issues with my scale.  We are not friends.  We are not even on speaking terms.  Nope, we pretty much hate each other.  I think my scale wants me to fail!  Yesterday, my scale told me lies.  Blatant, crushing lies.  Yesterday morning, my scale told me I had gained almost eight pounds!  Well, suffice to say, I almost threw it out the window.  This was a number I simply couldn't accept, because there was no possibility that I gained weight this week.  So, I went about my day, pretending that the traumatic experience that started my morning did not, in fact, even happen, and I weighed myself a little later.  I was back down to my starting weight.  So there scale!  I didn't gain weight!

But I wasn't satisfied with that, because I had eaten breakfast and lunch, and had drank a bunch of water before getting on the scale the second time.  I didn't feel like it was an accurate reading still.  So I weighed myself again this morning, just to be sure.  And guess what?  I was down two pounds!  It's not what I was hoping for, but at least I haven't stayed the same or gained.  I think my body was suspended in a vortex yesterday, screwing up my weigh in.  But seriously, I find it very difficult to get what I feel is an accurate reading.

Even this morning, I feel incredibly bloated, and that things aren't "all good" in there, if you know what I mean.  I am trying to figure out what is going on with my digestion and it is proving to be quite the difficult process.  I have never had problems with it before, so this is a new experience for me.  As you know, I am not eating any dairy whatsoever, and I have cut out wheat and red meat.  It's only been a few days though, so I think there are kinks to iron out still with my diet.  I have also started taking psyllium fiber on a daily basis, but again, it's only been a few days.

I am hopeful that I can come back with better results next week!  My goal, now that I have made my diet changes, is to stick to my resolve and stay on track with my eating, and to up the intensity of my workouts.  I am still having a great deal of pain in my knee, so I'm going to have to find some ways to do cardio without aggravating it even more.  I plan on using my Wii quite a bit for that.  I have some great arms and abs workouts on my Jillian Michaels game, and I also have Wii fit, which isn't an intense workout, but could be amped up if I put a little more energy into it than required.  So, wish me luck!  And good luck to all you guys out there pushing for that last ten pounds too.  Let's do this thing!

Sans Gluten and Dairy (and red meat too?)

It's just about the end of week two of my six week plan to lose the last ten pounds.  This week has gone much better than last week!  I have stayed away from the unhealthy snacks, and I have gotten in some gym time and some great walks.  I also made some big changes in my diet. 

I have been having difficulty with digestion, gas and bloating lately, and it has been quite painful.  The obvious solution is to cut out whatever I am consuming that's making me feel this way, right?  So I decided to experiment a little bit.  Firstly, I know that I am lactose intolerant.  I don't drink milk (unless it's in a latte), but I do eat cheese and occasionally, ice cream.  Any time I eat yogurt, which isn't often, I feel like it just sits in my stomach like a rock.  Now, I am going to give up dairy completely, and see where that takes me. I absolutely love cheese, and I generally eat it at least once every day, so I'm going to miss it, but the rest I can live without quite easily.  That's the first thing.

Secondly, I have cut out gluten and wheat.  I have been feeling lately that I'm just not digesting it properly, and wheat is a large part of my diet.  I eat whole grain toast every morning, and we have pasta a few times a week as a family.  What I have done is substituted wheat and gluten free bread for my toast, and I bought brown rice noodles instead of pasta.  Honestly, I already feel better!  I also do a lot of baking with wheat, so I bought myself a gluten and wheat free muffin mix, and used almond milk instead of milk and apple sauce instead of oil to lower calories and dairy content.  Then I added some nice chunks of apple and lots of cinnamon, and they're actually pretty good!  So now I have my own snacks to eat that are just as tasty, but lower in calories and easier on my stomach. 

Another thing I am doing now is making a conscious effort not to eat loads of red meat.  It is also something that sits in my stomach like a rock, and to be honest, I am just not a steak and potatoes person.  I like ground beef in my spaghetti sauce, but I am just as happy with ground turkey or chicken.  My husband on the other hand is a typical man, and has been feeling starved of red meat because I have been cooking predominantly chicken and fish.  This weekend however, I bought lots of beef and pork for him, and got myself a package of chicken breasts that I put into single portions and froze.  That way, I can cook a meal for the family, and just throw on a chicken breast for myself so I don't have to deal with the beef.

I mentioned that I have stayed away from unhealthy snacks this week too, which I am really proud of!  I have had plenty of opportunities to chow down on pastries, cookies, licorice and all manner of goodies, but I haven't done it!  The only treats I had were actually pretty good for you.  I had one small bar of dark chocolate with my coffee on Saturday, and I had a couple of dried fruit and nut bars as snacks yesterday, which are made with all natural sweeteners (honey, raw sugar) and only nuts and dried fruit.  So I feel awesome about that.  For movie snacks I had air popped popcorn with a little bit of seasoning and no butter.  I also made myself some oat bars with oatmeal, honey, a teeny bit of butter, cinnamon and a ton of raisins.  They are only 110 calories each, and though they are a little dry (the recipe needs some tweaking), they are delicious.  I think something just snapped in my head after my escapades last week with the cheezies and chips and stupid junk.  I felt pretty rotten all week, and I made a firm decision not to do that to my body anymore!  I don't feel good when I eat those kinds of foods, so why on earth would I eat them?  Especially when there are healthy foods out there that taste just as good (in my humble opinion).

I am truly hoping that by doing these things I can figure out what is bothering my stomach, and in the mean time, it will help me drop a few pounds.  If it works, then I will certainly continue on this path!  So far, I've done really well in my resolve not to eat the cheese as I am slicing it up for the kids, or munch on snacks filled with wheat, dairy and other things I want to stay away from.  I will keep you all posted on how it's going, and what I find works and doesn't work.  Plus, I will be posting some healthy recipes for muffins, cookies and yummy treats that you can give your kids without all the guilt.  Though I hate, despise, and loathe cooking, I actually enjoy baking, and I have been trying lots of new and healthy recipes in the past few months that are worth sharing.

I will be posting an entry tomorrow after I weigh in to see how this week went on the scale.  Until then!

Week One...Bust

I weighed myself this morning, and I'm sorry to report that I haven't lost anything this week.  But we knew this was going to happen, didn't we?  I was fully prepared to step on the scale and not see what I was going for.  That is what eating a ton of junk will do for you!  The funny thing is, the chips and all that is stuff I don't usually eat at all.  In fact, I don't generally have that stuff in the house, ever!  So, it's kind of funny that I pigged out on food I don't frequently eat the first week of my weight loss challenge. 

What I have to ask myself now is, am I sabotaging myself?  Am I really driven to lose this last ten?  In theory, yes, I want it gone.  Yes, I want to be in the recommended weight range for my height.  Yes, I want to be healthy.  But I already feel great in my own skin, so I am finding it difficult to tell myself that this weight really matters.  It's kind of like I'm at war with myself.  I'm in better shape now than I was in high school, and I am smaller than I was when I got married.  I am happy with what I see in the mirror at any given moment, whether it's a jeans and t-shirt kind of day or a heels and skirt kind of day.  So, am I sabotaging myself from reaching a goal my mind thinks I should attain?  Or is it something else?  Am I slipping back into "fat Dara" behaviors?  I have to wonder if I truly think I am worthy of being the "skinny" girl. 

I don't view myself as skinny right now.  I weigh 158 pounds, and I am 5'6 1/2" tall.  In theory, I should weigh a maximum of 149, and truthfully I haven't weighed that little since I was a kid.  Probably junior high.  I spent most of high school hovering around 165, and I didn't have trouble getting a date, so now, at 158 and actually being in good shape, I feel as though I have accomplished something.  But I'm still not skinny.  In my mind, a skinny me doesn't really exist.  Is that something that needs to change?  Do I want to be "skinny"?  Or do I want healthy?  Because the two don't necessarily co-exist.  I think maybe I don't feel worthy of being both.  Which is stupid, because I know I am. 

So, back on the train.  I need to really work on my eating habits, and get myself under control.  My plan for this week is to not have junk food in the house, so I don't have to worry about overindulging.  This is the usual course of action, and it works for me.  I am hoping for a better week, with more activity and less bad eating.  I still have to figure out some way to get in my cardio while not hurting my knee.  Walking is not enough for me, but even that makes the knee throb, so I don't know what to do.  Suggestions anyone?  My predicament is that I can't go anywhere besides my house and outside in my neighborhood until the weekend and I have very little time.

Here's hoping everyone else is doing a little better than me!  Have a good week everyone!

The Good News or the Bad News?

Well, for all of you joining me on the final stretch of my weight loss journey, I hope this post is encouraging.  I have some good news, and I have some bad news.  Which would you like first?  They always say bad news first, so here it is.

This week started off with the greatest of intentions.  I had a plan.  I was going to stick to my goals and stay away from junk food if I could help it.  I was going to do some kind of physical activity every day.  I was going to lose 1.333333333 pounds.  Right now, I'm pretty sure that didn't happen.  I did quite well for the first few days, but Thursday took a turn for the worse. 

I had to pick my daughter up from school without having a vehicle, so I had to walk, and that entails packing up my 17 month old, a 22 month old and a 3 year old that I take care of, and trekking with them all the way through the melting abyss of slushy mess to get to the school (it's not that far).  I had the baby on my back, the 22 month old in the stroller and the 3 year old in tow walking.  It's quite a workout getting those kids around in a timely manner, and we had to go there and come back.  So I did that, and it was great to get outside and walk and get my heart rate up a little.  But then came supper.  My daughter came home with a stellar report card, and I was so proud of her I wanted to give her some sort of reward.  And, I didn't want to cook.  I caved and ordered pizza.  Yep.  Fatty, greasy, delicious pizza.  I ate 3 pieces for supper, and then another piece and a half later on that night.  So much for my great week of weight loss!  But that's not all...oh no, that is not the end of the story.

Friday night, my daughter and I had movie night.  We went to the grocery store to pick a few things up for my husband to munch on, and then we ended up getting chips, cheezies and pop for ourselves.  Oh dear!  This gets better.  I ate so much of it I wanted to barf!  To top it all off, I went out for appetizers and cheesecake with my good friend this evening, and loved every minute of it.  In a nut shell, I ate a lot of crap this week that I usually don't eat, and my body is telling me that it's not happy.  My stomach is feeling a little sick even now as I write this.  Definitely bad news.  Not a great eating week for me.

Want to know the good news?  Yes!  There is good news after all of the terrible indulgences listed above.  Here goes...  First, I exercised every day this week.  I did a couple hundred crunches and leg raises, I went for a couple of good walks, and I ran around outside with the kids (not too much running, but I tried).  This is good!  I feel a sense of accomplishment, and it has been so incredible to be outdoors again after such a long and disgusting winter.  So I'm happy about that.

Second, I actually ate really well, apart from the junk binges.  My breakfasts we never over 250 calories, my lunches all week long were either a large bowl of coleslaw with tuna or chicken, dill, lemon and some light mayo or rice cake sandwiches with turkey and lots of veggies.  They were filling and low in calories.  I didn't munch while preparing meals, and I drank lots of water.  I didn't snack if I wasn't hungry throughout the day, and I made some nice, healthy suppers. If we pretend that I didn't eat pizza, chips, Cadbury Creme Eggs, licorice, cheesecake and spinach dip, then I did really, really well!

I have had some ups and downs so far this week, but it's not over yet!  It's counter productive to beat myself up for things I can't go back and change, and quite honestly, it's okay to indulge sometimes.  As long as it doesn't turn into a lifestyle and erase all your good habits, I see no reason to be guilt ridden because I ate some pizza.  I can decide right now to make better choices from this moment forward.  I made my ten pound plan on the 8th, and it's only the 12th, so I still have three more days to put down the junk and get going.  I haven't weighed myself yet, but I'm pretty sure I haven't lost 1.333333 pounds yet!  We'll see though.  I will weigh myself on Tuesday and let you all know how it goes.  Until then, I resolve not to eat chips and junk, and to continue exercising every day.

The Last Ten Pounds

 Today, I have made a new resolve.  I have already lost 52 pounds (don't know if I mentioned that before!), but I have a good ten more to go before I am in the weight range that is "healthy" for my height.  I resolved today that I am going to lose those last ten pounds by the end of April.  I turn 30 on May 17th, and I want it gone before that!  I have some obstacles to overcome, but I think seven and a half weeks is plenty of time.  That's 1.33333333 pounds a week.  Definitely doable!

The first obstacle is that I am not able to do anything overly strenuous in terms of workouts because of my knee, but that doesn't mean I can't do anything.  I can walk, and I can work my arms, abs and legs if I'm careful.  The weather looks like it's going to start cooperating with us, so walking outside will definitely be on the agenda with my kids, and I can do everything else in my living room.  Now, to motivate myself to do it!  I've been pretty good about doing crunches, leg raises and weights for the past couple weeks, but I've been far from consistent, so that needs some work.  I think the reason I have such a hard time working out at home is because the gym has become my oasis of self this past year, and my home is not that place for me.  My home contains my never ending responsibilities.  It is a constant reminder of how much of myself I pour into others, and so when I need me time, workout time, my house is not the place I crave. 

The second obstacle, as always, is my eating.  While I have a healthy diet, and have been really great about choosing healthier options for snacks and meals, I still have a tendency to eat when I don't need to.  I also have a sweet tooth, which is so often my downfall.  Most of the time I am pretty good at moderation, but sometimes it all goes out the window and I can't seem to stop myself!  I don't overdo it so much that I gain weight, but it sure as heck doesn't help me lose any.  I also don't drink enough water.  Not by a long shot!  I drink lots of coffee (no cream, sugar or other yucky contaminants), and while I love it, it totally dehydrates me.  Today I set two goals for myself.  The first one was to drink a minimum of two 20 oz bottles of water, and the second was not to munch on stuff while preparing meals.  I am so bad for that!  I add so many calories to my daily intake by eating a little piece of cheese here, a piece of lunch meat there, macaroni and et cetera.  And then I eat my regular meal, if I get time, so there's no way of knowing just how much I am eating or how many calories I am consuming.  I am pleased to say I accomplished both of my goals today.  Every morning I need to set a goal for my eating, and be very mindful as I make my way though the day of just what and how much I am eating.

So, here is my resolve to lose those last ten pounds in seven weeks.  Anyone want to join me?  I could use the company!

Indulgences

The first thing I ate this morning was chocolate.  The second thing was coffee.  This is indicative of what I am feeling like this morning.  I need a serious pick-me-up!  Maybe it's the fact that I haven't slept well at all this week (I smacked my own face in my sleep a couple days ago I was tossing and turning so much!), or maybe it's that it has been cold and snowy all week...again.  I am dreaming of warm, sunny days where I can wear shorts and sandals, and take my kids out of the house without the drama of bundling up against winter's cold.  If it was evening and my kids were in bed, I would be drinking a lovely glass of red wine.  What is it that compels me to consume these things when I am feeling down?

My need for coffee - I can answer that one.  I am addicted to caffeine.  I wake up groggy and headachy every morning and until I drink that first cup, I am a zombie.  But it's more than that.  The smell of it as I grind the beans, the aroma that permeates my house as it brews and that first taste as I bring the steaming cup to my lips....ahhhhhh.  It's magical.  My senses perk up the instant I hold that cup in my hands.  My whole body responds to it.  It is, for me, the ultimate comfort.  I literally never go to any city without knowing where the closest Starbucks is, or I bring my own in my tiny personal coffee press.  I have more coffee cups than I know what to do with too. They literally fall out of my cupboard!  People traveling around the world more often than not bring me back a Starbucks mug from whatever place they have been to.  I have mugs from Las Vegas, Bankok, Seattle, Peurto Vallarta, and even The United Arab Emirates.  People associate me with coffee.  It is nothing short of an obsession.

I mentioned chocolate as well, and this is a love I have written about ad nauseam.  I think the way chocolate makes me feel is as close to bliss as I can get.  Honestly!  Yesterday all I could think about was chocolate, and of course we had none in the house, or at least none that was the good stuff.  So, as soon as I had opportunity I went to the store and stocked up.  I got dark chocolate, milk chocolate, chocolate with caramel inside, chocolate cookies...you get the point.  Seriously, I was physically obsessing over it.  I couldn't stop myself.  There was no rational thought going on.  At all.  It was the first thing I ate this morning, and as I put the tasty morsel in my mouth, a sense of calm amidst the chaos of my morning washed over me.  Is it the properties of chocolate itself, or just my psychological attachment to it?  I have no idea.  Maybe it's both, but either way, this is one crutch I'm pretty sure I will never give up. 

My last indulgence is red wine.  A beautiful bottle of cabernet sauvignon, an aromatic shiraz, or a delicious merlot are among my favorites.  I don't drink this too terribly often, but it is something that comes to mind when I've had a particularly stressful day.  I love to pour the glass, give it a good swirl and inhale the aromas with eyes closed.  Turn off all the noise making things, put on some soft music and grab a good book, and it becomes more than just a glass of wine.  It becomes a stress reliever that rivals no other.  I'm not advocating getting completely wasted every night, but a glass or two really makes me relax and let go of the stress that comes along with being wife, mother, caregiver, housekeeper, chauffeur, chef, mediator, teacher...well, woman. 

An interesting little fact about coffee, chocolate and red wine is that they are all rich in antioxidants.  I feel great that these, and not fast food or potato chips, are my vices.  When consumed in moderation, all of them are actually good for you!  With the history of cancer and stroke in my family, the more antioxidants I can get, the better.  So, yes, I indulge from time to time.  But that's okay!  I don't do it every day (with the exception of coffee, which I drink black so the calories are minimal and the fat virtually nonexistent), and it just makes me feel so much better.  After the week I've had, I think that a glass of wine is in order tonight...and some chocolate too!

Taking Stock

Somehow, in the past weeks/months of ice and stupid weather, I have injured myself.  I think it was when I slipped on the ice getting into my van and actually slid underneath the van itself, banging my leg on the open door.  I can't say for sure though, but somewhere in my travels, I hurt my knee.  I have had chronic knee pain since I was 18.  It comes and goes, and it's mostly in the joints.  This time it's different.  It is in the tissue; my husband actually thinks it might be my ACL (whatever that is).  I'm used to living with pain, but this is getting to be a bit much. I can't even kneel down on the floor to play with my kids!  I decided to make an appointment with the doc to see what it might be, but the earliest I can get in that actually doesn't mean rearranging my whole day home schedule and forcing parents to take sick days from work is mid-April.  Ugh.

But that's beside the point really. I don't need to complain and harp about my stupid knee and the constant pain.  I'm not dying, and I can still walk.  That's about it though!  Running is a no go, which sucks because I really wanted to do an 8 K this spring.  Not going to happen.  I took my kids swimming last weekend, and that actually made the pain worse.  I did a leg workout with lunges and squats, and what do you know?  That hurt too.  Didn't I say I wasn't going to complain?  Ha!  I'm only human.

What I really wanted to write about though was the fact that I don't want these kinds of things to lower my quality of life anymore.  I have had knee pain for years and years, and it has made me less able than I'd like to be in my life.  I also have had asthma since I can remember, and I have never really taken steps toward managing it properly.  I have always had a rescue inhaler, but I have never stuck with the preventative meds.  Right now I'm trying a new medication and crossing my fingers that I won't have a difficult time breathing for the entirety of allergy season, which is fast approaching.  It would be nice not to wheeze my way through another spring, summer and fall!  This disease has greatly affected how physical I am, and until a few years ago, it completely stopped me from doing any exercise at all.  I used it as a crutch at times, yes, but when you can't breathe, everything else seems kind of trivial.  I am hoping that I can now stop worrying all the time if I'm going to be able to breathe during my workouts.  I don't want it to stop me anymore.

Thinking about this has me taking stock of how I've lived my life thus far, and how many things I have allowed to affect my quality of life.  I am no longer going to do this!  I won't let my asthma stop me from exercising, and I am not going to live the rest of my life with knee pain if I can help it.  It's just not worth it.  When you can't even kneel down on the floor and play Lego with your kids, you know something is not right.  So I'm done with it all.  I am going to decide what my quality of life is going to be, and then, I am going to take steps toward getting it!  Why shouldn't I?

Part of my motivation for this is the fact that I am turning 30 in a few months.  I have written on this topic before, extensively.  I fear my thirties a great deal, because my mom died in her thirties.  And she was pretty healthy.  I don't want to give my mortality any more ground than it already has, and to be quite honest with you, I don't feel old enough to be 30.  I'd also like to keep it that way, so no more junk is going to weigh me down.  Not my body, and certainly not my mind.  I choose not to perceive myself as fat anymore, because I'm not.  I choose not to live with pain, and to take every measure possible to rid myself of it.  I choose to manage my asthma better so that I don't have to worry if I'm going to have to go to the hospital to be on a ventilator if I forget my inhaler at home and visit someone with cats.  No thanks!  My thirties are going to be the healthiest decade of my life thus far.

I am so passionate about this that I'm actually tearing up right now.  I absolutely refuse to live a less than amazing life anymore!  I will not accept the limits that I have placed on myself in the past.  I do not accept that I have to have any limits on what I can achieve at all!  I'm so done with it.