Sisters

My sisters and I haven't always been close.  A lot has happened in our lives that has made it so that we lost touch.  With my younger sister, there were about ten years when I couldn't see her due to circumstances with her father.  With my older sister, even though she is my step-sister, we were still close even after I moved out of my home at sixteen up until a few years ago when I think life just got in the way.  Now, we are all back in one another's lives, and today we all got together for the first time in about 12 years. 

For me, it was an emotional time and I felt myself choking back tears most of the day.  I'm pretty sure it was like that for them too.  The truth is that after being separated for so long, the fact that we share a sisterly bond has never changed.  Over the years there was never a lack of love for each other and I found it easy to fall back into step with both of them today.  My little sister and I have been back in each other's lives for a few years now, and today I just felt closer to her. 

I have probably mentioned how important relationships are to me in previous posts, and today I find myself thinking on the subject again.  There is, to me, nothing more important in life than relationships.  They are what make up life.  Having meaningful and close relationships is something I strive for, and I am finding more and more that I just don't have time for relationships that don't mean something.  I value the people in my life more than anything else, and honestly, I can't imagine waking up one day and not having them around.  My husband, my kids, my sisters, my aunts, my cousins, my in-laws, my friends - these are all people I really truly want to know and be known by.  I want meaningful and significant relationships with them all.

My sisters are two of the most important people in my life.  I remember when my mom married my step-father, and told me that not only did I have a new step-sister, but I also had a baby brother or sister on the way.  I remember my elation at that very moment, knowing that I had just gone from being an only child to having two siblings!  When my little sister was born, I instantly wanted to take care of her, and I have always felt that way.  I feel that way even now. 

So today, I hope, was the first time in many times to come where all three of us sisters were able to spend some quality time together.  I love you guys.

Is There More Than Just the Physical and Emotional?

I have been writing this blog for months now, talking about my quest to achieve a healthy balance in my life.  I have thought about writing this post for a long time now, but the truth is, I didn't really know what to say.  There is admittedly one area in my life I have shied away from talking about but something I know is that in order to truly achieve balance, I need to acknowledge this and give it the attention it deserves.  What I'm talking about is a spiritual life. 

I was raised a Christian.  Since I can remember, I've gone to church and Sunday school.  I've read the entire Bible, and at one point in my life I was even involved in the leadership of a church.  I've always leaned on my faith in a greater purpose and a loving God to get me through tough times.  In the past few years though, I have gone in a direction I never thought I would.  I fell into beliefs I was raised in, and over the years I have internalized those beliefs.  I still believe much of what I did before, but things have changed. 

When my oldest was a year old, my husband and I were forced to leave our church.  For me, it was the same kind of grief I had experienced when a loved one dies.  For me, it was like my family died.  Living in a city where I didn't have any family, my church became that for me.  Even though I had many people declare their undying friendship to me even though we had to leave the church, those people eventually dropped out of my life one by one.  My closest friends became like strangers to me.  It was devastating.

Since then, I have only attended church sporadically.  I have pretty much lost my desire to be a part of any kind of spiritual community, because I am afraid of being rejected like that again.  It has taken me over four years to find a couple of people I can genuinely call friends in my city again, and I just can't take seeing people judge others because they live a different kind of life.  Because of all this, I feel as though the spiritual aspect of my life has taken somewhat of a backseat.  I do still definitely believe in a higher power.  I would even go so far as to say I would still label myself as a Christian.  I just can't bring myself to invest so much in a group of people who will ultimately reject me because I may believe some things a little differently.  I am admittedly still dealing with some of the hurts I experienced four years ago, but I recognize now that they were just doing what people do. 

I have been thinking a lot about the spiritual aspect of my life lately, and just how lacking it is.  But just because I reject church doesn't mean that I have to reject my belief.  In fact, I never have rejected my beliefs.  What I'm trying to figure out now is how to incorporate more spirituality in my life now.  I like to see God in the things around me, and in my beautiful children, my amazing husband and in all the answered prayers I have seen.  What I am working on now is being more mindful of those things, and allowing them to become more important in my life. 

Whatever you believe, I think it's important to have some kind of spiritual aspect to life.  I have never been one to tell others that they have to believe what I believe, and I'm still not.  I don't think it's right to enforce a belief system on people, but I do think it's important to acknowledge that there could be some greater purpose or design in life, whether that be getting more in touch with nature and the beauty that surrounds us, or taking a moment to pray and recognize a higher power in your life.  I definitely don't want to be preachy in this post, and I don't presume to think that my beliefs are the only ones out there.  I do think it's important to recognize that there are more aspects to life than just the physical and emotional, and that finding balance is about paying attention to all of ourselves.  So I am beginning to pay more attention to a part of my life that has been long neglected. 

What do you do to keep your spiritual side vibrant?

Are You a Hot Momma? This One's For You.

Attention all you hot mommas out there!  Yes, I mean you - the one with the voluptuous curves and untamed hair.  You, the one with the gorgeous pattern of stretch marks across your midriff and the circles under your eyes that just won't go away.  Now that I have your attention, I must confess that any one of the preceding statements could describe me on any given day.  What I want to write about in this post is how on earth a mother can begin to feel good about her body after the havoc of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, lack of sleep, and never having time for herself.  I can't tell you that I have some magic cure or anything, but what I do have is experience.  I have been at points in my life where I haven't left my house because I hated how I looked, and where I felt amazing about my body and loved to wear clothing that showed it off.

After having two children, I have come to a realization that my body will never be the same.  I will always have to work hard to keep the fat away from my midsection, and all my sections for that matter.  I'm never going to be able to sit down and eat or drink anything I want without paying for it later.  That's just the way it is.  That doesn't mean that I have to succumb to the gravity of negativity trying to pull me down.  Sure, my body will never look like it used to, but to tell you the truth, I look pretty awesome now, and I feel even better.  Quite frankly, that is all that matters. 

When my oldest was about two years old, I realized that I hadn't lost any baby weight at all.  I was wearing sizes large and extra large, and I was completely ashamed of my body.  I don't know the exact day, or the exact thought, but one day something just snapped in me and I decided I'd had enough.  I was tired of telling my husband to shut up whenever he told me I was beautiful.  I was tired of trying to find clothing that would cover up all my trouble areas.  So I started exercising regularly and cut out the junk food and lost over 40 pounds.  The only thing I didn't do was completely change my mindset about my body.  I thought I was out of the woods, but I didn't realize that I was an emotional eater, and I gained back 25 of it after a year of keeping it off.  Then I got pregnant again.

When I got pregnant with baby number 2, I was 25 pounds overweight.  I wasn't happy with my appearance, and being pregnant just made it worse.  I gained a good 65 pounds, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea how I got around.  I mean, I was carrying around the equivalent of a ten year old compared to my lowest weight!  I vowed that as soon as I was physically able, I was going to start working out hard.  And I did.  And I've now lost 40 pounds!  That makes me 10 pounds less than I weighed when I got pregnant the second time.  I've only got 15 to go before I reach my goal weight, but that's not actually the point.  The point is that I have had to make some significant emotional changes in order to lose the weight this time, and I actually want to keep it off, so those changes better last.

I am an emotional eater.  I want to eat when I am happy, and I want to eat when I am sad.  Usually, I want to eat chocolate.  I don't have anything against chocolate, but when you eat it in large quantities, well, I suppose my waistline can tell you what happens.  Chocolate, cookies, carbs, and all manner of other goodies made me go from a size 8 to a size 12 in a year.  That was a stressful year!  In the beginning of that year, I was confident.  I was in good shape, eating well, and was starting my very first real job.  Nothing could bring me down.  Nothing except stress, exhaustion and losing confidence in my ability to teach.  So I ate.  And I stopped working out.  I so did not love the body after that year.  Ever since then, I have been working really hard on learning to love my body, and to treat it right.  Now, after losing 40 pounds again, and fitting all my old clothes, and actually looking good in them, I am beginning to do just that. 

I'm at a place right now where I still have lots of curves, but I love them.  I've always been a curvy girl, and I haven't always embraced them.  After having kids, I'm pretty sure I better get used to them!  You know what I'm talking about - those curves that say, yes, I am a mother.  Now I want to embrace all it is to be a woman; a hot momma!  Being a hot momma is wearing my battle scars from pregnancy proudly, and not being ashamed that my body has changed.  Being a hot momma is being confident enough to leave the house without makeup and still know I am beautiful.  Being a hot momma is filling out my clothes and knowing I look good!  So this is to all you hot mommas out there.  Try looking at your body a little differently; as an amazing vessel that gave you children, and love it!  Love your body by knowing it is beautiful, with all your curves and imperfections.  Love your body by giving it the things it needs to function properly - a healthy diet and exercise, and of course, the occasional piece of delicious chocolate. 

Go hot mommas!

Relax.

Today was a particularly difficult day for me.  It wasn't because I was overwhelmed with kids.  It wasn't because I had too much to do.  It wasn't because I was late and rushing around.  No, it wasn't any of the usual culprits that caused this day to be not my favorite.  It was a combination of a lack of sleep last night and circumstances that I couldn't control.  In a nutshell, I was supposed to have my windows replaced today, and I moved everything in my house around, took down my blinds and rearranged my mindset for the day only to not have it happen.  This, on top of not having slept well sent me a little bit over the edge.  I was annoyed.  I was frustrated.  I was irritated. 

So I needed to unwind.  There are a few things I do in order to unwind and relax.  More often than not I go to the gym.  Sometimes I take a bubble bath and read a book.  Other times I watch television or my favorite movie with a glass of red wine.  Tonight, I did one of my favorite things.  I took myself out for coffee .  I sat at Starbucks for a couple hours, just me and my laptop.  I got some really good writing done, ran into some friends I haven't seen for a while and got to drink a delicious cup of comfort.  Now I feel a hundred times better.  I don't want to snap someone's head off anymore (well, not most people anyways). 

I find it incredibly important to include these kinds of things in my life.  To have balance, I need to set aside time for myself to detox from all the bad and irritating things that build up during the day.  It took me quite a long time to find tools that I can use to unwind, and I am always searching for more.  If we allow the stress of life to stay inside ourselves, it becomes toxic.  Stress not only alters your mindset, but it also alters your body.  When I am under a lot of stress, I eat.  I self sabotage.  I become destructive and negative.  I don't want to exercise .  These things take a toll on mind and body, and I end up gaining weight and beating myself up about it.  Then it turns into a nasty spiral.  Because I am feeling negative towards myself, I end up medicating by eating more and exercising less, and then it just goes down hill from there.  Well, that is what could happen if I didn't have a box of tools I regularly use to get rid of all my negativity.  Instead of eating all the chocolate in sight, today I splurged on coffee and a small pastry and some much needed alone time.  I don't want the toxic effects of stress in my mind and body, and I don't want them in my home.  So I purged them. 

Stress can be erased by seemingly simple, small things.  By doing something to purposefully change your mindset, you don't allow stress to sink its teeth into you.  One thing that is important is that you have to be able to recognize what you are feeling, and have a strategy to deal with it.  Everyone needs something they can actively do to get rid of unwanted feelings.  I have written previously about positive thinking, and the benefits of it.  In an ideal world, we would all think positively, all the time.  Unfortunately, that is not the case.  Even the most positive people get down sometimes.  That is why we need to be aware of our feelings, our triggers, and the things that can help.  By doing something as simple as pounding it out at the gym, or sipping a warm cup of coffee in the company of my laptop, I can alter the negative thinking patterns that creep in and put them back on track.  I don't claim to be a professional, or to know what will and will not work for everyone.  I just know that I feel better when I am being positive and not allowing stress to have a residence in my mind.  I can only tell you what I try to do, and how I try to cope.  My hope is that everyone else out there has their own things that work.  We have enough to worry about in life without those extra little stresses.

What do you do to get rid of your stress?  Do you have something you can do to re-balance yourself, so that you don't have stress and negativity eating you up?  I would love to hear comments on your strategies and tools to de-stress and rearrange your negative thoughts to positive ones.

10 Simple Solutions to Stress: How to Tame Tension And Start Enjoying Your Life
Eliminate Stress And Anxiety From Your Life - Dealing With Stress! (Master Resale Rights)
Slim Goodbody Life Skills: Dealing With Stress

Unnecessary Dangers

In the society we live in, there is a plethora of information out there.  With the click of a mouse, we can find answers to virtually any question we can think of.  What I find astounding is that even in our instant information society we still make poor choices and put our children in unnecessary dangers.  I like to give parents the benefit of the doubt for the most part, but some things I see have absolutely no excuse - because the information is so readily available that it's astounding!

The first thing on my mind today are parents who smoke around their children.  We are all painfully aware that smoking leads to health problems, the biggest one being death.  This is something that is not refuted by anyone, smokers and non-smokers alike.  It is a hard fact.  So my question is, why on earth would we want to pass those health problems on to our most precious?  In the past month, I have seen so many parents light up with their kids near, or even in the vehicle with them, that I am absolutely heart broken!  By smoking around your kids, whether you are outside or you have the window cracked, you are allowing your children to breathe in poisonous chemicals such as carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, hydrogen cyanide, ammonia, arsenic and DDT, to name a few.  Would any parent who loves their child pour ammonia or arsenic into their bottle?  Would they add a little DDT to dinner?  NO!  So why, oh why would they allow their children to breathe it in? 

Some people think that if they smoke outside with their children near it isn't a big deal.  The fact of the matter is if you can smell the smoke, you are inhaling it, regardless of how much open air and space surrounds you.  They think that if they crack the window in the vehicle that the smoke will go outside, affecting the children strapped into this torture chamber very little.  Wrong.  Once again, if they can smell it, they are breathing it.  There is also the factor that these toxins don't just evaporate and disappear.  They cling to fabrics like clothing and upholstery as well.  Again, if you can smell it, it is there.  I would absolutely implore any parents out there who smoke around your children to reconsider!  Not only are you putting them at physical risk for a ridiculous amount of diseases (many of which are fatal), but you are providing a bad example for them as well.  Children of parents who smoke are twice as likely to become smokers themselves.  Twice as likely.  Wow.  I understand that smoking is a difficult habit to quit - really, I do.  But if your child's life isn't motivation for you, what is?

The next thing that has really been bothering me is the epidemic in North America of childhood obesity.  Recently, I have become somewhat obsessive over health, mainly because I want to be at my healthiest before my body begins to decline with age, and because I have two children who I want to set the best example for.  This is one reason my family rarely eats fast food, and why we have limited processed food in our diets.  Don't get me wrong, I am not going to deny my kids the occasional treat, but I prefer to give them as many healthy choices as I can.  If you ask my five year old what her favorite food is, her answer will be "vegetables."  This is because she has always been expected to eat them.  There was never a question as to whether or not my kids would eat their veggies.  They have to.  Now, they both absolutely love them, and often these are the first things that get eaten in a meal. 

As a society of instant gratification, we rely heavily on fast food to sustain us.  Often we don't think of what is actually in that food, and how much benefit it is actually doing our bodies.  Check out this link to see something disturbing about McDonald's, http://gizmodo.com/5662271/watch-six-months-of-a-happy-meals-eternal-life.  If food doesn't decompose on the plate, it is not going to decompose in our arteries.  Yet every kid I know is very aware of those golden arches, my own included.  We go there maybe two or three times a year, and honestly, my stomach hates me every time I do.  Not to mention that for the same price, I can prepare a wholesome and nutritious meal at home and feel much better after eating.  I can only imagine how many products and preservatives are in fast food!  Have you ever read the labels on common canned or packaged items at the grocery store?  I have started doing this more and more often, and when I don't recognize an ingredient, I will try to opt for something else. 

That's my little rant for today.  I sincerely hope we as a society of instant everything can take a step back and see what we are doing to ourselves and to our children.  I'm not saying we need to switch to eating everything organic and homemade.  I am just saying we should be more aware of what we put into our bodies and make a decision now to make healthier choices.  If we're not going to make those choices for ourselves, can we consider making them for our kids?  What's more important, that next cigarette and a convenient meal, or the health and wellness of our children?

The Monster Health Book: A Guide to Eating Healthy, Being Active & Feeling Great for Monsters & Kids!
Winning the Food Fight: Every Parent's Guide to Raising a Healthy, Happy Child
How To Quit Smoking Even If You Don't Want To
The Easy Way to Stop Smoking: Join the Millions Who Have Become Non-smokers Using Allen Carr's Easy Way Method

Dear Mom

To my mom,

My baby turned one year old this week, and your baby is turning twenty one in a few short weeks herself.  I feel like I have lived a whole lifetime without you, but your legacy continues.  In my beautiful sister, your baby girl, I see your face.  I see your warm heart and your compassion.  I see your smile, your hair, and your essence.  In my children I see your determination, your carefree attitude, your mischievous sense of humor and your artistic skill. 

Even though you've been gone from my life for as long as I had you, I still feel like I see you every day.  Though you aren't physically with me, I see what you have passed along to your daughters and granddaughters.  You were one of the most beautiful people I have had the privilege of knowing, and I am so happy that parts of you continue on.

I wish you could be here to see your grandbabies grow and learn and develop.  They are remarkable people, and I am bursting with pride about them.  I wish you could see how far I've come, and how much I've conquered to have a life I am truly happy with.  I wish you could see your baby girl turn twenty one and take her life into her own hands with strength and determination.  You would be so proud.

I really miss you right now, and I know I will miss you for the rest of my life.  You were a good mother, and I think if you were here now, we would be good friends too.  I hope I live up to all you wanted for me.  I emulate you when I parent my children, and because of this, I know that they will never doubt that I love them and want what is best for them.  I wish they could know you in person, but I take comfort in the fact that my sister, myself and they themselves carry on your spirit.

I love you mom.

Perspectives in the Mirror

I have always had a pretty distorted perception of what I look like.  It's always quite difficult to actually see myself as I am, and not how I think I am.  Do you ever have this?  There have been some points in my life when I have looked in the mirror and thought to myself, Wow, I look pretty darn good!  More often than not though, I look and see only my flaws.  My skin is blotchy, my eyes look tired, I have a double chin, I have big thighs, my stomach is flabby, I have a booty the size of...well, you get the picture.  More often than not, I see the things about myself I wish I could change and not the things I like. 

Well, lately that pattern has been a little different.  On several occasions, I have gotten dressed in the morning, surveyed the results and felt good about what I saw.  On these occasions I didn't only see thighs, which are admittedly shrinking.  I didn't see extra flab and curves where I don't want them.  I saw someone who has been working really hard to shape my body into an efficient machine, and I was happy.  

I've also always hated catching my reflection in windows and mirrors as I walk by.  I always think my butt sticks out too far and that things are just too big.  Again, all I used to see were the things I hated!  Well, tonight, not for the first time, I caught my reflection as I walked by some windows at the gym and I didn't cringe.  Not even a little.  I thought to myself, Geez, you look awesome!  Imagine that.  I was using positive self talk without even knowing it! 

Well, the truth of the matter is that I have lost a lot of weight since the birth of my almost one year old.  I am actually at a lower weight now than I was when I got pregnant.  I'm also in great shape.  I can run, walk, do cardio, and lift weights all without feeling like I'm going to die every step of the way.  I actually like working out.  I have gone from a size 18 to a size 10 (8 if it's stretchy).  So, I guess all this positivity and hard work is actually doing something to my brain.  Instead of seeing all the things I want to change about my body, I see how far I have come, and how incredible I look after all that hard work.  I still have quite a ways to go before I reach my goal, but I acknowledge that I am well on my way, and I am so proud. 

I know I'm not alone in this distorted view I often have of myself.  I know there are so many women, if not all of them, whose negativity manifests itself in the mirror.  We see a distorted image of what is really there, and we allow that lie to get us down and perpetuate itself.  Again, the whole positive self talk thing is such a must if we want to change.  It all begins in the brain, especially if you want a lasting change!  In the past 6 years, I have been borderline obese, and I have been at the lowest weight of my life.  Right now, I am on the lower end of overweight for my height.  When I was skinny, I told myself that I was never going to be that fat again, but honestly, I didn't fully understand what it would take to change my life around completely.  I did a really good job, and I only gained some of the weight back, but I did so because I was being negative.  I had a very difficult year, and I ate my way through it instead of staying positive, telling myself that I could do it and sticking to my active lifestyle.  I can see how I sabotaged myself now.  I see how I began to feel terrible about myself and how it eventually manifested in the mirror.

I hope we can beat this sickness one day.  I hope we can start to see ourselves as beautiful, wonderful human beings despite our flaws.  I hope the inner dialogue of humanity changes significantly, so that we can unleash the power within ourselves and create better lives.  Here's the thing though.  It starts with you and me.  If we don't begin with just us, we're never going to get anywhere.  I can talk about making positive changes in my life until I'm blue in the face, but it's meaningless unless I am actually making those changes myself. 

So here I am, starting with something so tiny as liking what I see in the mirror.