Thanks for the wise words John Donne

John Donne had it right when he said, "No man is an island entire of itself..."  That line is quoted so often because we, as human beings, recognize that we tend to want human connection.  The connections we have with people are directly related to our happiness.  For me, solitude, self reflection and quiet are very important.  But in balance with having meaningful relationships.

I spent many years isolating myself from others.  There were many reasons for it, and it wasn't something I did on purpose.  When I feel overwhelmed, unhappy, or struggling with something emotionally, I retreat inward.  The only person I have ever felt completely safe with is myself.  I have had a lot of practice with this.  The thing is, this practice can be so destructive.  It's interesting; while we are trying to keep ourselves safe, classic self-preservation technique, we are actually doing the opposite.  The really sad thing is that sometimes, we don't realize this until it is too late.  It takes a lot of effort to be open with others, and it's really scary.  We risk being hurt, disappointed, or worse.  Is that risk worth it?

I think maybe it is.  For me, as for many, it takes a lot of purposeful effort to be vulnerable.  I am a very closed person, and not very many get to see what's really in there. (As I think about this, I think how funny it is that I write a blog that explores my feelings, because that is a very public way to do things.  Anonymity is a great thing!)  As I go through the process of being a more open person, letting go of my insecurities and fears, I think that it is definitely worth it.  There's something so freeing about being able to trust people enough to divulge the core of yourself.  My dad is a prime example of this kind of relationship.  He knows me better than anyone on the planet I think.  And still, I have retreated from him in the past decade.  As I start to be real with him again, and see that no matter what I tell him, what I do, what I show him, I'm reminded that he still loves me exactly the same as he did the day I was born. 

Not everyone deserves this openness.  In my mind, they have to earn it.  But when they do, I think maybe I am ready to stop being such an island.  Human connection is a powerful thing.