My daughter starts kindergarten tomorrow. Kindergarten. My little cherub with the chubby cheeks and stickin out ears is going to school. She can count to 100, she can sound out words, she can draw better than I can. How did this happen? Where did the time go? I feel like a broken record these days, wondering what the heck happened to speed time up over the past ten years. Wasn't I just in university? Wasn't I just married? Wasn't I just pregnant? Nope. Time has passed, and it has left me behind. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this boat.
So, tomorrow when I drop my daughter off at school for the very first time, will I cry? Yes. Will I be proud? Incredibly. Will I want to stay all afternoon to make sure her teacher is doing everything right and realizing her full potential as the gifted child she is? YES...I am a teacher after all.
So, how do I make all this SLOW down a little? This one baffles me. My baby, who I swear is a newborn, will be one in a month and a couple days. ONE! Are you kidding me? Where did that year go? I suppose the same time fairy who stole my oldest girl's first five years stole my little one's first year too. Damn time fairies! I would like to lock you up and send you far, far away so I can just enjoy my life, thank you very much.
But seriously, we only have today right? The past ten years have gone by at lightning speed for me, and I know the next ten will go even faster. I need to take a step back and enjoy it. I would love to just hit the pause button and freeze my kids where they are, or even rewind a little, but alas, this is not a reality. I suppose I have to really make the most of what I have, and the moments to come. I can't let my life pass me by. These events are really making me think that I shouldn't wait to live. I should cherish each and every moment I have right now, and not get tied up in knots about the future. Tomorrow when I drop my kid off at school, I will take a mental snapshot of the moment she walks away from me, and file it under "Important Stuff I Don't Want to Forget."
Man, I feel old today. Why am I not 18 any more? Wasn't I just that young yesterday? Where did it all go?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Inner Dialogue of a Frazzled Mommy
I have been really into everything MOM these days. I have been very active on a forum for moms, and have been so interested in hearing the perspectives of other mothers and how they deal with their children and the tough circumstances that arise. I love that more and more moms are not pretending to be perfect anymore, and that they are talking about their struggles! Because let's face it, every single day as a parent is a struggle. EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Because I want to be a good mother, I try to really censor what comes out of my mouth in front of the kids. I sometimes feel like screaming, "Shut up!", but instead I smile and nod my head, or patiently say, "Mommy needs a little bit of quiet time right now, please go play in your room." This practice has taken me years to do somewhat successfully, and I still falter from time to time. Sometimes I catch myself mid-word, and it turns into, "Shush," because I really don't believe a kid needs to learn how to say shut up from their parents.
I have a five year old, and let me tell you, this age is particularly trying for me. She never stops. Even when she is on the brink of sleep, her lips are still moving. "Mom, what if...?", "Mom, why...?", "Mom, can I...?". It honestly drives me to the brink of madness. In my logical mind, I know I should be happy that she is so inquisitive and talkative, because she is engaging her brain in meaningful learning. In my logical mind, I should be able to patiently answer her questions. In my real mind, I am wearily wishing she would just stop, just give me a few moments of peace. In my real mind, I am actively pushing down annoyance and putting an enthusiastic smile on my face and answering the barrage of questions that is forever coming.
Something my five year old also does is scream. Oh my goodness, does she ever scream. She has no concept of volume control, and I am constantly telling her to bring her voice down. She constantly forgets. The screams escape like they are coming out of their own accord, and she seemingly has no control over it. I catch myself saying 5, 6, 18 times a day, "No screaming in the house!", while I'm shouting...Yes, I have to shout. It's the only way she will hear me. Sometimes I want to get some duct tape and stick it over her mouth, but I know it won't do any good. She will still scream. She's five. Inside my head, I am the one screaming though, and between the outer noise and loud inner dialogue, I give myself a big fat headache. Not to mention the baby is picking up the habit as well.
My almost 11 month old drives me equally as crazy. She's at the stage where she is into absolutely everything, and thinks it's a game when I say no. I say to her in my sternest mommy voice, "No, do not climb the stairs," and she laughs and climbs faster. I say to her, "Yucky, don't put that in your mouth," and she smiles and proceeds to put it in her mouth. I fully realize that she is a baby, and doesn't fully understand yet. But she does understand the word 'no'. She most certainly does. In my mind, I am saying, "Oh my goodness, can I just sit down for a moment please? Do you have to find the smallest piece of lint on the floor and put it in your mouth? Yes, I guess I do have to vacuum...again." On the outside, I often appear like I am calm and happy, simply taking the object from her, or pulling her off the stairs for the umpteenth time. I'm like a broken record.
How many times in the middle of the night have I said to myself, "When am I going to be able to just sleep?" in sheer and utter frustration? Millions, gazillions, a ridiculous number of times. I, like every other mother of young children, am exhausted, perpetually. I run on caffeine and sheer force of will. This just adds to the strain, to say the least. Sometimes I think that if I could just get some sleep, all the other stuff would be easier to deal with. But alas, I am not going to get any for quite some time...let's say, 18 years or so? Shut up and accept it right? Well, that doesn't mean that inside I can't be just as indignant as ever. I can yell and curse inside my head, and be as grumpy as I want as long as I have a patient smile plastered across my face. That's right, I fake it. I fake it like there's no tomorrow. Oh well, cest la vie. This is life.
I also run a day home, as you may well know. This gets a little, should we say, hairy at times. During these summer months I have had, on some occasions, 9 children in my house. Yes, I know it's over capacity. I'm not going to say no to the money. I might be sleep deprived and a little bit crazy in my head, but I'm not stupid. Besides, they entertain each other fairly well. Until someone's feelings get hurt, or someone 'accidentally' hits someone else, or takes a toy someone else was already playing with. Then it's tears and accusations, and I can barely get a word in edgewise. Yes, having a plethora of children in my tiny little duplex between the ages of 11 months and age 10 is, shall we say, fun. Yeah, fun is good word for it. Fun is when there is so much noise I think I might explode. Fun is preparing lunches for so many kids that I have every chair in my house full, plus the highchair. Fun is trying to get them all to eat the same thing. Fun is doing crafts in my cramped kitchen and spending an hour cleaning up afterward. Yep, it's fun. I'm not saying I don't enjoy what I do, but it does make it so that I really look forward to five o'clock. I have some great kids, but I like it when they go home. I'm just saying.
Sometimes having a husband is fun too. I have a really fantastic husband, but like many other men, I'm pretty sure he has no idea how to clean a bathroom. Or pick up his empty pop cans without being asked. Or do the dishes. Oh, I know he can do these things. I know his mother! But, does he? Not usually. You can imagine my dismay when I have been cooking, cleaning, refereeing, and diapering all day long and I have to pick up after someone else now too. Yes, he works all day long, and to his credit, has an incredibly taxing and exhausting job, but I'm pretty sure he can at least put his dishes in the sink. I'm making it sound worse than it really is, but this is my frustrated inner dialogue shared for the world to see.
I write all of this with the baby on my lap, trying to push the keys on the computer, grabbing the glasses from my face, giving me big wet kisses and treating me as if I were a jungle gym. So why bother? Well, it keeps me sane for one thing. For another, when am I going to find time later? I have a list about ten feet long of things to do before I head out for the weekend tomorrow, which is a chore in and of itself. So, here ends my crazy inner dialogue, for today at least. I hope that if any of you are in the same boat, you can take comfort in the fact that you're not the only crazy woman out there. I'm a prominent member of the club too!
Because I want to be a good mother, I try to really censor what comes out of my mouth in front of the kids. I sometimes feel like screaming, "Shut up!", but instead I smile and nod my head, or patiently say, "Mommy needs a little bit of quiet time right now, please go play in your room." This practice has taken me years to do somewhat successfully, and I still falter from time to time. Sometimes I catch myself mid-word, and it turns into, "Shush," because I really don't believe a kid needs to learn how to say shut up from their parents.
I have a five year old, and let me tell you, this age is particularly trying for me. She never stops. Even when she is on the brink of sleep, her lips are still moving. "Mom, what if...?", "Mom, why...?", "Mom, can I...?". It honestly drives me to the brink of madness. In my logical mind, I know I should be happy that she is so inquisitive and talkative, because she is engaging her brain in meaningful learning. In my logical mind, I should be able to patiently answer her questions. In my real mind, I am wearily wishing she would just stop, just give me a few moments of peace. In my real mind, I am actively pushing down annoyance and putting an enthusiastic smile on my face and answering the barrage of questions that is forever coming.
Something my five year old also does is scream. Oh my goodness, does she ever scream. She has no concept of volume control, and I am constantly telling her to bring her voice down. She constantly forgets. The screams escape like they are coming out of their own accord, and she seemingly has no control over it. I catch myself saying 5, 6, 18 times a day, "No screaming in the house!", while I'm shouting...Yes, I have to shout. It's the only way she will hear me. Sometimes I want to get some duct tape and stick it over her mouth, but I know it won't do any good. She will still scream. She's five. Inside my head, I am the one screaming though, and between the outer noise and loud inner dialogue, I give myself a big fat headache. Not to mention the baby is picking up the habit as well.
My almost 11 month old drives me equally as crazy. She's at the stage where she is into absolutely everything, and thinks it's a game when I say no. I say to her in my sternest mommy voice, "No, do not climb the stairs," and she laughs and climbs faster. I say to her, "Yucky, don't put that in your mouth," and she smiles and proceeds to put it in her mouth. I fully realize that she is a baby, and doesn't fully understand yet. But she does understand the word 'no'. She most certainly does. In my mind, I am saying, "Oh my goodness, can I just sit down for a moment please? Do you have to find the smallest piece of lint on the floor and put it in your mouth? Yes, I guess I do have to vacuum...again." On the outside, I often appear like I am calm and happy, simply taking the object from her, or pulling her off the stairs for the umpteenth time. I'm like a broken record.
How many times in the middle of the night have I said to myself, "When am I going to be able to just sleep?" in sheer and utter frustration? Millions, gazillions, a ridiculous number of times. I, like every other mother of young children, am exhausted, perpetually. I run on caffeine and sheer force of will. This just adds to the strain, to say the least. Sometimes I think that if I could just get some sleep, all the other stuff would be easier to deal with. But alas, I am not going to get any for quite some time...let's say, 18 years or so? Shut up and accept it right? Well, that doesn't mean that inside I can't be just as indignant as ever. I can yell and curse inside my head, and be as grumpy as I want as long as I have a patient smile plastered across my face. That's right, I fake it. I fake it like there's no tomorrow. Oh well, cest la vie. This is life.
I also run a day home, as you may well know. This gets a little, should we say, hairy at times. During these summer months I have had, on some occasions, 9 children in my house. Yes, I know it's over capacity. I'm not going to say no to the money. I might be sleep deprived and a little bit crazy in my head, but I'm not stupid. Besides, they entertain each other fairly well. Until someone's feelings get hurt, or someone 'accidentally' hits someone else, or takes a toy someone else was already playing with. Then it's tears and accusations, and I can barely get a word in edgewise. Yes, having a plethora of children in my tiny little duplex between the ages of 11 months and age 10 is, shall we say, fun. Yeah, fun is good word for it. Fun is when there is so much noise I think I might explode. Fun is preparing lunches for so many kids that I have every chair in my house full, plus the highchair. Fun is trying to get them all to eat the same thing. Fun is doing crafts in my cramped kitchen and spending an hour cleaning up afterward. Yep, it's fun. I'm not saying I don't enjoy what I do, but it does make it so that I really look forward to five o'clock. I have some great kids, but I like it when they go home. I'm just saying.
Sometimes having a husband is fun too. I have a really fantastic husband, but like many other men, I'm pretty sure he has no idea how to clean a bathroom. Or pick up his empty pop cans without being asked. Or do the dishes. Oh, I know he can do these things. I know his mother! But, does he? Not usually. You can imagine my dismay when I have been cooking, cleaning, refereeing, and diapering all day long and I have to pick up after someone else now too. Yes, he works all day long, and to his credit, has an incredibly taxing and exhausting job, but I'm pretty sure he can at least put his dishes in the sink. I'm making it sound worse than it really is, but this is my frustrated inner dialogue shared for the world to see.
I write all of this with the baby on my lap, trying to push the keys on the computer, grabbing the glasses from my face, giving me big wet kisses and treating me as if I were a jungle gym. So why bother? Well, it keeps me sane for one thing. For another, when am I going to find time later? I have a list about ten feet long of things to do before I head out for the weekend tomorrow, which is a chore in and of itself. So, here ends my crazy inner dialogue, for today at least. I hope that if any of you are in the same boat, you can take comfort in the fact that you're not the only crazy woman out there. I'm a prominent member of the club too!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Make it Happen.
I was always told I could do anything that I wanted. Growing up, there were never any walls or ceilings placed around what I could do with my life, except that it had to be something. There was never any question about that. The one stipulation put on me was that I had to make it happen. I was the one who was going to get myself on the road to success, and no one else could put me there. I was never, ever spoonfed anything, and I am very grateful for it. Having that upbringing has made it so I have worked hard for everything I have achieved. If there was something I wanted, I worked hard, and usually I got it. I still believe that I can make things happen to this day. I don't think that just because I'm almost 30, I should settle into the life I have now. I don't ever want to settle for anything. If there's something about my life that I don't like, I want to change it. I want to make it happen.
I am a firm believer that wherever your focus is, you will move in that direction. If I am looking at my current situation, saying, "Man, I am a stay-at-home mom, which I never planned to be, and I am not teaching anymore," and wallowing in self-pity for all the things that are missing in my life, then I am looking in the wrong place! Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom. No, in my idealistic young eyes, I didn't ever want to be one. Does that mean that I am settling for a life I didn't want? NO! However much I miss teaching and speaking with adults on a daily basis, I must look at my situation in a positive light. I absolutely love being a SHM, surprisingly. There are things in my life that I miss though, and instead of feeling bad for my lot in life, I am looking toward things that can change my situation. Right now, I am working hard to make something happen.
Right now, as many people already know, I am writing my first novel. I have always loved writing, and I think I am fairly adept at it. I also have an interest in teen fiction, being a middle school teacher, and a fan of it myself. So, I decided to write my own teen fiction novel, and it is really coming along! I am more than a third of the way to finishing my first draft, and so far, and I am really happy with what I have written. I want to turn my writing into cash, and more than that, I want to turn it into inspiration for teen girls. At 114 pages, it is definitely a start toward something big. I believe that I can achieve publication of my book, and the power of belief goes a LONG way!
When I was 18, I graduated from high school with just about nothing. I supported myself for the last year and a half of school, with the help of some wonderful people, and I wanted more for my life. I didn't want to get stuck working in a grocery store for the rest of my life. I wanted to be a teacher. My career counselor told me of a university in another city that had a fantastic program, so I found a way to get there. I applied for student loans, I found a place to live, and I began my university career. I did the entire thing by myself, and I even worked through most of it. It was hard, but I had a goal, and I achieved it. I got my degree, and I convocated with distinction. I proved to myself that if I wanted something, I could make it happen. I had no other choice.
There are so many people who find themselves in circumstances that are less than what they envisioned for their lives. I think the vast majority of people find themselves stuck. The thing is, if you want something more, you're the only one who can make it happen. You have to take a step toward your future, even if it's only one step. If you're stationary, you can't go anywhere, right? If you don't do something, nothing will change. I am in a spot that I don't want to be in for the rest of my life. I want to make a career out of writing, and eventually go back to teaching. I would like to be financially secure someday, and pay off all those student loans I incurred during university. I don't have everything I want in my life, and I'm pretty sure I will always want more. One thing I know is that if I don't make a move, I'm not going to make it happen. No one else is going to do it for me. No one's going to hand me a stack of money and make my life easier. No one is going to publish a book that hasn't been written. I have to get it done. So, just like when I went to university, I am working toward finishing this book and then publishing it. I don't have hours and hours to sit and write every day; some days I have maybe ten minutes, but I'm getting there. You better look for my name on the bookshelves someday!
So, my point in this post is that we are the only ones who can make anything happen in our lives, which I'm sure you already figured out. Well, what are you waiting for? Make it happen in your life today!
I am a firm believer that wherever your focus is, you will move in that direction. If I am looking at my current situation, saying, "Man, I am a stay-at-home mom, which I never planned to be, and I am not teaching anymore," and wallowing in self-pity for all the things that are missing in my life, then I am looking in the wrong place! Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom. No, in my idealistic young eyes, I didn't ever want to be one. Does that mean that I am settling for a life I didn't want? NO! However much I miss teaching and speaking with adults on a daily basis, I must look at my situation in a positive light. I absolutely love being a SHM, surprisingly. There are things in my life that I miss though, and instead of feeling bad for my lot in life, I am looking toward things that can change my situation. Right now, I am working hard to make something happen.
Right now, as many people already know, I am writing my first novel. I have always loved writing, and I think I am fairly adept at it. I also have an interest in teen fiction, being a middle school teacher, and a fan of it myself. So, I decided to write my own teen fiction novel, and it is really coming along! I am more than a third of the way to finishing my first draft, and so far, and I am really happy with what I have written. I want to turn my writing into cash, and more than that, I want to turn it into inspiration for teen girls. At 114 pages, it is definitely a start toward something big. I believe that I can achieve publication of my book, and the power of belief goes a LONG way!
When I was 18, I graduated from high school with just about nothing. I supported myself for the last year and a half of school, with the help of some wonderful people, and I wanted more for my life. I didn't want to get stuck working in a grocery store for the rest of my life. I wanted to be a teacher. My career counselor told me of a university in another city that had a fantastic program, so I found a way to get there. I applied for student loans, I found a place to live, and I began my university career. I did the entire thing by myself, and I even worked through most of it. It was hard, but I had a goal, and I achieved it. I got my degree, and I convocated with distinction. I proved to myself that if I wanted something, I could make it happen. I had no other choice.
There are so many people who find themselves in circumstances that are less than what they envisioned for their lives. I think the vast majority of people find themselves stuck. The thing is, if you want something more, you're the only one who can make it happen. You have to take a step toward your future, even if it's only one step. If you're stationary, you can't go anywhere, right? If you don't do something, nothing will change. I am in a spot that I don't want to be in for the rest of my life. I want to make a career out of writing, and eventually go back to teaching. I would like to be financially secure someday, and pay off all those student loans I incurred during university. I don't have everything I want in my life, and I'm pretty sure I will always want more. One thing I know is that if I don't make a move, I'm not going to make it happen. No one else is going to do it for me. No one's going to hand me a stack of money and make my life easier. No one is going to publish a book that hasn't been written. I have to get it done. So, just like when I went to university, I am working toward finishing this book and then publishing it. I don't have hours and hours to sit and write every day; some days I have maybe ten minutes, but I'm getting there. You better look for my name on the bookshelves someday!
So, my point in this post is that we are the only ones who can make anything happen in our lives, which I'm sure you already figured out. Well, what are you waiting for? Make it happen in your life today!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The Hats We Wear
Every person has many different roles in life. I know I have been many different facets of myself in my short lifetime so far, and I will also change and morph into many others. The underlying self is still the same, but we grow and adapt according to our circumstances and situations. As I grow, I become more and more aware of all the hats I wear; all the different roles I fulfill in my life. I have to always remind myself of who I am underneath it all so I don't get lost in my hat. I don't want to become those roles. I don't want those roles to define the core of who I am as a person. I must always remain true to my naked self, without all the garments I adorn myself with to deal with my circumstances. As a woman, I sometimes think I take on so many roles that I can easily get lost in them, and then when I find myself in a position where I no longer have to fulfill those roles, I am left with what? I don't want the essence of me to get lost, and have to go through a midlife crisis to find myself again.
So, how many hats do I wear? Let's take some time to strip off our roles and take a personal inventory, so we can dig deep to rediscover who we really are. The biggest and most all encompassing role in my life right now is that of mother. I have two beautiful daughters, and for the past 6 years, I have been a mom first and foremost. When you have children, everything else in life becomes a distant second. You have to sacrifice your freedom, your time, your energy, your sleep and your body to be a mother, among other things. These sacrifices are all worth while, but they do take their toll on a person. When you give and give and give all day long, you find there is little to nothing left of yourself. When everyone goes to bed in the evening, I tend to drop dead on the couch, unable to lift a finger. I have to force myself to do things for me, like go to the gym and whatnot. Time with your spouse or significant other becomes less, and that can be bad for your relationship. You even have to schedule time to be intimate, which can most definitely take away from the spark and passion. As a mother, your children's needs come first. Before you can sleep, they must. Before you can eat, you need to make sure they are fed. Before you can buy things for yourself, you must make sure they are provided for. It's quite the life, to say the least. Underneath my mom hat, the quintessential Dara sometimes has a hard time resurfacing.
Another role I play is that of housekeeper. I am most often the only person in my home who cleans anything, and now that I stay at home, I have found that I am cleaning all day long. If not cleaning, I'm cooking. If I'm not cooking, I am grocery shopping. If I'm not grocery shopping, I'm doing laundry, and well, you get the idea. This hat is one I wear on top of the mom hat, and sometimes it falls off. I do not enjoy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and etc. I don't enjoy it one little bit. When I publish my novel and become rich, the first thing I'm doing is hiring a live in maid. No joke. So that hat wobbles, and is probably the one that fits me the least.
Well, there are many other roles I play. One of them is that of wife. This is one I particularly like, and I think this hat fits me well. I got married at age 22, and I never regret that I did. Many people thought I was too young, but to me, it was perfect. Since I turned 13, I knew that getting married was something I wanted in my life, and I found the perfect man to marry at 19. We dated two years and were engaged for one. There are things about being a wife that mesh perfectly with who I am as a person, and it was definitely the right path for me.
Another role I play is that of teacher or child care provider. I love children, and I always have. Where I am awkward with adults, I am not with kids. I do find that I can get absolutely lost in my profession though. I want to do it all, and I want to be perfect at everything, so I pour all of myself into my job, and that can be a detriment to other things. I tend to get so emotionally involved in the kids I teach, that when something negative happens, it breaks my heart. That's my true self bleeding through; empathy to the max. I have a hard time separating what is work and what is life, and they aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. When I am not working, I find it difficult to figure out what to do. I usually make work for myself.
What I am really trying to highlight here is that the roles we play are extensions of ourselves, and that our core being is underneath all those roles. We choose different roles based on who we are and what we like, but I really don't want to define myself by those roles only. I want to stay in touch with the person I am underneath it all, and not get lost in all the details. I want to look in the mirror and not just see Dara the mom, Dara the wife or Dara the teacher. I don't just want to see the things I do. I want to see the person who chose to do these things. Wearing all our many hats at once is a balancing act, and it's important to pay attention. What we have to do is make sure we don't define ourselves, and give ourselves value by the roles we play in life. What needs to define us and give us value is the person underneath it all. I think I'm pretty good at all the things I do, and I am proud of those things. I value them immensely. But what I value most is the bare naked me. To look inward and see yourself for what truly are is a difficult task, but it is well worth it.
If we take off our hats, what is left? Is it buried so deeply that it can't be found? Is it right there on the surface, screaming to get out because what we do isn't meshing with who we are? Is it happily wearing those hats, and shining through them all the time? I want my roles to reflect who I am. I don't want to get lost underneath them.
So, how many hats do I wear? Let's take some time to strip off our roles and take a personal inventory, so we can dig deep to rediscover who we really are. The biggest and most all encompassing role in my life right now is that of mother. I have two beautiful daughters, and for the past 6 years, I have been a mom first and foremost. When you have children, everything else in life becomes a distant second. You have to sacrifice your freedom, your time, your energy, your sleep and your body to be a mother, among other things. These sacrifices are all worth while, but they do take their toll on a person. When you give and give and give all day long, you find there is little to nothing left of yourself. When everyone goes to bed in the evening, I tend to drop dead on the couch, unable to lift a finger. I have to force myself to do things for me, like go to the gym and whatnot. Time with your spouse or significant other becomes less, and that can be bad for your relationship. You even have to schedule time to be intimate, which can most definitely take away from the spark and passion. As a mother, your children's needs come first. Before you can sleep, they must. Before you can eat, you need to make sure they are fed. Before you can buy things for yourself, you must make sure they are provided for. It's quite the life, to say the least. Underneath my mom hat, the quintessential Dara sometimes has a hard time resurfacing.
Another role I play is that of housekeeper. I am most often the only person in my home who cleans anything, and now that I stay at home, I have found that I am cleaning all day long. If not cleaning, I'm cooking. If I'm not cooking, I am grocery shopping. If I'm not grocery shopping, I'm doing laundry, and well, you get the idea. This hat is one I wear on top of the mom hat, and sometimes it falls off. I do not enjoy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and etc. I don't enjoy it one little bit. When I publish my novel and become rich, the first thing I'm doing is hiring a live in maid. No joke. So that hat wobbles, and is probably the one that fits me the least.
Well, there are many other roles I play. One of them is that of wife. This is one I particularly like, and I think this hat fits me well. I got married at age 22, and I never regret that I did. Many people thought I was too young, but to me, it was perfect. Since I turned 13, I knew that getting married was something I wanted in my life, and I found the perfect man to marry at 19. We dated two years and were engaged for one. There are things about being a wife that mesh perfectly with who I am as a person, and it was definitely the right path for me.
Another role I play is that of teacher or child care provider. I love children, and I always have. Where I am awkward with adults, I am not with kids. I do find that I can get absolutely lost in my profession though. I want to do it all, and I want to be perfect at everything, so I pour all of myself into my job, and that can be a detriment to other things. I tend to get so emotionally involved in the kids I teach, that when something negative happens, it breaks my heart. That's my true self bleeding through; empathy to the max. I have a hard time separating what is work and what is life, and they aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. When I am not working, I find it difficult to figure out what to do. I usually make work for myself.
What I am really trying to highlight here is that the roles we play are extensions of ourselves, and that our core being is underneath all those roles. We choose different roles based on who we are and what we like, but I really don't want to define myself by those roles only. I want to stay in touch with the person I am underneath it all, and not get lost in all the details. I want to look in the mirror and not just see Dara the mom, Dara the wife or Dara the teacher. I don't just want to see the things I do. I want to see the person who chose to do these things. Wearing all our many hats at once is a balancing act, and it's important to pay attention. What we have to do is make sure we don't define ourselves, and give ourselves value by the roles we play in life. What needs to define us and give us value is the person underneath it all. I think I'm pretty good at all the things I do, and I am proud of those things. I value them immensely. But what I value most is the bare naked me. To look inward and see yourself for what truly are is a difficult task, but it is well worth it.
If we take off our hats, what is left? Is it buried so deeply that it can't be found? Is it right there on the surface, screaming to get out because what we do isn't meshing with who we are? Is it happily wearing those hats, and shining through them all the time? I want my roles to reflect who I am. I don't want to get lost underneath them.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Why are people so hard on each other?
I have recently been very active on a forum for moms. I find it really nice to be able to help and support other moms and get the same help and support for myself. It is so wonderful to have a community of like minded people behind you to share their experiences and help wherever possible. One thing I find though, is that moms are the harshest critics of other moms.
I have found myself judging other moms on occasion. Then I catch myself and have to say, hey what works for me might not work for them and vice versa. I am not excluded from being a critic, but I have learned that I should keep negative comments to myself. It doesn't do any good to anyone. In my recent experience, I have found that some moms can be downright hurtful toward each other.
One of the forums is for breastfeeding mothers. I find this one to be the most vicious. I have chosen to breastfeed my children, and I have many reasons for doing so. Firstly, it is healthy and natural, and secondly it is free. That is my choice, and I'm glad I have the ability to do it. Other moms do not have the same circumstances. I found one post on this forum that knocks moms who formula feed, and calls them selfish and says they do not know what is best for their babies. That really made me angry! I can understand making a choice to breastfeed or not, but it is not okay to judge and call out people who make different decisions. Another topic I have seen just breaks my heart. There have been at least two moms who have said that other moms in their lives have told them they are "less of a mom" because they had to have c-sections. My reaction was to reassure them that it didn't matter how they gave birth, but that they are mothers in every way possible. How can people say and think things like this? I realize that I am judging them right now, but I am trying to understand.
This whole thing got me thinking about how we as people treat each other, and why we do so. I have been treated very poorly by many people in my life, and I know for a fact that every other person out there has as well. The cycle just continues to perpetuate itself, and we never get any better. Do we not possess the social skills to relate to one another in positive ways? Even if we disagree, there are ways of talking about it so as not to hurt others.
Something I have learned in the past 4 or 5 years is that we often attack others because we want to receive validation. We get defensive because we do not feel validated, and then we go on the offensive. In my marriage for example, my husband and I went through a particularly difficult time a few years back, and through it, we learned how to communicate with one another. One thing we have promised each other is never to attack when we disagree. This way, we actually communicate, instead of fighting. Neither one of us needs to get defensive, because neither one of us is being attacked! It just makes sense, and I must say, it works really well. This is not to say that we do this all the time, but after a few years of being very mindful, it has become almost second nature. Why, if I love someone, would I want to attack them?
Why do people insist on hurting others? I think it's because we want to be validated, and when we don't receive it, we want to lash out and take validation away from others. If we can learn to validate ourselves, then we may be able to overcome this problem. When a breastfeeding mom attacks a formula feeding mom, I think it's because she feels her choice is being attacked, and so in turn attacks other people's choices. In my opinion, it would be better to simply love and support people, and when they make choices that are harmful, then we need to gently bring it up to them and speak to them out of a place of genuine love or care. Let's stop trying to validate ourselves by attacking others, and realize that we are simply doing the best we can, and so is everyone else. Be proud of your accomplishments and good decisions, and don't knock others for theirs. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. People need to stop pushing their own opinions on others and learn to accept and understand other ways of life.
There isn't one set way to live. Let's remember that. Next time you're feeling defensive, step back and try to understand the reason. If it is because you are being attacked, don't attack back. Point out to the person that they are attacking you, and that you are not willing to have conversations in this way. It is amazing what can be accomplished when we start trying to actually understand one another.
I have found myself judging other moms on occasion. Then I catch myself and have to say, hey what works for me might not work for them and vice versa. I am not excluded from being a critic, but I have learned that I should keep negative comments to myself. It doesn't do any good to anyone. In my recent experience, I have found that some moms can be downright hurtful toward each other.
One of the forums is for breastfeeding mothers. I find this one to be the most vicious. I have chosen to breastfeed my children, and I have many reasons for doing so. Firstly, it is healthy and natural, and secondly it is free. That is my choice, and I'm glad I have the ability to do it. Other moms do not have the same circumstances. I found one post on this forum that knocks moms who formula feed, and calls them selfish and says they do not know what is best for their babies. That really made me angry! I can understand making a choice to breastfeed or not, but it is not okay to judge and call out people who make different decisions. Another topic I have seen just breaks my heart. There have been at least two moms who have said that other moms in their lives have told them they are "less of a mom" because they had to have c-sections. My reaction was to reassure them that it didn't matter how they gave birth, but that they are mothers in every way possible. How can people say and think things like this? I realize that I am judging them right now, but I am trying to understand.
This whole thing got me thinking about how we as people treat each other, and why we do so. I have been treated very poorly by many people in my life, and I know for a fact that every other person out there has as well. The cycle just continues to perpetuate itself, and we never get any better. Do we not possess the social skills to relate to one another in positive ways? Even if we disagree, there are ways of talking about it so as not to hurt others.
Something I have learned in the past 4 or 5 years is that we often attack others because we want to receive validation. We get defensive because we do not feel validated, and then we go on the offensive. In my marriage for example, my husband and I went through a particularly difficult time a few years back, and through it, we learned how to communicate with one another. One thing we have promised each other is never to attack when we disagree. This way, we actually communicate, instead of fighting. Neither one of us needs to get defensive, because neither one of us is being attacked! It just makes sense, and I must say, it works really well. This is not to say that we do this all the time, but after a few years of being very mindful, it has become almost second nature. Why, if I love someone, would I want to attack them?
Why do people insist on hurting others? I think it's because we want to be validated, and when we don't receive it, we want to lash out and take validation away from others. If we can learn to validate ourselves, then we may be able to overcome this problem. When a breastfeeding mom attacks a formula feeding mom, I think it's because she feels her choice is being attacked, and so in turn attacks other people's choices. In my opinion, it would be better to simply love and support people, and when they make choices that are harmful, then we need to gently bring it up to them and speak to them out of a place of genuine love or care. Let's stop trying to validate ourselves by attacking others, and realize that we are simply doing the best we can, and so is everyone else. Be proud of your accomplishments and good decisions, and don't knock others for theirs. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. People need to stop pushing their own opinions on others and learn to accept and understand other ways of life.
There isn't one set way to live. Let's remember that. Next time you're feeling defensive, step back and try to understand the reason. If it is because you are being attacked, don't attack back. Point out to the person that they are attacking you, and that you are not willing to have conversations in this way. It is amazing what can be accomplished when we start trying to actually understand one another.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
It's not all unicorns and lollipops.
In writing this blog, I have noticed that my last several posts have been extremely positive. It's really important to focus on those positive things in order to maintain motivation, and I write it more for myself than anyone else. I need to constantly remind myself of those positives in order to keep them in the forefront of my mind, or else the negatives creep in and steal my thunder. I am extremely happy with how far I've come in the last few months, but I have to admit, the last few days have been a little blase.
This past weekend I got sick, and just felt tired and gross. I didn't work out, or do much of anything for that matter. I am happy to have had some real rest and relaxation, but I am also a little mad at myself. You see, while I was "resting" I was also eating. I allowed myself to get back into the bad habit of snacking for no reason, and I'm finding it a difficult cycle to break. I am an addictive eater, and I am really struggling right now. It doesn't help that my weight has plateaued this month, or that I'm completely depleted of energy. I have worked out this week, but not enough. I worked out hard, but not lots. I've eaten some really great, healthy meals, but I've also eaten chocolate bars, cookies and coconut cream pie. I just feel yucky. I know what this kind of food does to my body...we're not friends...but I can't stop myself sometimes. So today, I'm being real about my out of control food habits, and I'm admitting it to everyone.
The problem is not that I don't like healthy foods. I love healthy foods. The problem is that I also love sugar, and though it doesn't sit well in my stomach, I want it. I want it like a junkie wants crack. I suppose I'm not the only one in this boat though, right? I know so many people who have difficulty saying no to sugar. I know that refined sugar messes with my body in so many ways, and there is really not one thing that's good about it. Yet, I still consume it. I can't stop at just one cookie. I can't stop at just on piece of chocolate. I have to have more. It's best for me to just refrain from eating it completely, but then I obsess about it. I fantasize about it. I dream about it. I need to break up with sugar, and end this destructive love affair.
Another thing I'm struggling with is extreme exhaustion. I am having doubts that my being tired is just the result of a broken up sleep. Last night, I slept from midnight till 7:30 am, being woken up briefly at 5:00 am to feed the baby, but then promptly going back to sleep. I slept for 7+ hours last night, and I was really out. Problem is, I feel like I haven't slept at all. I woke up this morning with not just one bag under each eye, but two! When I'm tired, I feel cranky, and I want....you guessed it...sugar! Oh sugar, you suck the life out of me. I actually haven't done too badly today though. It's been in the forefront of my mind, and I've been eating fruit to fulfill that sweet craving. I have also been drinking more water, which I think might have a hand in my exhaustion.
Anyways, the purpose of this post is not to complain. I honestly don't want to get into that bad habit too. The purpose is to admit some of the things I am currently struggling with so that I can overcome them. I have absolute confidence in the fact that these things can be solved, and I am working on them. There is no way to overcome problems without admitting them, whatever they may be. I'm not going to let these things bring me down anymore either. Whether it's something as small and trivial as craving sweets, or something huge that has to be worked through, the first step is always admitting there's a problem. So, here I am. It's not all unicorns and lollipops in my life, and that's okay. I'm getting through it.
This past weekend I got sick, and just felt tired and gross. I didn't work out, or do much of anything for that matter. I am happy to have had some real rest and relaxation, but I am also a little mad at myself. You see, while I was "resting" I was also eating. I allowed myself to get back into the bad habit of snacking for no reason, and I'm finding it a difficult cycle to break. I am an addictive eater, and I am really struggling right now. It doesn't help that my weight has plateaued this month, or that I'm completely depleted of energy. I have worked out this week, but not enough. I worked out hard, but not lots. I've eaten some really great, healthy meals, but I've also eaten chocolate bars, cookies and coconut cream pie. I just feel yucky. I know what this kind of food does to my body...we're not friends...but I can't stop myself sometimes. So today, I'm being real about my out of control food habits, and I'm admitting it to everyone.
The problem is not that I don't like healthy foods. I love healthy foods. The problem is that I also love sugar, and though it doesn't sit well in my stomach, I want it. I want it like a junkie wants crack. I suppose I'm not the only one in this boat though, right? I know so many people who have difficulty saying no to sugar. I know that refined sugar messes with my body in so many ways, and there is really not one thing that's good about it. Yet, I still consume it. I can't stop at just one cookie. I can't stop at just on piece of chocolate. I have to have more. It's best for me to just refrain from eating it completely, but then I obsess about it. I fantasize about it. I dream about it. I need to break up with sugar, and end this destructive love affair.
Another thing I'm struggling with is extreme exhaustion. I am having doubts that my being tired is just the result of a broken up sleep. Last night, I slept from midnight till 7:30 am, being woken up briefly at 5:00 am to feed the baby, but then promptly going back to sleep. I slept for 7+ hours last night, and I was really out. Problem is, I feel like I haven't slept at all. I woke up this morning with not just one bag under each eye, but two! When I'm tired, I feel cranky, and I want....you guessed it...sugar! Oh sugar, you suck the life out of me. I actually haven't done too badly today though. It's been in the forefront of my mind, and I've been eating fruit to fulfill that sweet craving. I have also been drinking more water, which I think might have a hand in my exhaustion.
Anyways, the purpose of this post is not to complain. I honestly don't want to get into that bad habit too. The purpose is to admit some of the things I am currently struggling with so that I can overcome them. I have absolute confidence in the fact that these things can be solved, and I am working on them. There is no way to overcome problems without admitting them, whatever they may be. I'm not going to let these things bring me down anymore either. Whether it's something as small and trivial as craving sweets, or something huge that has to be worked through, the first step is always admitting there's a problem. So, here I am. It's not all unicorns and lollipops in my life, and that's okay. I'm getting through it.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Celebrations
Today is my seventh wedding anniversary, and that got me thinking of all the things in my life I should be celebrating - not just on their respective days of the year, but every day. I, like many others, have many, many things to celebrate.
Getting married is probably one of the best things I ever did. Growing up, I didn't have the best examples of marriage in my immediate family, but nonetheless, I clung to the idea from a very young age that I wanted to get married, and stay married forever. I remember two weeks after I started dating my husband, I knew he was it for me. I just knew that I was going to marry him (though I didn't mention it to him at the time). Since that day, sitting in my kitchen and confessing to my roommate that I was in love with him, I have never looked back. I am so glad. We have had our particular challenges, but in all, the total of ten years that we have been together (to be celebrated in September), has been nothing short of wonderful. Somehow we have made it this far, and I love and respect him more all the time. We are making it work, and that is cause for celebration.
Some of the other causes for celebration in my life are pretty obvious too. My kids bring me joy every day of my life, and I am so proud of them. My big girl is going to kindergarten in a few short weeks, and she is already learning to read, and write, and is quite the little artist. I think she's so fantastic, and such a good kid, and so healthy and happy. That is cause for celebration. My baby took her first steps this week, and is starting to talk and has such a personality. That too is cause for celebration. What more can I ask of in this life?
There are so many other reasons for me to celebrate, not the least of which is my fantastic sister. We spent the better part of the last ten years apart from each other for many different reasons, but in the past few years, we have been able to come back together and have begun some major repairs on our relationship. I am so proud of the person she is, and how courageous and kind she is. She is truly a blessing in my life, and I celebrate every day that she is back in my life, and that we are close again.
So, what do you have to celebrate today? I have only named a few things, and I'm sure if I sat here long enough, I could fill up multiple posts. I encourage you to spend a little time today celebrating the wonderful things in your life that you cherish.
Getting married is probably one of the best things I ever did. Growing up, I didn't have the best examples of marriage in my immediate family, but nonetheless, I clung to the idea from a very young age that I wanted to get married, and stay married forever. I remember two weeks after I started dating my husband, I knew he was it for me. I just knew that I was going to marry him (though I didn't mention it to him at the time). Since that day, sitting in my kitchen and confessing to my roommate that I was in love with him, I have never looked back. I am so glad. We have had our particular challenges, but in all, the total of ten years that we have been together (to be celebrated in September), has been nothing short of wonderful. Somehow we have made it this far, and I love and respect him more all the time. We are making it work, and that is cause for celebration.
Some of the other causes for celebration in my life are pretty obvious too. My kids bring me joy every day of my life, and I am so proud of them. My big girl is going to kindergarten in a few short weeks, and she is already learning to read, and write, and is quite the little artist. I think she's so fantastic, and such a good kid, and so healthy and happy. That is cause for celebration. My baby took her first steps this week, and is starting to talk and has such a personality. That too is cause for celebration. What more can I ask of in this life?
There are so many other reasons for me to celebrate, not the least of which is my fantastic sister. We spent the better part of the last ten years apart from each other for many different reasons, but in the past few years, we have been able to come back together and have begun some major repairs on our relationship. I am so proud of the person she is, and how courageous and kind she is. She is truly a blessing in my life, and I celebrate every day that she is back in my life, and that we are close again.
So, what do you have to celebrate today? I have only named a few things, and I'm sure if I sat here long enough, I could fill up multiple posts. I encourage you to spend a little time today celebrating the wonderful things in your life that you cherish.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Achieving Goals = Motivation
I have been on a whirlwind journey for the past couple of years. I have set many goals. Some of them I have achieved, and some of them I haven't. Some have been left behind, some I am still working at. One thing I know is that when I finally do reach a goal, it motivates me to keep going, keep setting new goals, keep trying to achieve the ones I have yet to complete. It's a hard road, trying to do things for myself, but I know that in the end, the effort is worth it. When I can say, "Ya, I did that," it feels absolutely fantastic. The sense of pride and accomplishment is rivaled by nothing else. It's absolutely empowering.
Before I got pregnant, I did not feel good about myself. I was a good 25 pounds overweight, and though I tried to lose it, it seemed to be stuck on my body. I wanted a baby so badly, but was reluctant to start trying because I knew I would just get fatter. There wasn't a whole lot of positive self talk going on in my life at that time. I finally decided that having a baby was more important than losing a few pounds, so I did. I gained a LOT of weight with this pregnancy, and since my weight was high to begin with, I had a lot more to lose at the end. I accepted the fact that I was going to spend a good couple of years of my life being fat again. I reconciled myself to the fact, and then I started to eat. I figured that if I was going to have to lose weight later anyway, I may as well forget about showing any restraint and just go for it. Because of this kind of thinking, I topped the scales at about 245 before I gave birth. I was still over 200 when my daughter was born. How depressing.
One thing that motivated me to get back on the wagon and make healthier life choices was the fact that I had done this before. When my first daughter was born, I tipped the scales at about 190, and I lost over 40 pounds. I knew I had it in me, but I also knew it was going to be hard. As soon as I could, I started getting active again. The biggest struggle I had was changing my eating habits. Sugar and carbs are secret lovers of mine, and I was having (and still have) a hard time giving them up. I am still trying very hard to make better choices in my food, and I have written about that extensively before.
The reason for writing this post, however, is not to talk about how fat I was. It's to talk about goals I've set, and goals I've achieved. I have achieved many. It's a wonderful, wonderful feeling, and it is one of the things that is helping me to continue on this journey. My daughter was 10 months old yesterday, and for the last month, I have been able to wear every single article of clothing I wore right before I got pregnant. Everything fits. In 9 months, I lost every single pound I gained while pregnant. Every. Single. Pound. What an accomplishment! I am so incredibly proud of myself. I love looking in the mirror and seeing the progress I've made. I still have imperfections. I am still overweight. But it won't be forever, and I have proven this to myself, again. Because I've been able to experience this success, I know for a fact that I can do it. Tony Robbins says that if you give a person an experience, it becomes real to them; a lesson they can internalize instead of just hear. I tend to agree. When we see results, we know they aren't unattainable. How fantastic is that?
My inspiration today was a friend's blog, where she wrote about some goals she has set for herself, and overcoming the fear involved and replacing it with faith. I think it's so true. For a long time, I was afraid to try a lot of things because I didn't want to fail. I was afraid. I didn't want to try to write a novel because I was afraid I just couldn't do it. Now I have written 89 pages, and over 48 000 words. I'm actually doing it, and I think it's pretty good, for a first draft. \I hid behind my fat for a long time, and used food to make myself feel better. I am now overcoming those things in my life, and have lost over 30 pounds. I still have lots of other goals, and I am looking forward to seeing them come to fruition. I know for a fact that I can make them happen.
What things have you achieved lately? It doesn't have to be something huge like writing a novel or losing a bunch of weight. It can be making a healthy meal choice today, or finishing that project you've been working on. Once you look at your experiences, and what you have achieved, you will most certainly be able to believe you can achieve more. You can take that next step. You can take it to the next level. Let your successes, and not your failures, motivate you today.
Before I got pregnant, I did not feel good about myself. I was a good 25 pounds overweight, and though I tried to lose it, it seemed to be stuck on my body. I wanted a baby so badly, but was reluctant to start trying because I knew I would just get fatter. There wasn't a whole lot of positive self talk going on in my life at that time. I finally decided that having a baby was more important than losing a few pounds, so I did. I gained a LOT of weight with this pregnancy, and since my weight was high to begin with, I had a lot more to lose at the end. I accepted the fact that I was going to spend a good couple of years of my life being fat again. I reconciled myself to the fact, and then I started to eat. I figured that if I was going to have to lose weight later anyway, I may as well forget about showing any restraint and just go for it. Because of this kind of thinking, I topped the scales at about 245 before I gave birth. I was still over 200 when my daughter was born. How depressing.
One thing that motivated me to get back on the wagon and make healthier life choices was the fact that I had done this before. When my first daughter was born, I tipped the scales at about 190, and I lost over 40 pounds. I knew I had it in me, but I also knew it was going to be hard. As soon as I could, I started getting active again. The biggest struggle I had was changing my eating habits. Sugar and carbs are secret lovers of mine, and I was having (and still have) a hard time giving them up. I am still trying very hard to make better choices in my food, and I have written about that extensively before.
The reason for writing this post, however, is not to talk about how fat I was. It's to talk about goals I've set, and goals I've achieved. I have achieved many. It's a wonderful, wonderful feeling, and it is one of the things that is helping me to continue on this journey. My daughter was 10 months old yesterday, and for the last month, I have been able to wear every single article of clothing I wore right before I got pregnant. Everything fits. In 9 months, I lost every single pound I gained while pregnant. Every. Single. Pound. What an accomplishment! I am so incredibly proud of myself. I love looking in the mirror and seeing the progress I've made. I still have imperfections. I am still overweight. But it won't be forever, and I have proven this to myself, again. Because I've been able to experience this success, I know for a fact that I can do it. Tony Robbins says that if you give a person an experience, it becomes real to them; a lesson they can internalize instead of just hear. I tend to agree. When we see results, we know they aren't unattainable. How fantastic is that?
My inspiration today was a friend's blog, where she wrote about some goals she has set for herself, and overcoming the fear involved and replacing it with faith. I think it's so true. For a long time, I was afraid to try a lot of things because I didn't want to fail. I was afraid. I didn't want to try to write a novel because I was afraid I just couldn't do it. Now I have written 89 pages, and over 48 000 words. I'm actually doing it, and I think it's pretty good, for a first draft. \I hid behind my fat for a long time, and used food to make myself feel better. I am now overcoming those things in my life, and have lost over 30 pounds. I still have lots of other goals, and I am looking forward to seeing them come to fruition. I know for a fact that I can make them happen.
What things have you achieved lately? It doesn't have to be something huge like writing a novel or losing a bunch of weight. It can be making a healthy meal choice today, or finishing that project you've been working on. Once you look at your experiences, and what you have achieved, you will most certainly be able to believe you can achieve more. You can take that next step. You can take it to the next level. Let your successes, and not your failures, motivate you today.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Life: A String of Moments
There are so many moments that make up our experience. There are those monumental moments that are etched into your memory forever, and then there are the small moments that pass in a blink of an eye, but remain somewhere in your mind. They are the memories that surface when you see something familiar, smell a certain aroma, or hear a song that brings it all back. Both of these things shape us, and come together to create our collective experience. One thing I was thinking about today is that, if things in our lives are out of balance, and we expend a great deal of energy focusing on negative things, we may just miss out on magical moments. I don't want to miss those things. I don't want to be so focused on other things that I miss out on when my kids do something sweet or funny, or when I see something beautiful. Today, I had a few moments that I will always remember, and I am so glad I wasn't rushing around to do something else. I got to be there for some really great moments.
My baby took her first step today. She was standing holding on to a chair, and her dad was getting ready to leave. She didn't want that. She reached for him, let go of the chair and took a step into his arms. It was amazing! There was a pause, where I was thinking 'No way, did that actually just happen?', and then my husband and I looked at each other and realized it did. Baby was so excited because she got her daddy - I'm not sure she even realized she walked. What a monumental moment! This was one of those big ones. It made me remember when my first daughter took her first step in our little fourplex hallway. She was at the end of her tenth month, and from that moment on, she walked and ran everywhere. My little one has gone at things head on since she was born, and I shouldn't really be surprise that she was a month ahead of her big sister. After all, she has someone older and faster to keep up with. Add this to her first words, first funny faces, first foods, and it's flying by in the blink of an eye. I wish I could pause time and capture each of these beautiful moments, but I will have to settle for documenting my memories, and cherishing them.
There are those little moments too, like roasting marshmallows over the fire in my backyard, and watching my five year old get totally covered in sticky, sugary goo, and then attempting in vain to lick it off. It's seeing my baby look at the fire in wonderment and trying to catch the smoke in her hands. It's watching the kids run around after bubbles as they fly away on the wind. It's baking cookies and licking the spoons. It's dancing in your living room with no rhythm whatsoever, and not caring. It's singing at the top of your lungs in the car as you drive down the highway. Those moments are the ones that shape our experience, just as much as the huge ones. I find that if I'm too caught up in getting work done, or stressing out at messy fingers, or getting where I need to go quickly, I miss out on those moments. As I find more balance in my life, those moments become more and more noticeable, and I'm really thankful for it.
It's wonderful to accomplish things. It's great to make sure you have it all under control, and run around like crazy trying to maintain it. It's a good thing to keep to schedules, be on time, and be reliable. But let's not get caught up in those things and make them our reason for living. It's the moments that matter that will get lost if we don't take a step back once in a while. I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss those sticky, gooey moments just so I can be on time and keep to my schedule. That old saying, 'Take some time to smell the roses' may be cliche, but there is something to it. Once in a while we need to stop. We need to see the beauty that happens to be all around us. If we don't, and we end up railroading through life, what's the point? We get to the end and it's a blur. Life moves too quickly not to enjoy it. I've written about letting go of the past, and about being positive, and many other things. All those things are a part of what makes life worth living. Many of us find ourselves in circumstances that are frustrating, painful, difficult or confusing. We certainly need to focus on things to help. We must do what we can with what we have. But I say, let's take a moment today to look past all that tries to hold us down and notice the beautiful things in life. My mom used to always tell me to 'look on the bright side' and usually it made me mad. I wanted to stew in whatever was bringing me down, but then I would take her advice, and it actually helped me cope better.
Life is made up of so many moments. I don't want to miss the great ones, like baby's first steps and sticky marshmallows. I want to be there for them, and not get caught up in all the other stuff that makes up the mechanics of our lives. Finding balance is finding time for the moments.
My baby took her first step today. She was standing holding on to a chair, and her dad was getting ready to leave. She didn't want that. She reached for him, let go of the chair and took a step into his arms. It was amazing! There was a pause, where I was thinking 'No way, did that actually just happen?', and then my husband and I looked at each other and realized it did. Baby was so excited because she got her daddy - I'm not sure she even realized she walked. What a monumental moment! This was one of those big ones. It made me remember when my first daughter took her first step in our little fourplex hallway. She was at the end of her tenth month, and from that moment on, she walked and ran everywhere. My little one has gone at things head on since she was born, and I shouldn't really be surprise that she was a month ahead of her big sister. After all, she has someone older and faster to keep up with. Add this to her first words, first funny faces, first foods, and it's flying by in the blink of an eye. I wish I could pause time and capture each of these beautiful moments, but I will have to settle for documenting my memories, and cherishing them.
There are those little moments too, like roasting marshmallows over the fire in my backyard, and watching my five year old get totally covered in sticky, sugary goo, and then attempting in vain to lick it off. It's seeing my baby look at the fire in wonderment and trying to catch the smoke in her hands. It's watching the kids run around after bubbles as they fly away on the wind. It's baking cookies and licking the spoons. It's dancing in your living room with no rhythm whatsoever, and not caring. It's singing at the top of your lungs in the car as you drive down the highway. Those moments are the ones that shape our experience, just as much as the huge ones. I find that if I'm too caught up in getting work done, or stressing out at messy fingers, or getting where I need to go quickly, I miss out on those moments. As I find more balance in my life, those moments become more and more noticeable, and I'm really thankful for it.
It's wonderful to accomplish things. It's great to make sure you have it all under control, and run around like crazy trying to maintain it. It's a good thing to keep to schedules, be on time, and be reliable. But let's not get caught up in those things and make them our reason for living. It's the moments that matter that will get lost if we don't take a step back once in a while. I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss those sticky, gooey moments just so I can be on time and keep to my schedule. That old saying, 'Take some time to smell the roses' may be cliche, but there is something to it. Once in a while we need to stop. We need to see the beauty that happens to be all around us. If we don't, and we end up railroading through life, what's the point? We get to the end and it's a blur. Life moves too quickly not to enjoy it. I've written about letting go of the past, and about being positive, and many other things. All those things are a part of what makes life worth living. Many of us find ourselves in circumstances that are frustrating, painful, difficult or confusing. We certainly need to focus on things to help. We must do what we can with what we have. But I say, let's take a moment today to look past all that tries to hold us down and notice the beautiful things in life. My mom used to always tell me to 'look on the bright side' and usually it made me mad. I wanted to stew in whatever was bringing me down, but then I would take her advice, and it actually helped me cope better.
Life is made up of so many moments. I don't want to miss the great ones, like baby's first steps and sticky marshmallows. I want to be there for them, and not get caught up in all the other stuff that makes up the mechanics of our lives. Finding balance is finding time for the moments.
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