Do you ever have months where everything goes wrong? Do you have times in your life that seem like the whole world is falling down around you? Well, I'm happy to say goodbye to a month like that. This January has been a very emotionally draining month for me, and I'm looking forward to an easier, more exciting February. It WILL be good. It has to be, because quite frankly, I'm done with emotional stress.
It seems like that old saying, "When it rains, it pours" is so incredibly accurate. I've talked to more than one person that has had a month like this, and what a way to start a new year! I am determined to have a spectacular year, but it's going to have to start with February. January doesn't count. I'm going to pretend that it never happened (well, not really, but I want to wipe the slate clean and start my year now). In February, there are, of course, things I am still dealing with. My grandfather passed away last weekend, and we are having his memorial. The residual emotional turmoil from other issues in my life isn't completely resolved, but I am adamant that it will be, and everyone involved will be better for it. I won't accept anything less.
I realize that I am not completely in control of my circumstances, but I am completely in control of my reactions to them. I can't control other people, their feelings, their problems, but I can most definitely control myself. And I intend to.
So, what can I look forward to in February? Well, first is my daughter's seventh birthday. I can't believe I have a seven year old! But she is remarkable, and I am excited to celebrate it. Next, I've got more motivation to do fun and exciting things in my day home, and after a very long time of feeling unmotivated and overwhelmed, I am ready to step it up a notch and do my job even better than before. (Maybe it's the sunshine?) Lastly, I am going on a vacation with some of my very best girl friends at the end of the month, and I am so excited I can hardly stand it! Talk about a necessary break! I think it will be just what I need, and the anticipation of it is just as good. I got my passport in the mail last week (no, I didn't have one!) and I just about jumped out of my skin! I literally jumped up and down, and screamed with excitement. I did. I just about kissed the mailman, and that's the truth.
The one thing I know about life is that after having a month like I just did, there is bound to be a light at the end of the tunnel, to quote another cliche. Things have been so stressful that there just has to be an end, and I truly think it is in sight. I look forward to saying goodbye to January. Good riddance!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Memoriam
There isn't usually a day that goes by that I don't think of something that reminds me of my mom. Today marks the sixteenth anniversary of her passing, and it's honestly no easier now than it was then. The shock of it is gone; the instant you hear the news and can actually hear your heart crack, that is gone, but the pain it leaves behind is still the same. It is more acute some days than others, but even though the heart heals, the scars will always remain.
I have now lived more than half my life without a mother. This is something I know I'm not alone in. It is a hard cold fact that people die. Most of the time life seems to be cut short, unfinished. Rarely do we see someone pass and can say they were done living. Is anyone ever really done living? My great grandmother died at the age of 103 a few years ago, and I'm sure she would have said she still had more living to do if given the opportunity. It seems pretty unfair, that death can take us any time, but most days I look at that as a reminder that I need to live.
Today I received a message from a dear friend, and she quoted my mother's last words to me. My mom asked me to take care of her flowers (she had received many during her hospital stay), and my friend told me that I was doing exactly that, with ALL her flowers. Instant tears, let me tell you. We leave behind so much when we go from this world, don't we? My children are my mother's legacy, and her mother before her and her mother before her. It is the lessons we teach our children and the love we spread on to people that gets passed along, and for my mom, it was boundless. Her love was huge. Another friend told me that Catholics believe all people who have passed on to Heaven are looking down on us and praying for us - petitioning on our behalf to God that we might have the best lives we can. I kind of like that belief. It is quite comforting.
The thing about today is that it really makes me remember, oddly enough, not to live my life in mourning. Because I can, because I have breath, because I wake up each and every day, I have to live, and live in happiness. Another great friend of mine (wow, I have some amazing people in my life!) has told me a few times that happiness is a choice, and I completely agree. And overall, I do choose to be happy. I go through periods of time when sadness can be quite overwhelming, but in the long run, happiness is what I choose. I haven't come through all I have experienced to be unhappy. I'm sure everyone else on the planet can agree. We all have hard times. We all experience tragedies. We all go through periods of time when sadness or negative emotions overtake us. This is the human experience. The important thing is what we do with those experiences. I've had my fair share of hard times. Right now is actually a hard time, but when push comes to shove (I love that phrase, and it's so cliche), I will always choose happiness over my hardship.
My mom would be very proud of what she left behind. She would see the strength her daughters have, and know she had a hand in that. She would look at my sister, her baby, and know that even though she only had her for six years, she shaped this woman in the most significant ways. I see my mom in my sister every day, and it is the most beautiful and encouraging thing. My mom was a fiery, passionate, loving, strong, crazy woman, and I am thankful for my fourteen years with her. I am thankful for what she taught me, how she lived despite her difficult circumstances, and for the fact that I never once in my life doubted that she loved me.
I have now lived more than half my life without a mother. This is something I know I'm not alone in. It is a hard cold fact that people die. Most of the time life seems to be cut short, unfinished. Rarely do we see someone pass and can say they were done living. Is anyone ever really done living? My great grandmother died at the age of 103 a few years ago, and I'm sure she would have said she still had more living to do if given the opportunity. It seems pretty unfair, that death can take us any time, but most days I look at that as a reminder that I need to live.
Today I received a message from a dear friend, and she quoted my mother's last words to me. My mom asked me to take care of her flowers (she had received many during her hospital stay), and my friend told me that I was doing exactly that, with ALL her flowers. Instant tears, let me tell you. We leave behind so much when we go from this world, don't we? My children are my mother's legacy, and her mother before her and her mother before her. It is the lessons we teach our children and the love we spread on to people that gets passed along, and for my mom, it was boundless. Her love was huge. Another friend told me that Catholics believe all people who have passed on to Heaven are looking down on us and praying for us - petitioning on our behalf to God that we might have the best lives we can. I kind of like that belief. It is quite comforting.
The thing about today is that it really makes me remember, oddly enough, not to live my life in mourning. Because I can, because I have breath, because I wake up each and every day, I have to live, and live in happiness. Another great friend of mine (wow, I have some amazing people in my life!) has told me a few times that happiness is a choice, and I completely agree. And overall, I do choose to be happy. I go through periods of time when sadness can be quite overwhelming, but in the long run, happiness is what I choose. I haven't come through all I have experienced to be unhappy. I'm sure everyone else on the planet can agree. We all have hard times. We all experience tragedies. We all go through periods of time when sadness or negative emotions overtake us. This is the human experience. The important thing is what we do with those experiences. I've had my fair share of hard times. Right now is actually a hard time, but when push comes to shove (I love that phrase, and it's so cliche), I will always choose happiness over my hardship.
My mom would be very proud of what she left behind. She would see the strength her daughters have, and know she had a hand in that. She would look at my sister, her baby, and know that even though she only had her for six years, she shaped this woman in the most significant ways. I see my mom in my sister every day, and it is the most beautiful and encouraging thing. My mom was a fiery, passionate, loving, strong, crazy woman, and I am thankful for my fourteen years with her. I am thankful for what she taught me, how she lived despite her difficult circumstances, and for the fact that I never once in my life doubted that she loved me.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Being Real
Last time I wrote about the emotional roller coaster I've been on all month. Ever feel up and down all at the same time? Today, I woke up sick, sad, restless, angry, anxious...all those wrapped up into one. I couldn't even stand the smell of the toast I made my kids for breakfast. And now, I have had news that my grandfather may possibly make it through this scare and live a little longer. I went and said goodbye to him last weekend, honestly believing I'd never see him again and now, possibly, he has some more time. Talk about up and down! Every time the phone rings I think it's my dad calling to tell me the grim news, and then I get some positive news. All the while, I'm still feeling incredibly down because of other circumstances in my life, but I'm happy to hear that I may see my grandad again after all. I'm happy for my dad and my uncle and that this can possibly relieve some of their stress. But I just can't shake this cloud that's hanging over me.
It's so important to be truthful about your feelings, and this is something I struggle with all the time. I can't mope around all day, it's just not realistic. But at this moment I just feel the need to be real. We can't keep feelings bottled up inside - it's destructive and hurtful. That's why I haven't been able to eat all week long; why my body feels not right. It's the stress of everything happening all around me, and the fact that I don't feel like I can let it out most of the time. So...here it is. I am ridiculously sad; more sad than I've been in years. And I'm exhausted. I want to just lay in bed and make the whole world go away for a while. I want people to stop wanting things from me. I want to be selfish and forget about everything else, wallowing in my sadness and pain. But, I can't, and obviously I won't. Being a mother, wife, and all other labels assigned to me doesn't permit that kind of thinking or behavior. Thus the sickness and stress. I want to self-destruct, but I know very well that it's not an option. I just don't know how to get out from under this cloud, you know?
My mom always told me to look at the bright side. Maybe that would help. But sometimes I just don't want to. I have so much to be thankful for, I really do. I have a beautiful family, my sister and I are close, I have a husband who fights for me and wants me more than anyone else, I have kids who are incredibly sweet, smart, beautiful, kind, funny, crazy. I have good health, I have good friends, I have a good job. But...I feel like at any moment that could all slip away from me. I feel like some things that are so important to me are just so far out of reach, and I just don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should fight or let things be. I don't know if I should pray, cry, or what. There's the rational side of me that tells me to shake this feeling, and get on with things...to bury my sadness in work, which is my usual mode of dealing with things. But the emotional side of me just wants to break.
So there it all is, on the page. I always want to be real, no matter what. The great thing about what I'm going through right now is that I know I will get through it. I've been through worse, unfortunately, and I survived. I know I'll survive this and get back to my normal self, eventually. This is life. And it's never been easy, so why one earth would I expect it to start now?
It's so important to be truthful about your feelings, and this is something I struggle with all the time. I can't mope around all day, it's just not realistic. But at this moment I just feel the need to be real. We can't keep feelings bottled up inside - it's destructive and hurtful. That's why I haven't been able to eat all week long; why my body feels not right. It's the stress of everything happening all around me, and the fact that I don't feel like I can let it out most of the time. So...here it is. I am ridiculously sad; more sad than I've been in years. And I'm exhausted. I want to just lay in bed and make the whole world go away for a while. I want people to stop wanting things from me. I want to be selfish and forget about everything else, wallowing in my sadness and pain. But, I can't, and obviously I won't. Being a mother, wife, and all other labels assigned to me doesn't permit that kind of thinking or behavior. Thus the sickness and stress. I want to self-destruct, but I know very well that it's not an option. I just don't know how to get out from under this cloud, you know?
My mom always told me to look at the bright side. Maybe that would help. But sometimes I just don't want to. I have so much to be thankful for, I really do. I have a beautiful family, my sister and I are close, I have a husband who fights for me and wants me more than anyone else, I have kids who are incredibly sweet, smart, beautiful, kind, funny, crazy. I have good health, I have good friends, I have a good job. But...I feel like at any moment that could all slip away from me. I feel like some things that are so important to me are just so far out of reach, and I just don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should fight or let things be. I don't know if I should pray, cry, or what. There's the rational side of me that tells me to shake this feeling, and get on with things...to bury my sadness in work, which is my usual mode of dealing with things. But the emotional side of me just wants to break.
So there it all is, on the page. I always want to be real, no matter what. The great thing about what I'm going through right now is that I know I will get through it. I've been through worse, unfortunately, and I survived. I know I'll survive this and get back to my normal self, eventually. This is life. And it's never been easy, so why one earth would I expect it to start now?
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Emotional Roller Coaster
Ever feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster?
I know the term is over-used and cliche, but it exactly describes where my head has been in the past few weeks. My last post was about dealing with loss, and that is still something I am actively dealing with a few days later, of course. But I'm also everywhere emotionally. I find that in alone moments, at some points, I feel the crushing weight of everything and I break down in tears. And then I breathe, or distract myself, or push them down and move on with my day. It's all so exhausting. When I'm around people, I'm happy. I maybe even over compensate for my extreme sadness with extreme happiness on the outside. None but those closest to me (or those random people on the internet reading this blog) know what I actually feel like on the inside, and that too is exhausting. The nature of my job doesn't permit me to just break down. I have five kids to take care of, and they can't see me go to pieces in front of them. They have needs that absolutely have to be met, so I can't just curl up into a ball and go to sleep. So, I find that what's on the outside is truly not reflecting what's on the inside...pretty much ever. I am so incredibly good at faking it.
Today I feel a little better than yesterday, and yesterday better than the day before. I think it's because I'm once again getting used to my sadness. It's settling in and becoming more comfortable. It will come and go in waves of intensity, but for the most part it's just lingering there under the surface, and because it's getting more familiar, it's easier to hide. This isn't really a great practice, but life makes it somewhat necessary. I can feel the effect of all this inner turmoil on my body. I haven't felt like eating a whole lot all week, and when I do eat, I generally feel sick. I have been pretty much forcing myself to eat, because obviously I can't starve, but it's been tough. Stress is physically manifested in our bodies, and man do I ever feel it! I'll be happy when this month is over, let me tell you. I want my life to go back to normal.
Life tends to have the worst timing for me. When one thing goes wrong, everything else seems to as well. Maybe it's because things are already hard to deal with, so other things get to you more. Who knows? But honestly, I'm kind of tired of it. However, there's nothing that can be done for it but to just get through it in tact, which I'm entirely confident I will do. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, life continues and we continue. Sadness doesn't have to consume. It does eventually have to be dealt with, it has to be felt, it has to be cried out, but it doesn't have to win. And for me, it won't.
So today my focus is to just get through. Focus on what has to be done, dealt with and felt. Move along. Keep going, one foot in front of the other.
I don't want a roller coaster today.
I know the term is over-used and cliche, but it exactly describes where my head has been in the past few weeks. My last post was about dealing with loss, and that is still something I am actively dealing with a few days later, of course. But I'm also everywhere emotionally. I find that in alone moments, at some points, I feel the crushing weight of everything and I break down in tears. And then I breathe, or distract myself, or push them down and move on with my day. It's all so exhausting. When I'm around people, I'm happy. I maybe even over compensate for my extreme sadness with extreme happiness on the outside. None but those closest to me (or those random people on the internet reading this blog) know what I actually feel like on the inside, and that too is exhausting. The nature of my job doesn't permit me to just break down. I have five kids to take care of, and they can't see me go to pieces in front of them. They have needs that absolutely have to be met, so I can't just curl up into a ball and go to sleep. So, I find that what's on the outside is truly not reflecting what's on the inside...pretty much ever. I am so incredibly good at faking it.
Today I feel a little better than yesterday, and yesterday better than the day before. I think it's because I'm once again getting used to my sadness. It's settling in and becoming more comfortable. It will come and go in waves of intensity, but for the most part it's just lingering there under the surface, and because it's getting more familiar, it's easier to hide. This isn't really a great practice, but life makes it somewhat necessary. I can feel the effect of all this inner turmoil on my body. I haven't felt like eating a whole lot all week, and when I do eat, I generally feel sick. I have been pretty much forcing myself to eat, because obviously I can't starve, but it's been tough. Stress is physically manifested in our bodies, and man do I ever feel it! I'll be happy when this month is over, let me tell you. I want my life to go back to normal.
Life tends to have the worst timing for me. When one thing goes wrong, everything else seems to as well. Maybe it's because things are already hard to deal with, so other things get to you more. Who knows? But honestly, I'm kind of tired of it. However, there's nothing that can be done for it but to just get through it in tact, which I'm entirely confident I will do. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, life continues and we continue. Sadness doesn't have to consume. It does eventually have to be dealt with, it has to be felt, it has to be cried out, but it doesn't have to win. And for me, it won't.
So today my focus is to just get through. Focus on what has to be done, dealt with and felt. Move along. Keep going, one foot in front of the other.
I don't want a roller coaster today.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Dealing With Loss
I just had one of the hardest weekends I've had in a long time. January is a particularly hard month for me, because it commemorates the loss of my mother, now gone sixteen years on the 20th. This month always makes me think of those I've loved and lost. The list is long, and every person on it was incredibly dear to me, and played an integral part in my life. When I remember my mom in January, each of these others comes back to me as well, and the weight of it all is sometimes utterly crushing. This past weekend I went to say goodbye to my grandad, who, the doctors say, has maybe two weeks left.
I haven't ever been close with my grandad. He isn't the easiest person to know. He actually hasn't been a huge part of my life, but he is my grandfather, and I love him. The past few years I have seen him more often, and have gotten to know him a little differently. We've known for a long time that he is not going to be with us much longer, but now it is close and I am admittedly having a hard time with it.
When I saw him, I didn't know what to say. He was in and out of sleep, and I couldn't really understand a lot of what he said. But I did spend some time alone with him, and I held his hand and I let him see me cry. I told him I loved him, and he said it back. I hugged him. He said I'd see him lots more. I said goodbye.
The hospital he is in is the place I said goodbye to my mom. Talk about bad timing. I can't go there and not instantly see her, in that bed, losing her battle. So yeah, this was a hard weekend. And there were many other things I was dealing with as well - life stuff that I won't go into detail about - that just made everything significantly harder. I absolutely lost it a few times; went to pieces. I allowed myself to fall apart completely, and that's important.
The thing that is hitting home the most right now is that we all die. I know that sounds morbid and negative, but I don't mean it that way. I mean that we are here for such a finite amount of time that we need to spend every moment with that in mind. I am feeling more strongly than ever that my time needs to be spent with the people I love. While I have difficulties with my professional life, right now I am so thankful that I am home all day, every day with my precious children. There is truly nothing better, and I don't want to be anywhere else. How many women can stay at home with their kids and still make good money? I work hard, but I am here, and I am thankful. My sister lives with me. What a huge blessing that is! I get to see her every single day, and there have been times in my life when I wasn't sure that would happen again. Now, I get to see her face and hear her voice all the time, and sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe it's really real. And my husband; we've been together eleven years. He's solid, dependable, and I know he will always be there while he is able. We are all going to die. Every one of us. This is a reality. But we are not dead yet, and we need to get that through our heads.
If not the people I love, what else is this life all about? I am at a loss. When someone you love dies, you remember the time you spent together. You remember those moments that made you love them. You remember them, and hopefully you are thankful for the time you had. I don't want a life that doesn't include every person I love. I am making it a point to purposefully spend time with people. I know it's a bit extreme, but right now nothing else in the world matters to me. I'm not going to pretend that I'm completely okay. I am having a really hard time. But that's not such a bad thing. It's not our circumstances that matter, it's what we do with them.
I haven't ever been close with my grandad. He isn't the easiest person to know. He actually hasn't been a huge part of my life, but he is my grandfather, and I love him. The past few years I have seen him more often, and have gotten to know him a little differently. We've known for a long time that he is not going to be with us much longer, but now it is close and I am admittedly having a hard time with it.
When I saw him, I didn't know what to say. He was in and out of sleep, and I couldn't really understand a lot of what he said. But I did spend some time alone with him, and I held his hand and I let him see me cry. I told him I loved him, and he said it back. I hugged him. He said I'd see him lots more. I said goodbye.
The hospital he is in is the place I said goodbye to my mom. Talk about bad timing. I can't go there and not instantly see her, in that bed, losing her battle. So yeah, this was a hard weekend. And there were many other things I was dealing with as well - life stuff that I won't go into detail about - that just made everything significantly harder. I absolutely lost it a few times; went to pieces. I allowed myself to fall apart completely, and that's important.
The thing that is hitting home the most right now is that we all die. I know that sounds morbid and negative, but I don't mean it that way. I mean that we are here for such a finite amount of time that we need to spend every moment with that in mind. I am feeling more strongly than ever that my time needs to be spent with the people I love. While I have difficulties with my professional life, right now I am so thankful that I am home all day, every day with my precious children. There is truly nothing better, and I don't want to be anywhere else. How many women can stay at home with their kids and still make good money? I work hard, but I am here, and I am thankful. My sister lives with me. What a huge blessing that is! I get to see her every single day, and there have been times in my life when I wasn't sure that would happen again. Now, I get to see her face and hear her voice all the time, and sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe it's really real. And my husband; we've been together eleven years. He's solid, dependable, and I know he will always be there while he is able. We are all going to die. Every one of us. This is a reality. But we are not dead yet, and we need to get that through our heads.
If not the people I love, what else is this life all about? I am at a loss. When someone you love dies, you remember the time you spent together. You remember those moments that made you love them. You remember them, and hopefully you are thankful for the time you had. I don't want a life that doesn't include every person I love. I am making it a point to purposefully spend time with people. I know it's a bit extreme, but right now nothing else in the world matters to me. I'm not going to pretend that I'm completely okay. I am having a really hard time. But that's not such a bad thing. It's not our circumstances that matter, it's what we do with them.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A Crazy Holiday and a New Year
It is January 3rd, in a brand new year. Today I am back to work, and I find myself reflecting on the past year, and thinking about my hopes for this new one. With a new year, I feel like there are just so many new possibilities; so much potential.
This past year has been one difficult year! I've written a lot of it already: my husband going to college, changing over my day home from private to licensed, moving. But it has also had a lot of great things: my sister moving in with us, my daughter starting grade one, new day home clients, reaching my weight loss goal, getting back in touch with old friends, meeting new people who've had a profound impact on me, taking a vacation, beginning to get back in touch with myself, new writing projects...and so many more. This coming year I am looking forward to having more life to enjoy and savour, and to taking the time to really connect with those I love.
There are so many life events that throw me into a spiral of reflection, and right now this is happening. This Christmas, we had an intensely busy time. We hosted a Christmas Eve dinner, traveled to a few different places and then had a New Year's get together here. I also ran around like crazy on the one and only day I had free to get my passport application in order and sent away. I feel like this holiday has had very little rest, but that's okay. It was a hectic and wonderful way to end a hectic but wonderful year. Being so busy, for some reason, always sparks my brain waves. Also, my grandad,at 80 years old is looking like he may not have a lot of time left on this earth. He has been battling cancer for the past few years, and at the moment has a broken hip along with pneumonia. The doctors say that if things don't turn around, he likely will pass away in a matter of days. While I've never been close with my grandad, the past few years I have seen him more often, and have come to know him a little differently than I did when I was a kid. I know I will be sad when he is gone, and I will feel loss. This is one of those things that makes me think too, and remember again that the people I love are what matter, and spending quality time with them is the most important thing.
This year, I have some goals. I'm not one to make resolutions, but I do think it's a good idea to set goals for myself that I can attain, with timelines and realistic expectations (you might be thinking that it's the same thing...but I am adamant that it's NOT). Some of my goals this year are:
1) Finish the first draft of my novel and begin the extensive background research it is going to require to make it realistic and believable.
2) Make sure my fitness and activity gets more consistent. I've been incredibly sporadic in my workouts and eating, and I really feel it, especially after a month of indulgence in all things sugary, fatty and alcoholic.
3) Purpose to spend quality time with the people in my life. If you don't purpose for this to happen, often it gets lost in the shuffle. I want to spend more time with my husband, my sister and my extended family. I want to spend more time with friends, and with myself. I want to make the most of the time I spend with my kids. (Part of this goal is taking time out from my normal life to go to Las Vegas with a group of amazing friends, and I really can't wait!)
That's pretty much it. I have to stop operating in burn out mode and start living to my fullest. I have to really make the most of the time I have here, because there is absolutely no way of knowing how much of it I have. I can't come to the end of my life having missed time with a single person, or having been so frivolous with my time that I have regrets. I want everything good that this life has to offer, and I'm going to have it.
Are you?
This past year has been one difficult year! I've written a lot of it already: my husband going to college, changing over my day home from private to licensed, moving. But it has also had a lot of great things: my sister moving in with us, my daughter starting grade one, new day home clients, reaching my weight loss goal, getting back in touch with old friends, meeting new people who've had a profound impact on me, taking a vacation, beginning to get back in touch with myself, new writing projects...and so many more. This coming year I am looking forward to having more life to enjoy and savour, and to taking the time to really connect with those I love.
There are so many life events that throw me into a spiral of reflection, and right now this is happening. This Christmas, we had an intensely busy time. We hosted a Christmas Eve dinner, traveled to a few different places and then had a New Year's get together here. I also ran around like crazy on the one and only day I had free to get my passport application in order and sent away. I feel like this holiday has had very little rest, but that's okay. It was a hectic and wonderful way to end a hectic but wonderful year. Being so busy, for some reason, always sparks my brain waves. Also, my grandad,at 80 years old is looking like he may not have a lot of time left on this earth. He has been battling cancer for the past few years, and at the moment has a broken hip along with pneumonia. The doctors say that if things don't turn around, he likely will pass away in a matter of days. While I've never been close with my grandad, the past few years I have seen him more often, and have come to know him a little differently than I did when I was a kid. I know I will be sad when he is gone, and I will feel loss. This is one of those things that makes me think too, and remember again that the people I love are what matter, and spending quality time with them is the most important thing.
This year, I have some goals. I'm not one to make resolutions, but I do think it's a good idea to set goals for myself that I can attain, with timelines and realistic expectations (you might be thinking that it's the same thing...but I am adamant that it's NOT). Some of my goals this year are:
1) Finish the first draft of my novel and begin the extensive background research it is going to require to make it realistic and believable.
2) Make sure my fitness and activity gets more consistent. I've been incredibly sporadic in my workouts and eating, and I really feel it, especially after a month of indulgence in all things sugary, fatty and alcoholic.
3) Purpose to spend quality time with the people in my life. If you don't purpose for this to happen, often it gets lost in the shuffle. I want to spend more time with my husband, my sister and my extended family. I want to spend more time with friends, and with myself. I want to make the most of the time I spend with my kids. (Part of this goal is taking time out from my normal life to go to Las Vegas with a group of amazing friends, and I really can't wait!)
That's pretty much it. I have to stop operating in burn out mode and start living to my fullest. I have to really make the most of the time I have here, because there is absolutely no way of knowing how much of it I have. I can't come to the end of my life having missed time with a single person, or having been so frivolous with my time that I have regrets. I want everything good that this life has to offer, and I'm going to have it.
Are you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)