A Brief Hiatus

Hello all.  I wanted to let all my readers know that I will be taking a brief hiatus from blogging.  Yes, yes, I realize that it will be difficult to get through the week without reading one of my ridiculous rants about how much I eat, or how tired I am or what crazy thing my kids are doing, but honestly, I have a good reason!  Did you catch my sarcasm there?  

Anyways, the reason I am taking a break is because I have a freelance writing project I need to put all my spare time into, so I won't have a lot of time to write my blog.  I will be back though!  My deadline is the end of September, so I will start writing again in about a month.  Thank you so much for reading my posts, and make sure you watch for my return!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Fall is around the corner, and as I prepare my daughter for her first day of grade one next week, I can't help but be excited for what this school year is going to bring.  I always love the first days of school, and even though I haven't had the joy of welcoming a new group of students into my classroom for a few years now, I still feel that sense of anticipation that comes with it.  I live vicariously through my teacher friends and my daughter.  I love when school starts.

I think I love it so much because it has always been a fresh start for me.  Each fall brings a set of new possibilities, whether I'm in the classroom or not.  This fall I start some  new clients full time, and I look so forward to getting back into a consistent routine.  I have probably relaxed a little too much this summer in terms of my day home programming and sticking to routine - but isn't that what summer is about?  I love lazing around on the deck watching my kids play in the water or ride scooters and bikes.  I love not worrying about the mad morning rush to get everyone out the door (or in, in my case) in the morning.  I love not wearing socks! 

But fall is a whole other story.  Fall brings a crisp freshness that makes me want to take deep breath and inhale the scent of leaves as they fall from the trees.  Fall means more work and less sleep, but it also means a return to structure and learning, which to me is fantastic!

As I mentioned, my daughter starts grade one next week.  That means full days of school, which is going to be a huge adjustment for all of us.  I am so used to having her around at least half days.  She is an incredible help in the day home - directing play, helping her sister and other little ones, or just being another arm for me when I need it.  It's also going to be A LOT quieter!  She seriously lacks volume control, especially when she gets excited or hyper.  It might be nice to have a little bit more quiet during the day, but chances are, I am going to miss it.

I also get more motivated in the fall.  When I am busy, I find that I can actually get more other stuff done.  It's a 'being in the zone' thing.  When I have too much to do, I tend to get most of it done.  When I have a chance to relax, pretty much nothing gets done at all.  Anyone else experience this?  I sometimes work better when I'm incredibly stressed out.  But this fall is going to start kind of like a long-distance race.  Not only is my day home going full time for the first time since May, but I am also taking on a writing project that will take some considerable time and I get a new client in October, not to mention my little one turns two that month as well.  It's going to be a crazy few months.  CRAZY.  But I'm up for it.  I really am.  I am excited about this writing project, and about settling in to a new routine with my new kids.  It's going to be good.

Another awesome thing is that I can actually pay some attention to my fitness again!  My husband is now home every evening - a HUGE change from the past 9 months.  I'll actually be able to go the gym in the evening.  I could even go to yoga classes once a week because I don't have to be at home for my kids without a vehicle.  I have gained about ten pounds this summer, and let me tell you, I am not pleased with myself.  I know why it's creeped up on me, and I know what I have to do to get it back off.  I refuse to let my body go back to the way it was, and I feel much more motivated to get out there and work hard. 

So, with the fall approaching, I say goodbye to lazy summer days of only making my minimal requirements and hello to some crazy times filled with hard work, lots of stress and most of all, a refreshing sense of accomplishment.

My Addiction

I have a secret.  I am addicted to a powerful drug.  I wake up every morning thinking about it.  I suffer withdrawal symptoms if I don't have it.  It makes me happy, less irritable, helps me get through my day, and is an integral part of my family's life.  Even my children know that if mommy doesn't get her fix in the morning, don't bug her.  The drug I'm talking about isn't some scary illegal street drug.  It's not a mind altering substance that makes me unable to function in daily life.  It's something found in many things we consume all the time.  The drug I am completely addicted to is caffeine. 

I'm not exaggerating when I say I am addicted to caffeine.  I am totally dependent on it.  Making that wonderful pot of coffee in the morning is one of the first things I do, and honestly, I can't get going without it.  After a night's sleep, I usually wake with a headache because my body wants caffeine.  That headache doesn't subside until I've had a cup of coffee.  I also find that I am irritable, tired, and lethargic if I don't have it.  And I can't substitute other forms of caffeine for my coffee.  It absolutely has to be coffee, which leads me to believe that not only is it a physical addiction, but it is also a psychological one.  Tea, cola, or anything else that has caffeine in it never quite cuts it for me.  Yesterday is a prime example.

I ran out of coffee yesterday.  I had just enough to make one weak cup, and let me tell you, it wasn't enough to get me through the day!  I had to work very hard to keep my irritability in check, I was practically falling asleep every time I sat down, and I just wanted more all day long.  When I know I am not going to get my coffee, I literally panic.  That's how I felt yesterday!  Panicked!  It's sad really.

But here's the thing.  Although I fully understand that having this addiction doesn't benefit my life in any way, shape or form, I am reluctant to do anything to break it.  I have done it before.  When I was pregnant with my first child, coffee made me want to vomit, so I was able to give it up.  My body adjusted to not having it every day, and I must say, it was strange.  After my daughter was born, I quickly slipped back into the habit, and I haven't been able to break it since (not that I have tried).  I keep thinking I should do something about it, but in reality, I know that I won't.  I just love it too much.

It's amazing to me that such a small, seemingly unimportant thing dictates so much in my life.  I am utterly dependent on it, and since I am a coffee snob, I spend way too much money feeding my habit.  While many people spend six or seven bucks on a can of Folgers every couple of weeks, I absolutely have to buy Starbucks, Kicking Horse, or Salt Spring coffee, which are between fifteen and twenty dollars a pound.  And I go through just over a pound a week in my house.  Talk about an expensive habit (but an oh, so delicious one)!  I will go to a completely different store than the one I do my grocery shopping in because they carry the brand of coffee I want.  And it can't be pre-ground either.  It has to be whole bean, and it has to be fresh.  I need it to still have the lovely, aromatic oils on the beans when I open the package.  Ohhhhh, just thinking about the smell makes my knees a little weak.  I'm telling you, if Starbucks paid enough, I would work there for the rest of my life (I spent four years working there during and just after university).

But I digress.  I could go on and on about what makes a good cup of coffee, but that wasn't what I wanted to write about.  I wanted to talk about my addiction to caffeine.  I know I am not the only one in this boat.  There are many millions of people who share my dependency!  And though I have no desire to give it up, I suppose it's something I should at least think about.  There are many things we can be dependent on, and it doesn't have to be addictive substances.  There are several things we unknowingly put in the driver's seat in our lives, and the more we depend on them, the harder it is to stand on our own two feet.  I fully admit that I cannot physically get through my day without two or three cups of coffee, but the dependency could be anything, even other people.  My awareness of my addiction doesn't make it go away, but at least I know it's there and if wanted to, I could take steps toward kicking it.  But what if we are in a co-dependent relationship?  What if we choose to get our self-worth from the value placed on us by others?  What if we are dependent on something that is harmful to us or those around us?  Those are things that need evaluating, and possibly even some changing.

Is there something else controlling your life right now, or are you in the driver's seat?

It's All Over!

As you are all very well aware, I have had a stressful month or so.  We've been living in our new place for a week now, and I must say, I am so pleased!  The stress level has gone way down, and I actually feel like I am starting to settle and wind down.  So many good things are in the works!

First, my sister moved in on Monday.  It's been such an awesome week!  She has been immensely helpful with the unpacking and with the kids (and the laundry!!!), not to mention that it's been so fantastic just to be around her.  Our story has been complicated and more than a little heartbreaking.  We were separated by our circumstances for about ten years, and we've now found our way back to each other.  Living with her makes me realize just how little I know about her life, and the things she has done!  There was so much I wasn't there to see and be a part of, but now that doesn't have to fill me with regret.  It's going to be exciting to learn about her more and more, and get to hear her stories about growing up.  Just because I wasn't there back then doesn't mean I can't be there now, and that is what I fully intend to do.  It's going to be amazing.  She is amazing, and now I get to see her every day.  Awesome.

I'm also ready to open my day home again, and that's actually exciting too.  I am looking forward to getting into a routine and using this great space I have created for the kids.  I have made the main floor living room into a play room for the day home, and I really like how it has turned out.  I feel like it's going to work really well.  I don't feel like their space is encroaching on my space at all.  I have a separation from the play room and the family room downstairs (which is a kid free domain, excepting my own children), and I love it.

I also just love, love, love this house.  It was such an answer to prayer.  I was hoping for a full house, where I could see my daughter's school from the door, that had a great yard and enough room to accommodate my whole family plus the day home.  I got everything!  It's even in the price range I was hoping for.  There were even some perks, like the two man jacuzzi tub in my bedroom!  Oh my gosh, it is amazing.  The day after we moved in, when everything hurt and my fingers were raw and sore from scrubbing the old place, I sat in that tub for about two hours, just laying on the jets and letting my body unwind.  My legs were like rubber when I got out!  I will do this often I think!  There is also a garage, which is amazing, and the whole house is air conditioned.  My kids also have a room they can share that actually has space for all their toys plus some play space of their very own too.  Man, I love this house.

So, that's all the positive stuff that's happening right now!  It almost makes my recent little bit of weight gain feel less awful.  In the past month I have not been dealing with the stress very well, and I am definitely showing it in the mirror.  This isn't the end of the world though.  Now that we're moved, I can get back into a fitness routine and start taking the reigns back on my eating.  I feel good about the direction I'm going, and a few pounds back isn't all fifty back.  As long as I keep myself in check and stay motivated to maintain my healthy lifestyle, I will be okay.  I will never be 210 again.  I will never even be 170 again, and I'm sticking to that resolve. 

I will also be able to put some focus back into my writing and editing projects now that I am starting to get settled.  I will have a routine, and I plan to work in about an hour a day of writing or editing.  I want to finish this novel I've been working on for a year so I can start my editing process on that.

There is so much great stuff going on right now, and honestly, I just feel good - which is a wonderful change.