Food, food, food...food! As you are all very well aware, I am a bit obsessed with food. I literally think about it all day long. I want to eat it all the time, I hate eating it sometimes, I want to eat right, but I also want to binge on chocolate. This tug-of-war in my mind is incredibly counter-productive when trying to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle. So I'm taking some time to reflect right now what exactly I have done in the past year to make the whole weight loss thing work. I can't say that I always have a healthy outlook on what I put in my body, but man, am I miles away from where I used to be!
When I was a kid, I never got treats in my lunch. I always had sandwiches with fruit for dessert and a cup of milk or something like that. I ate good, nutritious lunches...until I was responsible for them. You see, while my mother did a great job feeding me, she didn't have time to teach me the finer points of healthy living. When I became responsible for feeding myself, I ate things like potato chips, candy, Jamaican patties (beef in pastry type bread...very greasy) or nothing at all for lunch. Then I binged on anything I could find in the cupboard when I got home from school. This was the beginning of some bad habits for me!
When I moved out on my own, I was, for lack of a better term, dirt poor. I worked a part time job while attending university, and suffice to say, I didn't eat very much good food. I bought whatever was cheap and quick, and that meant a lot of pasta and frozen veggies. Protein was rarely a part of my diet. Starch, starch, starch, carbs, and sugar. That was pretty much it for 5 years. Then I got pregnant and I realized I needed to change something, because it was no longer just my body I had to care for. So I began to think about what I had been fed as a child, and went back to eating from all four food groups every day, and switched to whole grains and such. But I still struggled with those bad habits! Not to mention the fact that I had become an emotional eater. I ate when I was happy, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was depressed, I ate, I ate, I ate.
Bad food habits are ridiculously hard to break! I am still struggling with things that started when I was a teenager today; right now in fact. What I have had to do is try to change my view on what food actually is, and what purpose it really serves. Food is nourishment. Food is energy to make our bodies run efficiently and properly. Food is not an answer to an emotional problem. It is not entertainment. It is not evil, and should not make me feel guilty for eating it. When I think of fast food, sometimes I cringe. The thought of eating something deep fried, while sometimes still appealing, now kind of makes me want to throw up. I have begun to picture just what that food is going to do when inside my body, and how it will benefit me. When I think this way, I don't want to eat mountains of chocolate (though a little is good for you), or head out to the closest fast food place instead of cooking. When I think about food as fuel for my body, I want to give it premium, not regular. Don't I deserve more than junk? Don't I deserve beautiful, colorful veggies, and lean meat, and whole grains? Yes, absolutely I do, because these are the things my body needs.
When I go to the grocery store now, instead of stocking up on white pasta, boxed dinners with a bunch of artificial flavors and colors, and junk meat, I buy fresh veggies and fruit, whole wheat everything and my own ingredients for baking delicious things at home. I very seldom buy packaged cookies or treats. I bake my own, with whole wheat flour, reduced sugar or use natural sweeteners like honey, replace oils with apple sauce, and use lots of beautiful spices to make it tasty. It is like a food revolution in my household! If you looked in my cupboard now, and were able to travel back in time and look in it 8 years ago, you would see a very different picture. And man, does it feel good to eat well. I'm telling you, my body feels ten times better than it did 8 or 10 years ago. I have aged, and gained and lost weight, but because I am fueling it with things that it actually needs, I don't feel it.
It might sound, as this point, like I have this great and perfect diet. Well, I don't. I still struggle daily with eating too much, or eating things that just aren't good for me. If you put an apple and a chocolate bar in front of me and asked me to choose, nine times out of ten, I'd choose the chocolate. The thing I have come to realize is that I can't live on a diet. I refuse to deny myself the things that I love, and I think this can actually be a good thing. If I don't allow myself to have something, I end up binging on it later. So, if I make sure that most of the food I eat is healthy and wholesome, then what's a little treat? In the over all scheme of things, it's not really anything at all - because I've already given my body what it needs. When I do this, I am more apt to stop at just one and not eat the whole box. I haven't deprived myself and played psychological games. I am not in starvation mode.
So, yes, I obsess about food. I fixate on it, I stress about it, I indulge in it. But I have really learned to look at it differently. Food is not my enemy! It is something I am allowed to love and want, as long as I am making healthy choices. I have been learning a great deal about nutrition, and though I despise cooking, have begun to really branch out in my meal preparation and baking. It's actually been quite an adventure. In fact, right now I am baking oatmeal breakfast bars that are made with whole grain oats, molasses (2 tbsp), cinnamon, raisins, dried cranberries and walnuts. That's it. Simple, wholesome ingredients, and they smell amazing! There's something about creating something with beautiful ingredients that just makes me feel good. And I feel good giving it to my kids too.
In the end, the reason this whole weight loss thing is working for me is because first, I got active, and second, I began to change the way I think about food. I have attempted to stop making it my enemy, and freed myself to love it and appreciate it for what it does for my body. The battle is far from over, but in the last year I feel like I have made steps in the right direction, and I feel like my 40 pound weight loss is evidence of that. My habits are changing, my mindset is changing, and my waistline is changing. Maybe someday I can stop obsessing about it and just enjoy it! Change is good.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
A Weight Loss Milestone!
This week I hit a major milestone in my weight loss. I have been working so incredibly hard in the last year to get back to a healthy weight after having my second daughter. I have done this all before, and last time I worked just as hard for just as long. The thing about this time around is that I was carrying a few extra pounds than last time when I started my journey. I had fallen into some bad habits after an emotionally difficult year, and I am continuing to pay for that mistake. But this week I hit a really big goal. I have now lost of total of 40 pounds - the same amount of weight I had to lose last time I had a baby. I can't believe how far I've come, and I am even finding that clothes I wore before I got pregnant are too big on me now. I am only 15 pounds away from my end goal, and I have to say, I am incredibly proud of myself.
I find it difficult to believe sometimes that I weighed over 200 pounds a year ago. In this picture, I had just had my daughter weeks earlier, and was at an all time high in my weight (not including at the end of my pregnancy). I felt like I was drowning in my own body.
I couldn't walk up the stairs without being winded. I ate everything I saw. I was low on confidence and self esteem. One thing I did know though, was that I could lose it all. I had done it before. So as soon as my body had recuperated enough from giving birth, I got to work.
Now, I can run. Now I can do high intensity cardio for thirty minutes, forty minutes, fifty minutes. I can lift weights, walk long distances and run around with my kids without needing to sit and take a break. I am not where I want to be just yet, but I have now hit that major milestone of forty pounds. It's a really significant thing for me. I lost the same amount of weight after my first pregnancy, and now that it's gone, I feel completely motivated to continue to push myself and get rid of the rest of it. Here is a picture of me today, in my sweaty workout clothes, 40 pounds lighter.
I am incredibly pleased with what I see. I no longer feel like I'm drowning in my body. I feel like my body more represents who I am inside, and I am so excited to lose that last fifteen. I think it's an awesome way to start a whole new decade - at a healthy weight and feeling great. I totally stoked!
I find it difficult to believe sometimes that I weighed over 200 pounds a year ago. In this picture, I had just had my daughter weeks earlier, and was at an all time high in my weight (not including at the end of my pregnancy). I felt like I was drowning in my own body.
I couldn't walk up the stairs without being winded. I ate everything I saw. I was low on confidence and self esteem. One thing I did know though, was that I could lose it all. I had done it before. So as soon as my body had recuperated enough from giving birth, I got to work.
Now, I can run. Now I can do high intensity cardio for thirty minutes, forty minutes, fifty minutes. I can lift weights, walk long distances and run around with my kids without needing to sit and take a break. I am not where I want to be just yet, but I have now hit that major milestone of forty pounds. It's a really significant thing for me. I lost the same amount of weight after my first pregnancy, and now that it's gone, I feel completely motivated to continue to push myself and get rid of the rest of it. Here is a picture of me today, in my sweaty workout clothes, 40 pounds lighter.
I am incredibly pleased with what I see. I no longer feel like I'm drowning in my body. I feel like my body more represents who I am inside, and I am so excited to lose that last fifteen. I think it's an awesome way to start a whole new decade - at a healthy weight and feeling great. I totally stoked!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Four Gray Hairs Too Many
I've been suffering this week. It's a crisis beyond anything I have ever dealt with. I must admit that I was more traumatized than I thought I would be imagining this moment in my life, because I didn't expect it so soon. What I'm talking about is the fact that I found gray hair on my head this week - too many to deny it any more. You see, I have found one, solitary gray hair before. So, no problem, I just pulled it out and pretended it didn't happen. This time, there were more. And I'm certain that this is only the beginning of my demise. I am aging.
Aging hasn't ever really been a problem for me until this year. When I was 28, I was still far enough away from my thirties that it didn't bother me. Now that I'm 29, 30 is dangerously close. It makes me think of my own mortality a little more. One reason for this is that my mother died when she was only 38. That age is less than ten years away for me now, and it brings into perspective the fact that I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and sometimes that scares me. I wouldn't say that I worry about it, but it is most definitely a presence in my mind.
Another reason for my anxiety is that my body is now telling me that it has begun its decline. I have been working really hard for the past five years to be as healthy as I can, eating well and exercising regularly, and I want to enjoy the use of my body for many years to come. The problem is that I wasn't an active person before five years ago, and sometimes I wonder how much my body is going to be able to take in the future. That's why it's so urgent for me to be at a healthy weight with habits that aren't destructive. I now feel more urgency to get things in order so to speak, because you never know when those unhealthy habits are going to catch up with you. All the more reason to continue to work hard to control my eating and increase the intensity of my workouts. I want to be able to keep up with my kids when they are teenagers, because of course they will be very active, like I was not.
So, this whole gray hair thing is not just a reminder that my body is aging. It insults my vanity! I have really nice hair, in my own humble opinion. I shudder at the fact that it may not look like this for very much longer, and I contemplate starting to dye it just so I can deny its untimely change. I think in ten years I won't mind so much, but I kind of do now...well, who am I kidding? I really mind.
Aside from the fact that I am depressed about getting gray hair before I anticipated it, I have been really thinking this week about making sure each minute of my life counts for something. I don't mean that I have to run around like crazy trying to make an impact on every person I see. I mean that I want to do things that matter - like spending more quality time with my kids, or encouraging someone who is down, or smiling at a random stranger. How much time do we really have in this life? Is worth it to work ourselves to the bone and not take time to appreciate the finer things? I tend not to think so. That's why you'll often find dishes from yesterday sitting in my sink. I'd rather play with my baby, or cuddle with my husband after work, or write my novel. Dishes will still be there (but seriously, don't let them pile up until you have none left to use...that's just annoying). My goal is to do at least one thing every day that matters to me, and to work on those relationships in my life that are important. When it all comes down to it, what else are we here for really, if not to have relationships? We're certainly not here to become millionaires, or acquire things. We have been given life because we are meant to live it. I suppose a few gray hairs don't really matter in the grand scheme of things...but they make me think nonetheless.
PS - I hope you like my Anti-Aging Hair Rescue plug...something I might actually try! Well, maybe not, but that's my attempt to be a little humorous.
Aging hasn't ever really been a problem for me until this year. When I was 28, I was still far enough away from my thirties that it didn't bother me. Now that I'm 29, 30 is dangerously close. It makes me think of my own mortality a little more. One reason for this is that my mother died when she was only 38. That age is less than ten years away for me now, and it brings into perspective the fact that I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and sometimes that scares me. I wouldn't say that I worry about it, but it is most definitely a presence in my mind.
Another reason for my anxiety is that my body is now telling me that it has begun its decline. I have been working really hard for the past five years to be as healthy as I can, eating well and exercising regularly, and I want to enjoy the use of my body for many years to come. The problem is that I wasn't an active person before five years ago, and sometimes I wonder how much my body is going to be able to take in the future. That's why it's so urgent for me to be at a healthy weight with habits that aren't destructive. I now feel more urgency to get things in order so to speak, because you never know when those unhealthy habits are going to catch up with you. All the more reason to continue to work hard to control my eating and increase the intensity of my workouts. I want to be able to keep up with my kids when they are teenagers, because of course they will be very active, like I was not.
So, this whole gray hair thing is not just a reminder that my body is aging. It insults my vanity! I have really nice hair, in my own humble opinion. I shudder at the fact that it may not look like this for very much longer, and I contemplate starting to dye it just so I can deny its untimely change. I think in ten years I won't mind so much, but I kind of do now...well, who am I kidding? I really mind.
Aside from the fact that I am depressed about getting gray hair before I anticipated it, I have been really thinking this week about making sure each minute of my life counts for something. I don't mean that I have to run around like crazy trying to make an impact on every person I see. I mean that I want to do things that matter - like spending more quality time with my kids, or encouraging someone who is down, or smiling at a random stranger. How much time do we really have in this life? Is worth it to work ourselves to the bone and not take time to appreciate the finer things? I tend not to think so. That's why you'll often find dishes from yesterday sitting in my sink. I'd rather play with my baby, or cuddle with my husband after work, or write my novel. Dishes will still be there (but seriously, don't let them pile up until you have none left to use...that's just annoying). My goal is to do at least one thing every day that matters to me, and to work on those relationships in my life that are important. When it all comes down to it, what else are we here for really, if not to have relationships? We're certainly not here to become millionaires, or acquire things. We have been given life because we are meant to live it. I suppose a few gray hairs don't really matter in the grand scheme of things...but they make me think nonetheless.
PS - I hope you like my Anti-Aging Hair Rescue plug...something I might actually try! Well, maybe not, but that's my attempt to be a little humorous.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Sisters
For me, it was an emotional time and I felt myself choking back tears most of the day. I'm pretty sure it was like that for them too. The truth is that after being separated for so long, the fact that we share a sisterly bond has never changed. Over the years there was never a lack of love for each other and I found it easy to fall back into step with both of them today. My little sister and I have been back in each other's lives for a few years now, and today I just felt closer to her.
I have probably mentioned how important relationships are to me in previous posts, and today I find myself thinking on the subject again. There is, to me, nothing more important in life than relationships. They are what make up life. Having meaningful and close relationships is something I strive for, and I am finding more and more that I just don't have time for relationships that don't mean something. I value the people in my life more than anything else, and honestly, I can't imagine waking up one day and not having them around. My husband, my kids, my sisters, my aunts, my cousins, my in-laws, my friends - these are all people I really truly want to know and be known by. I want meaningful and significant relationships with them all.
My sisters are two of the most important people in my life. I remember when my mom married my step-father, and told me that not only did I have a new step-sister, but I also had a baby brother or sister on the way. I remember my elation at that very moment, knowing that I had just gone from being an only child to having two siblings! When my little sister was born, I instantly wanted to take care of her, and I have always felt that way. I feel that way even now.
So today, I hope, was the first time in many times to come where all three of us sisters were able to spend some quality time together. I love you guys.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Is There More Than Just the Physical and Emotional?
I have been writing this blog for months now, talking about my quest to achieve a healthy balance in my life. I have thought about writing this post for a long time now, but the truth is, I didn't really know what to say. There is admittedly one area in my life I have shied away from talking about but something I know is that in order to truly achieve balance, I need to acknowledge this and give it the attention it deserves. What I'm talking about is a spiritual life.
I was raised a Christian. Since I can remember, I've gone to church and Sunday school. I've read the entire Bible, and at one point in my life I was even involved in the leadership of a church. I've always leaned on my faith in a greater purpose and a loving God to get me through tough times. In the past few years though, I have gone in a direction I never thought I would. I fell into beliefs I was raised in, and over the years I have internalized those beliefs. I still believe much of what I did before, but things have changed.
When my oldest was a year old, my husband and I were forced to leave our church. For me, it was the same kind of grief I had experienced when a loved one dies. For me, it was like my family died. Living in a city where I didn't have any family, my church became that for me. Even though I had many people declare their undying friendship to me even though we had to leave the church, those people eventually dropped out of my life one by one. My closest friends became like strangers to me. It was devastating.
Since then, I have only attended church sporadically. I have pretty much lost my desire to be a part of any kind of spiritual community, because I am afraid of being rejected like that again. It has taken me over four years to find a couple of people I can genuinely call friends in my city again, and I just can't take seeing people judge others because they live a different kind of life. Because of all this, I feel as though the spiritual aspect of my life has taken somewhat of a backseat. I do still definitely believe in a higher power. I would even go so far as to say I would still label myself as a Christian. I just can't bring myself to invest so much in a group of people who will ultimately reject me because I may believe some things a little differently. I am admittedly still dealing with some of the hurts I experienced four years ago, but I recognize now that they were just doing what people do.
I have been thinking a lot about the spiritual aspect of my life lately, and just how lacking it is. But just because I reject church doesn't mean that I have to reject my belief. In fact, I never have rejected my beliefs. What I'm trying to figure out now is how to incorporate more spirituality in my life now. I like to see God in the things around me, and in my beautiful children, my amazing husband and in all the answered prayers I have seen. What I am working on now is being more mindful of those things, and allowing them to become more important in my life.
Whatever you believe, I think it's important to have some kind of spiritual aspect to life. I have never been one to tell others that they have to believe what I believe, and I'm still not. I don't think it's right to enforce a belief system on people, but I do think it's important to acknowledge that there could be some greater purpose or design in life, whether that be getting more in touch with nature and the beauty that surrounds us, or taking a moment to pray and recognize a higher power in your life. I definitely don't want to be preachy in this post, and I don't presume to think that my beliefs are the only ones out there. I do think it's important to recognize that there are more aspects to life than just the physical and emotional, and that finding balance is about paying attention to all of ourselves. So I am beginning to pay more attention to a part of my life that has been long neglected.
What do you do to keep your spiritual side vibrant?
I was raised a Christian. Since I can remember, I've gone to church and Sunday school. I've read the entire Bible, and at one point in my life I was even involved in the leadership of a church. I've always leaned on my faith in a greater purpose and a loving God to get me through tough times. In the past few years though, I have gone in a direction I never thought I would. I fell into beliefs I was raised in, and over the years I have internalized those beliefs. I still believe much of what I did before, but things have changed.
When my oldest was a year old, my husband and I were forced to leave our church. For me, it was the same kind of grief I had experienced when a loved one dies. For me, it was like my family died. Living in a city where I didn't have any family, my church became that for me. Even though I had many people declare their undying friendship to me even though we had to leave the church, those people eventually dropped out of my life one by one. My closest friends became like strangers to me. It was devastating.
Since then, I have only attended church sporadically. I have pretty much lost my desire to be a part of any kind of spiritual community, because I am afraid of being rejected like that again. It has taken me over four years to find a couple of people I can genuinely call friends in my city again, and I just can't take seeing people judge others because they live a different kind of life. Because of all this, I feel as though the spiritual aspect of my life has taken somewhat of a backseat. I do still definitely believe in a higher power. I would even go so far as to say I would still label myself as a Christian. I just can't bring myself to invest so much in a group of people who will ultimately reject me because I may believe some things a little differently. I am admittedly still dealing with some of the hurts I experienced four years ago, but I recognize now that they were just doing what people do.
I have been thinking a lot about the spiritual aspect of my life lately, and just how lacking it is. But just because I reject church doesn't mean that I have to reject my belief. In fact, I never have rejected my beliefs. What I'm trying to figure out now is how to incorporate more spirituality in my life now. I like to see God in the things around me, and in my beautiful children, my amazing husband and in all the answered prayers I have seen. What I am working on now is being more mindful of those things, and allowing them to become more important in my life.
Whatever you believe, I think it's important to have some kind of spiritual aspect to life. I have never been one to tell others that they have to believe what I believe, and I'm still not. I don't think it's right to enforce a belief system on people, but I do think it's important to acknowledge that there could be some greater purpose or design in life, whether that be getting more in touch with nature and the beauty that surrounds us, or taking a moment to pray and recognize a higher power in your life. I definitely don't want to be preachy in this post, and I don't presume to think that my beliefs are the only ones out there. I do think it's important to recognize that there are more aspects to life than just the physical and emotional, and that finding balance is about paying attention to all of ourselves. So I am beginning to pay more attention to a part of my life that has been long neglected.
What do you do to keep your spiritual side vibrant?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Are You a Hot Momma? This One's For You.
Attention all you hot mommas out there! Yes, I mean you - the one with the voluptuous curves and untamed hair. You, the one with the gorgeous pattern of stretch marks across your midriff and the circles under your eyes that just won't go away. Now that I have your attention, I must confess that any one of the preceding statements could describe me on any given day. What I want to write about in this post is how on earth a mother can begin to feel good about her body after the havoc of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, lack of sleep, and never having time for herself. I can't tell you that I have some magic cure or anything, but what I do have is experience. I have been at points in my life where I haven't left my house because I hated how I looked, and where I felt amazing about my body and loved to wear clothing that showed it off.
After having two children, I have come to a realization that my body will never be the same. I will always have to work hard to keep the fat away from my midsection, and all my sections for that matter. I'm never going to be able to sit down and eat or drink anything I want without paying for it later. That's just the way it is. That doesn't mean that I have to succumb to the gravity of negativity trying to pull me down. Sure, my body will never look like it used to, but to tell you the truth, I look pretty awesome now, and I feel even better. Quite frankly, that is all that matters.
When my oldest was about two years old, I realized that I hadn't lost any baby weight at all. I was wearing sizes large and extra large, and I was completely ashamed of my body. I don't know the exact day, or the exact thought, but one day something just snapped in me and I decided I'd had enough. I was tired of telling my husband to shut up whenever he told me I was beautiful. I was tired of trying to find clothing that would cover up all my trouble areas. So I started exercising regularly and cut out the junk food and lost over 40 pounds. The only thing I didn't do was completely change my mindset about my body. I thought I was out of the woods, but I didn't realize that I was an emotional eater, and I gained back 25 of it after a year of keeping it off. Then I got pregnant again.
When I got pregnant with baby number 2, I was 25 pounds overweight. I wasn't happy with my appearance, and being pregnant just made it worse. I gained a good 65 pounds, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea how I got around. I mean, I was carrying around the equivalent of a ten year old compared to my lowest weight! I vowed that as soon as I was physically able, I was going to start working out hard. And I did. And I've now lost 40 pounds! That makes me 10 pounds less than I weighed when I got pregnant the second time. I've only got 15 to go before I reach my goal weight, but that's not actually the point. The point is that I have had to make some significant emotional changes in order to lose the weight this time, and I actually want to keep it off, so those changes better last.
I am an emotional eater. I want to eat when I am happy, and I want to eat when I am sad. Usually, I want to eat chocolate. I don't have anything against chocolate, but when you eat it in large quantities, well, I suppose my waistline can tell you what happens. Chocolate, cookies, carbs, and all manner of other goodies made me go from a size 8 to a size 12 in a year. That was a stressful year! In the beginning of that year, I was confident. I was in good shape, eating well, and was starting my very first real job. Nothing could bring me down. Nothing except stress, exhaustion and losing confidence in my ability to teach. So I ate. And I stopped working out. I so did not love the body after that year. Ever since then, I have been working really hard on learning to love my body, and to treat it right. Now, after losing 40 pounds again, and fitting all my old clothes, and actually looking good in them, I am beginning to do just that.
I'm at a place right now where I still have lots of curves, but I love them. I've always been a curvy girl, and I haven't always embraced them. After having kids, I'm pretty sure I better get used to them! You know what I'm talking about - those curves that say, yes, I am a mother. Now I want to embrace all it is to be a woman; a hot momma! Being a hot momma is wearing my battle scars from pregnancy proudly, and not being ashamed that my body has changed. Being a hot momma is being confident enough to leave the house without makeup and still know I am beautiful. Being a hot momma is filling out my clothes and knowing I look good! So this is to all you hot mommas out there. Try looking at your body a little differently; as an amazing vessel that gave you children, and love it! Love your body by knowing it is beautiful, with all your curves and imperfections. Love your body by giving it the things it needs to function properly - a healthy diet and exercise, and of course, the occasional piece of delicious chocolate.
Go hot mommas!
After having two children, I have come to a realization that my body will never be the same. I will always have to work hard to keep the fat away from my midsection, and all my sections for that matter. I'm never going to be able to sit down and eat or drink anything I want without paying for it later. That's just the way it is. That doesn't mean that I have to succumb to the gravity of negativity trying to pull me down. Sure, my body will never look like it used to, but to tell you the truth, I look pretty awesome now, and I feel even better. Quite frankly, that is all that matters.
When my oldest was about two years old, I realized that I hadn't lost any baby weight at all. I was wearing sizes large and extra large, and I was completely ashamed of my body. I don't know the exact day, or the exact thought, but one day something just snapped in me and I decided I'd had enough. I was tired of telling my husband to shut up whenever he told me I was beautiful. I was tired of trying to find clothing that would cover up all my trouble areas. So I started exercising regularly and cut out the junk food and lost over 40 pounds. The only thing I didn't do was completely change my mindset about my body. I thought I was out of the woods, but I didn't realize that I was an emotional eater, and I gained back 25 of it after a year of keeping it off. Then I got pregnant again.
When I got pregnant with baby number 2, I was 25 pounds overweight. I wasn't happy with my appearance, and being pregnant just made it worse. I gained a good 65 pounds, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea how I got around. I mean, I was carrying around the equivalent of a ten year old compared to my lowest weight! I vowed that as soon as I was physically able, I was going to start working out hard. And I did. And I've now lost 40 pounds! That makes me 10 pounds less than I weighed when I got pregnant the second time. I've only got 15 to go before I reach my goal weight, but that's not actually the point. The point is that I have had to make some significant emotional changes in order to lose the weight this time, and I actually want to keep it off, so those changes better last.
I am an emotional eater. I want to eat when I am happy, and I want to eat when I am sad. Usually, I want to eat chocolate. I don't have anything against chocolate, but when you eat it in large quantities, well, I suppose my waistline can tell you what happens. Chocolate, cookies, carbs, and all manner of other goodies made me go from a size 8 to a size 12 in a year. That was a stressful year! In the beginning of that year, I was confident. I was in good shape, eating well, and was starting my very first real job. Nothing could bring me down. Nothing except stress, exhaustion and losing confidence in my ability to teach. So I ate. And I stopped working out. I so did not love the body after that year. Ever since then, I have been working really hard on learning to love my body, and to treat it right. Now, after losing 40 pounds again, and fitting all my old clothes, and actually looking good in them, I am beginning to do just that.
I'm at a place right now where I still have lots of curves, but I love them. I've always been a curvy girl, and I haven't always embraced them. After having kids, I'm pretty sure I better get used to them! You know what I'm talking about - those curves that say, yes, I am a mother. Now I want to embrace all it is to be a woman; a hot momma! Being a hot momma is wearing my battle scars from pregnancy proudly, and not being ashamed that my body has changed. Being a hot momma is being confident enough to leave the house without makeup and still know I am beautiful. Being a hot momma is filling out my clothes and knowing I look good! So this is to all you hot mommas out there. Try looking at your body a little differently; as an amazing vessel that gave you children, and love it! Love your body by knowing it is beautiful, with all your curves and imperfections. Love your body by giving it the things it needs to function properly - a healthy diet and exercise, and of course, the occasional piece of delicious chocolate.
Go hot mommas!
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