I have been writing this blog for months now, talking about my quest to achieve a healthy balance in my life. I have thought about writing this post for a long time now, but the truth is, I didn't really know what to say. There is admittedly one area in my life I have shied away from talking about but something I know is that in order to truly achieve balance, I need to acknowledge this and give it the attention it deserves. What I'm talking about is a spiritual life.
I was raised a Christian. Since I can remember, I've gone to church and Sunday school. I've read the entire Bible, and at one point in my life I was even involved in the leadership of a church. I've always leaned on my faith in a greater purpose and a loving God to get me through tough times. In the past few years though, I have gone in a direction I never thought I would. I fell into beliefs I was raised in, and over the years I have internalized those beliefs. I still believe much of what I did before, but things have changed.
When my oldest was a year old, my husband and I were forced to leave our church. For me, it was the same kind of grief I had experienced when a loved one dies. For me, it was like my family died. Living in a city where I didn't have any family, my church became that for me. Even though I had many people declare their undying friendship to me even though we had to leave the church, those people eventually dropped out of my life one by one. My closest friends became like strangers to me. It was devastating.
Since then, I have only attended church sporadically. I have pretty much lost my desire to be a part of any kind of spiritual community, because I am afraid of being rejected like that again. It has taken me over four years to find a couple of people I can genuinely call friends in my city again, and I just can't take seeing people judge others because they live a different kind of life. Because of all this, I feel as though the spiritual aspect of my life has taken somewhat of a backseat. I do still definitely believe in a higher power. I would even go so far as to say I would still label myself as a Christian. I just can't bring myself to invest so much in a group of people who will ultimately reject me because I may believe some things a little differently. I am admittedly still dealing with some of the hurts I experienced four years ago, but I recognize now that they were just doing what people do.
I have been thinking a lot about the spiritual aspect of my life lately, and just how lacking it is. But just because I reject church doesn't mean that I have to reject my belief. In fact, I never have rejected my beliefs. What I'm trying to figure out now is how to incorporate more spirituality in my life now. I like to see God in the things around me, and in my beautiful children, my amazing husband and in all the answered prayers I have seen. What I am working on now is being more mindful of those things, and allowing them to become more important in my life.
Whatever you believe, I think it's important to have some kind of spiritual aspect to life. I have never been one to tell others that they have to believe what I believe, and I'm still not. I don't think it's right to enforce a belief system on people, but I do think it's important to acknowledge that there could be some greater purpose or design in life, whether that be getting more in touch with nature and the beauty that surrounds us, or taking a moment to pray and recognize a higher power in your life. I definitely don't want to be preachy in this post, and I don't presume to think that my beliefs are the only ones out there. I do think it's important to recognize that there are more aspects to life than just the physical and emotional, and that finding balance is about paying attention to all of ourselves. So I am beginning to pay more attention to a part of my life that has been long neglected.
What do you do to keep your spiritual side vibrant?
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