Starting Over

I have decided to just start over.  I will have the opportunity in the next few weeks to actually go to the gym, and I'm going to take it.  I'm going to go whenever there is time, whether I have the energy or not.  I am tired of looking at the 5 or so pounds I have gained, and I'm tired of feeling out of shape.  I am tired of being tired...just tired, tired, tired.  I have the time, and I need to take it.  I am hoping to get back into the habit of working out daily, and really, really hoping to drop some of these pounds that have crept their way back into my life.  They are not welcome.  And besides, I have a bikini to wear this summer.

So, here I go again.  I think this past few months has taken a toll on me.  I have had a difficult time doing everything in my household on my own.  I have a wonderfully involved husband, but when he's working two jobs and going to college, that means the responsibility to run the household falls solely to me.  And along with working a sometimes ten hour day, it becomes exhausting.  I give and give and give and give, and rarely am I able to put anything back into myself.  I seek a balanced life, but it is so far from my grasp right now it's hard to even imagine.  I have a chance for a few weeks at least to put some work back into the physical side of things by getting more sleep and exercising again, so that's what I'm going to do. 

This isn't the first time I have "started over".  I do it every few months.  I would like to stop this cycle of doing well, sliding downhill, hitting bottom and then starting again.  It too is tiring.  I just want some balance.  I want to maintain a healthy lifestyle, healthy weight and healthy mind.  And so, I am starting again.  Maybe I'm not so much starting again though, as I am continuing a journey I started years ago that has many peaks and valleys. 

Yeah, that's a better way of looking at it. Same journey, different spot.  Here we go again.

And the Scale Says...

I am gaining weight.  Despite my commitment to healthy living, eating right and exercising, I find my resolve is waning.  It's not like I am buying junk food and stacking my cupboards with unhealthy things.  I am still doing my very best to prepare healthy meals and snacks for my family, but I just can't seem to get my eating right, nor my motivation to exercise.  The worst part of it all is that when I look in the mirror, I can see exactly where I've put on the weight.  It makes me kind of sad. 

I've fallen into some bad habits again.  In my busyness this past month, I have stopped actually preparing meals for myself.  I will eat breakfast (this is a habit I couldn't get rid of even if I tried), but lunch is usually non-existent for me.  And then I snack on bits and pieces of things all day long, just letting the calories add up.  It wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that I am not getting any physical activity.  I am not necessarily eating poorly, especially for breakfast and supper, it's just the in between that kills me, not to mention the late night eating.  I just can't stop myself.

I could come up with a gazillion excuses, but that doesn't change anything, and it certainly doesn't help me.  I have been sick, sure.  I have been exhausted, yeah.  I have been stressed, definitely.  But that doesn't make it okay that I have let things slip enough that I am not able to maintain my weight.  Thus far my slip ups haven't made me gain a significant amount of weight, but if I don't get myself out of this slump, I know that I will end up unhealthy and unhappy.  I feel like a huge failure.

I think that's probably where this all comes from.  I feel like I've been failing - or just barely surviving - in a lot of things.  It's little stuff, and silly when I say it out loud (or type it), but even things like keeping my back yard clean so that the toys don't get destroyed by rain, or folding and putting away the laundry when I wash it, or cleaning the areas of my house that no one actually sees make me feel like I'm failing at just merely living.  Like I said, it sounds silly, but I compare myself to standards I grew up in, and I just can never cut it.  My mom kept our house literally spotless, and my step dad was also like that.  Every time I cleaned something, my mom would just go along and do it again right behind me.  I'm sure she didn't realize it, but that totally gave me a complex!  Now, if things aren't absolutely spotless when I have people over, I get agitated and stressed out.  UGH, talk about a neurotic, ridiculous complex.  I feel like a failure as a homemaker when things aren't perfect, and to be honest, they never are in my eyes.

So, my stress manifests itself like it always does - on my waistline.  I don't want to go back where I was, and I know I am having a problem.  It's just a matter of slapping myself out it, waking up, moving my butt.  Maybe I could use a little help, but I fail to see where I can get it... Boo hoo, right?  I'm a grown woman, so I just need to get it together.  But, I thought I'd share it, get it out so that I can move on.  Anyone else feel  this way?

Learning from Our Children

I am an incredibly impatient person.  I come by this honestly, let me tell you!  My mother was the most impatient person I have ever met, and she sure taught me well.  One of the many things I catch myself doing that is an echo of her is prodding my kids along when they are being pokey - calling over my shoulder, "Come on slowpoke!"  Yep, I embody my mother in many, many ways.  And now I see my daughters echoing these things, and I think to myself, OH NO!  Please don't learn impatience from me.  Please don't learn to be stressed out when you don't have the perfect shoes to match your outfit, or things don't fit right, or you don't have enough time.  Please don't have a chronic, ridiculous need to be early for everything.  I am finding myself more and more taking a step back from my neurotic-ness to observe my oldest daughter, and her many refreshing, redeeming qualities.

On her last report card in Kindergarten, my daughter's teacher commented that she "has demonstrated a level of compassion [she] has never witnessed in a kindergarten student before.  She shows concern not only for her classmates but for the environment and animals as well.  She has a deep understanding of the world around her."  Talk about blowing me away!  I mean, I know my daughter is remarkable, but to hear it like that from someone else just makes my heart swell even more (brag, brag, brag).  What can I learn from this?  That I need to understand the world around me too.

My world consists of children, children and...wait for it...more children!  I need to take a cue from my kiddo and learn a little more compassion and patience.  I am sometimes too short, or too quick to judge whether they have done something against the rules, and I need to just listen more and try better to understand them.  Kids come from a completely different place than adults, and I realize that I need to try to remember where I came from when I was a kid myself.  I know it was so incredibly long ago (insert dry laugh here) but not too far away that I can't remember. 

We can learn from everyone around us if we just open ourselves up to the opportunity.  The most innocent can teach the best lessons too! 

Favorite Recipes

I've been taking a more proactive approach to the nutrition of myself and my family in the last few years, as I'm sure you are aware.  I have written ad nauseam about it.  I have obsessed over it, cried over it, rejoiced over it and just generally immersed myself in all things food.  So today, finally, I thought I'd share some of my favorite healthful recipes that both myself and my kids enjoy.  There are some indulgences here and there, because to be honest, I cannot live without them.  Hope you find something you like and can tweak to fit your needs!

1) My newest favorite is a muffin recipe from Gordon Ramsay's Healthy Appetite.

Banana Oat Muffins

Heat oven to 350 and line or grease a 12-hole muffin tin. In a large bowl combine 1 1/3 cups oats, 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (I use whole grain whole wheat flour), 1 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda, 1/4 tsp sea salt and 1/2 cup light brown sugar (you could use turbinado for something a little less refined, but you will want to add that to your liquids and let it dissolve instead of using it dry).  Make a well in the center and set aside.  In another bowl, mash 4 large ripe bananas.  Add 1 large beaten egg, and 4 tbsp melted butter (I used unsalted - or you could use light olive oil).  Dump it all in the dry mixture and stir until just moistened.  Then add 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (or, if you are like me, you'll add dark chocolate chips instead).  Fill up your tins and bake for 20 - 25 minutes.  They are beautifully moist and delicious, with very few ingredients!  This also makes a great loaf, just lower the temp by about 25 degrees and bake longer.  Mine took about 35 mins.

2) I looked up granola bars on allrecipes.com, and found one called Chewy Granola Bars.  I modified it a little to suit my family and day home.  These are not low calorie, but they are much better than the ones you buy in the grocery store.  I must admit, I ate way too many of them!!!

Original Recipe (my modifications in brackets)

Ingredients

• 4 1/2 cups rolled oats (I used 2 cups of granola cereal and 2 1/2 cups oats)
• 1 cup all-purpose flour (I used whole grain whole wheat flour)
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2/3 cup butter, softened (I used unsalted butter)
• 1/2 cup honey (here I used 1/4 cup peanut butter and 1/4 cup honey, but found they were too dry, so next time I'd up the amount of honey)
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar (Again, you could use turbinado, or organic evaporated cane juice sugar with molasses added to it in the blender or food processor - like 1 tsp per cup, if you are not wanting to use refined sugar.)
• 2 cups miniature semisweet chocolate chips (I was out of chocolate chips, so I threw in some cocoa powder, until it was dark enough to look chocolatey, then I taste tested to make sure it was good)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Lightly grease one 9x13 inch pan.
2. In a large mixing bowl combine the oats, flour, baking soda, vanilla, butter or margarine, honey and brown sugar. Stir in the 2 cups assorted chocolate chips, raisins, nuts etc.
3. Lightly press mixture into the prepared pan. Bake at 325 degrees F (165 degrees C) for 18 to 22 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool for 10 minutes then cut into bars. Let bars cool completely in pan before removing or serving. 

3)  My little ones love muffins, and I have been using this basic recipe for a long time.  Even though I already put a muffin recipe...this one is basic and you can add anything you want to it.

1 3/4 cups whole grain whole wheat flour

1/3 cup organic evaporated cane juice sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1 beaten egg

3/4 cup milk (I have used whole milk because that's what my kids drink, but any kind of milk will work, including almond milk or rice milk)

1/4 cup cooking oil (I prefer to use unsweetened apple sauce, but then you really need to make sure you grease your tins)

Add all dry ingredients, mix, make a well.  Mix all wet ingredients, pour into dry, mix, and then fill up your tins.  Bake 18 - 20 mins until toothpick comes out clean.  I always add something else to these when I bake.  I have used chocolate chips, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries (and any other kind of berry you like), bananas (if using banana, reduce milk to 1/2 cup and use 3/4 cup mashed banana), grated cheese (1/2 cup or more if you like), raisins or any kind of dried fruit you like, oats (reduce flour to 1 1/3 cup and add 3/4 cup oats - though I prefer Ramsay's recipe for oat muffins).  Honestly, muffins are the most versatile thing I bake, and my kids eat 'em up, especially the mini ones! 

4) Cereal mix - from Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, modified by yours truly.

4 cups bite sized corn square cereal (I've used Life or Shreddies, but I think Chex or something else could work)

4 cups bite-sized rice square cereal (I use cheerios or whatever is on sale if I can't find something like this)

2 cups mini pretzels

1 cup sliced almonds (I had a kid with a nut allergy, so omitted this and opted for more cereal or dried fruit)

3/4 cup packed brown sugar (unfortunately, this one is necessary because it's caramel sauce, but feel free to try turbinado or cane juice sugar with molasses and tell me how it goes...)

6 tablespoons unsalted butter

3 tablespoons light colored corn syrup (I have tried honey successfully)

1/4 tsp baking soda

1 cup (or more) dried fruit of your choice, like raisins, cranberries etc.

In large roasting pan combine cereal and pretzels and almonds.  Set aside.  In medium saucepan combine sugar, butter and syrup/honey.  Cook and stir on medium heat until it boils.  Then continue boiling at a moderate rate without stirring for 5 minutes.  Remove from heat, add baking soda and stir.  Pour over cereal mixture and stir gently to coat it.  Bake in 300 degree oven for 15 mins, give it a stir, then 5 mins more.  Cool on a greased piece of tin foil before serving.  

This recipe is by no means low fat or low calorie, but if you give it in moderation, I think it's a good snack.  I always give it with fruit or yogurt on the side.  You can also reduce the amount of caramel sauce you put on it, because it is quite sweet, but like I said, it's okay to indulge sometimes!  If you're going to, why not do it with whole grains and dried fruit dressed up a little?  Moderation is the key.

5) Mini Pizzas

On small whole wheat pita shells, spread some pizza sauce (tomato sauce, spaghetti sauce or homemade stuff will work too).  Cut up your favorite kind of meat and throw it on.  I've used ham, turkey, chicken, sausage, or whatever else my day home kids will eat.  Grate some low fat mozzarella, and sprinkle.  Bake at 400 for like 5 minutes, then broil for maybe 2 or three.  Of course, you can add any veggies you like, but my day home kids never want any so they get carrot sticks etc. on the side.  But this is a great, please everyone kind of meal that includes all four food groups in one tasty thing.  The best part is that pita shells are way better than pizza crust, and you can be choosy about your sauce.  You want to pick a sauce that doesn't have sugar listed as one of the top ingredients.  I've also used whole wheat English muffins before too. 

6) Quesadillas - My kids will eat this pretty much any time, and it's a great way to, again, get all four food groups into one thing and make it yummy.

Butter one side of a whole wheat tortilla.  Put on grill or large frying pan and place ingredients only on one half so you can fold it over.  Throw in some grated cheese, chopped chicken or whatever meat you like, and some veggies your kids will eat.  Mine like peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes etc.  Fold the shell over so that the edges are even.  Grill until brown on one side, flip, repeat.  Cut into wedges (a pizza cutter works great) and enjoy!  Again, this one is not low in fat, but if you choose fresh ingredients and watch how much cheese you put in, you're set.

Did you notice that most of the recipes I posted are for snacks and desserts?  I hate cooking meals...HATE it, but I really enjoy cooking sweets.  I have found some really great ways of getting good stuff into my kids while making it fun and yummy.  I hope you can take some of these ideas and make them into stuff your kids (or adults...) will eat and enjoy!  I'd love to hear your recipes too!

Happy eating!

 

Kindergarten Graduation

Tomorrow is my daughter's "Kindergarten Graduation" - an evening where we get to go and watch the kids parade across the stage in little graduation gowns and sing songs and recite poems, and generally, be very proud.  It may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, the finishing of kindergarten, but to me it's pretty monumental.  I can't believe my baby girl, my beautiful little angel, is entering academia.  Soon, she will be in grade one, which will mark the beginning of a grueling twelve plus years of schooling.  Kindergarten is great, and readies our kids for academic learning, and my little girl is definitely ready.

I remember so clearly the day she was born, gazing down at her in my arms and at the wonder of this new creation.  I remember thinking she would be little forever.  I just couldn't imagine her as a grown up girl, and yet, she is doing just that.  She is growing up before my eyes!  Just yesterday I looked at her and realized that she no longer has that cute little baby face.  She changes every day!  I know I'm not the only parent to say this, but where has the time gone?

My big girl is growing into such a beautiful young woman, and I just know that she is going to be successful in everything she tries.  She is compassionate, funny, kind and full of life, and I just adore her.  Tomorrow night, I'm going to be one proud mom.  Having kids is the best thing I ever did.

Slow Down!

I've been relaxing lately.  Once May ended, my crazy, hectic and ridiculous schedule slowed down significantly.  For the past week, I've barely worked at all, and let me tell you, I am having trouble figuring out what on earth to do with myself!  So, I've actually done a whole lot of nothing.  Hah, imagine that.  Me, doing nothing!  It's been very...strange.

The biggest thing I struggle with when I'm not running around like crazy, is guilt for not running around like crazy.  When I sit down and really hear myself saying that, I sounds kind of ridiculous.  I have been working like a mad woman for the past...um...forever.  Why shouldn't I want a break?  Why should I feel guilty about sitting around in my pjs for a day or two?  The truth is that I shouldn't, but I do.  We are conditioned to work, work, work, and when there is no work to do, we make work.  As a mother, wife, caregiver, and woman, I have grown up believing that my life will always be busy, and that if I'm not busy, I'm wasting my time.  This was never overtly taught to me, but I learned it nonetheless.  I'm sure you can relate!

What I need to work on is accepting this slowing down.  I need to chill out.  Seriously.  My insanely busy life is not gone for good, so I need to soak up the rest while I can.  And why shouldn't I?  Do I not deserve to take it easy sometimes?  Heck yes.  I am on 24/7, and it's okay to take a break.  In fact, achieving balance requires taking breaks once in a while.  If we mothers (and other species) don't take a break once in a while, we suffer, as do the people around us.  When we can't de-stress, the stress gets the best of us.  When we are so tired that our motions become rote and we don't remember how we got where we went, we need to stop, drop, and sleep.  So it's okay that I stayed in my pjs until I absolutely had to leave the house this week.  It's okay that I didn't get out of bed at the crack of seven any day this week.  I needed it.  It's okay that I didn't sanitize my sinks, counters, floors, door knobs, toilets, railings, table, chairs, fridge, stove and etc every single day, because I didn't have to.  I keep telling myself that it's okay, but that little part of me keeps gnawing away, saying be busy, be busy, be busy.  That part of me needs to shut up. 

Does anyone else out there struggle with the obsessive need to be busy?  Do you feel guilty when you stop?  Reality check everyone.  We need to take some time here and there just to do nothing.  And, we need to be okay with that.  It's important!  How are you going to relax this week?