It's not all unicorns and lollipops.

In writing this blog, I have noticed that my last several posts have been extremely positive.  It's really important to focus on those positive things in order to maintain motivation, and I write it more for myself than anyone else.  I need to constantly remind myself of those positives in order to keep them in the forefront of my mind, or else the negatives creep in and steal my thunder.  I am extremely happy with how far I've come in the last few months, but I have to admit, the last few days have been a little blase. 

This past weekend I got sick, and just felt tired and gross.  I didn't work out, or do much of anything for that matter.  I am happy to have had some real rest and relaxation, but I am also a little mad at myself.  You see, while I was "resting" I was also eating.  I allowed myself to get back into the bad habit of snacking for no reason, and I'm finding it a difficult cycle to break.  I am an addictive eater, and I am really struggling right now.  It doesn't help that my weight has plateaued this month, or that I'm completely depleted of energy.  I have worked out this week, but not enough.  I worked out hard, but not lots.  I've eaten some really great, healthy meals, but I've also eaten chocolate bars, cookies and coconut cream pie.  I just feel yucky.  I know what this kind of food does to my body...we're not friends...but I can't stop myself sometimes.  So today, I'm being real about my out of control food habits, and I'm admitting it to everyone. 

The problem is not that I don't like healthy foods.  I love healthy foods.  The problem is that I also love sugar, and though it doesn't sit well in my stomach, I want it.  I want it like a junkie wants crack.  I suppose I'm not the only one in this boat though, right?  I know so many people who have difficulty saying no to sugar.  I know that refined sugar messes with my body in so many ways, and there is really not one thing that's good about it.  Yet, I still consume it.  I can't stop at just one cookie.  I can't stop at just on piece of chocolate.  I have to have more.  It's best for me to just refrain from eating it completely, but then I obsess about it.  I fantasize about it.  I dream about it.  I need to break up with sugar, and end this destructive love affair. 

Another thing I'm struggling with is extreme exhaustion.  I am having doubts that my being tired is just the result of a broken up sleep.  Last night, I slept from midnight till 7:30 am, being woken up briefly at 5:00 am to feed the baby, but then promptly going back to sleep.  I slept for 7+ hours last night, and I was really out.  Problem is, I feel like I haven't slept at all.  I woke up this morning with not just one bag under each eye, but two!  When I'm tired, I feel cranky, and I want....you guessed it...sugar!  Oh sugar, you suck the life out of me.  I actually haven't done too badly today though.  It's been in the forefront of my mind, and I've been eating fruit to fulfill that sweet craving.  I have also been drinking more water, which I think might have a hand in my exhaustion.

Anyways, the purpose of this post is not to complain.  I honestly don't want to get into that bad habit too.  The purpose is to admit some of the things I am currently struggling with so that I can overcome them.  I have absolute confidence in the fact that these things can be solved, and I am working on them.  There is no way to overcome problems without admitting them, whatever they may be.  I'm not going to let these things bring me down anymore either.  Whether it's something as small and trivial as craving sweets, or something huge that has to be worked through, the first step is always admitting there's a problem.  So, here I am.  It's not all unicorns and lollipops in my life, and that's okay.  I'm getting through it.