A Sigh of Relief

I got a call from my doctor today that confirmed what I already knew. Still, I feel relieved. In a previous blog, I mentioned that I had to take my baby for a bunch of tests because she's not gaining a lot of weight. She had a blood test, stool samples, and a sweat test. The blood test was for iron levels and checking for celiac disease, the stool sample was checking for any infections or viruses, and the sweat test was checking for cystic fibrosis. All these things can cause malabsorption of food. I found out today that my girl has none of these things, except that she's a little low on iron absorption, but still has lots of iron stores from being breastfed. It turns out that she's just petite! I had a hunch, but I still wanted to know for sure. I'm glad I have a doctor who is cautious, if not overly so. I think I'd rather have a doctor who tests for all possibilities, even if it's nothing, than one who sits back and waits. It does cause a little stress though when there is even a slight possibility of something being wrong with your child.

I'm sure all moms can relate to this. Our children are the most precious things we are blessed to have. They are absolutely a gift from God. We have to do our best to give them the best lives possible, no matter what it costs us. That includes sacrifices we have to make, but it also includes taking care of ourselves adequately enough that we are still able to sustain our own identities apart from them. I feel very strongly about this! Even though I am a stay at home mom right now, I don't think it's right for me to invest every part of myself in my kids only. It's my opinion that in order to be the best mother I can be, I need to do things for myself. I need to have a balance in my life and not obsess over my girls. I don't want to be one of those women who is only "mother" and nothing else, and then have a mental breakdown when my kids grow up. I think it's so important to maintain a sense of self, and in doing this, I can give my kids the best of myself.

Don't get me wrong. At this point, my life pretty much is my kids because they are so young. It's pretty hard to do your own thing with an infant and a 5 year old. They need you almost all the time. That's ok! That's the stage of life that I'm in right now, and I relish it. I do, however, savor those moments throughout the day that are mine. Like right now for example. The baby is napping and my daughter and the girls I am babysitting are playing outside, so I am watching Oprah and writing in my blog. Later, after the girls go to bed, I will either go to the gym or go for a rollerblade, depending on how hot it still is out. Then I'll spend some QT with my husband, watch some tv and go to bed. I love spending time with the girls, but I also love those moments to myself.

I am still searching for balance though. Now that I know for sure that my little one is healthy, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can toss that worry away. One thing down....a gazillion to go! I still need to find time in my life to balance my physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual selves. I am still way out of whack...but I recognize it, and that's the first step to achieving balance.

The Long Weight

Last night I worked out. I missed my last two work outs, and it felt good to finally do it again. I missed one because I was traveling and one because I was sick. Yesterday, though I still wasn't feeling 100%, I forced myself to do it. I have 4 pounds to lose before I reach my end of the month goal. When I do that I will be in the next ten pound bracket...It has been a long time! I'm really proud of the progress I've made so far. Since giving birth, I have lost over 25 pounds (last night my weigh in indicated that I've lost 27) and I'd like to lose at least 25 more. This will put me into the range of weight that is healthy for my height.

I can already wear all the clothes I wore before I got pregnant, but I still have some clothes that are waiting patiently on the shelf for me to wear them again. After my oldest daughter turned 2, I realized I had been carrying around a lot of extra weight and had done nothing about it. So, I decided to get moving and lost 40 pounds. Then I got a full time teaching job. Throughout the year, I gained a good 25 pounds. I no longer had time or energy to work out, I ate all the goodies and treats in the staff room, and I was depressed. Teaching is a difficult job, and your first year is ten times worse. I struggled with curriculum, discipline, marking, planning...I absolutely drowned in work. I fell asleep as soon as I sat down after school, and it was all I could do to just get through the day. I gained weight. A lot of weight.

Now I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that year, as well as trying to shed those baby pounds. I am back in pretty good shape, I am fitting my clothes, and I can see a difference in my body. It's not enough yet though, proud as I am. I want to have my body functioning at optimum capacity before I turn 3o next year! I want it to last until I'm 100 and have great-great-grandchildren! The time to get ready for the rest of my long life is right now. I feel the urgency of this, a great desire to change my habits, my body and my lifestyle. I'm not doing too badly, but I know I can do better! This body is such a gift, and I feel I must do everything I can to take care if it and cherish it. I want it to work the way it should.

This part of achieving balance is particularly hard for me. Because I'm so out of whack in everything else, this is the part that slips more often than others. I am bound and determined though to hang on for dear life and kick my own butt into shape again. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to live.