Still Alive at Thirty!

I am 30.  It seems so surreal to say that I am actually thirty.  I have spent the last few months fighting with myself over the fact that I won't be in my twenties anymore, and now that my birthday has come and gone, I feel strange about it.  I fully understand that I can't turn back the clock and un-age, but seriously, do I have to get older?  Stupid question right?  Obviously I do.

But that's not the point.  My birthday has come and gone, and I'm still here.  I'm still the same as I was last week, with the same amount of gray hair and the same amount of under-eye wrinkles.  I didn't reach my goal of hitting the 140s by my birthday (in fact, I have been so out of control with my eating this last few weeks that I gained four pounds...depressed much?).  I am just the same old me.  I haven't changed, or morphed into some scary old lady.  So, I guess now I need to just get over it.  Move on.  Move forward.

That said, I thought it would be a good idea to outline some of my goals for the next year.  Instead of wallowing in my age and slight weight gain, I am going to look to the future, and the things I hope to accomplish this year.  Here they are:

1) Work on muscle tone in my arms, core and legs.  I have never had a toned body in my life, and I want to see some muscle definition! 

2) Get back on a consistent cardio schedule, despite my lack of time and energy.  I know for a fact that when I am doing cardio consistently, I feel better, more energized and more happy.

3) Find a consistent diet that benefits my body and satisfies me.  There are many foods that seem to really bother my digestion, so I am committing to reworking it all and finding a proper balance.  I have fallen off the wagon concerning the no dairy consumption rule, and I know that my stomach is paying for it.  Cheese, begone!  Or at least I need to eat it more carefully and in more moderation.  Maybe there are some cheeses that don't bother me as much as others.  I have also found lately that when I eat, though I feel full, I do not feel satisfied.  That means that I'm not giving my body what it needs or wants, and I need to figure out what it is I need to eat in order to feel more satisfied.

4) Stop worrying about the number on the scale.  I need to stop obsessing about what I weigh and start looking at my health and shape first.  I need to stop weighing myself all the time.  I don't think it is helping me!  I want to start gauging my body on how my clothes fit, and on what my measuring tape says, not necessarily on what my scale tells me.  It's time to stop focusing on weight loss and start focusing on fitness and health first.

5) Finish my novel.  It has taken a stand still, and I need to find time to write in it consistently. When I am writing, I feel inspired, happier, and motivated to do better and be better.  I need to get back into it!  I also want to devote more time to my editing job, which I  also greatly enjoy.  Time management is the key here.

6) Start some serious work on my writing teacher's resource website.  I have a lot of great ideas, but no concrete work to show for it yet, and I really want to get moving so I don't lose my motivation or resolve.

So, now that I've written down my goals for the next year, and made it (very) public, I am hoping that they will be more real to myself!  I really have to stop wallowing in my own self pity and get a grip.  I think all of these goals are attainable, but they will take a lot of work.  They will take a lot of time.  I am going to need to keep myself on a schedule if I want to exercise every day, and write and edit and create a website and still run my day home successfully.  It seems like a lot when I write it all in one sentence, but really, if I don't have goals and lots to do, I tend to get a little lazy!  I thrive on being busy, and I tend to get more done when I have lots to do - does that make any sense?

One last goal I have for myself is...to give myself a little more grace.  I am only human, and I don't always accomplish my goals.  I need to be more compassionate with myself when I slip up - like this month when I have been gaining weight.  If I am too hard on myself, I just want to eat more, or wallow in self pity a little longer, and truly, I don't have time for that kind of thinking.

So, here we go thirties.