Today will probably go down as one of the worst I have had in a very long time. I can't form a coherent thought that isn't attached to some kind of over the top emotion. I can't keep my eyes open. I can't eat, drink, sit, stand, anything. I'm a mess! And you know what it all boils down to? Not sleeping.
Okay, so I've written before about my relationship with sleep. I don't get enough, and I am very well aware of it. I feel it. I rely on caffeine and being stupidly busy to make me forget my tiredness, but it is always there in the back of my mind. It's pretty bad when you can't sit down without your eyes closing. It's even worse when you're falling asleep while your child reads to you, or when you're trying to have a conversation. Today is the culmination of something in my life that is going to eventually destroy my attempts at healthy living. I literally did not sleep last night. I laid in bed with my eyes closed for hours upon hours, attempting to shut off my brain. If I did slip into a little bit of a snooze, I dreamed about what my mind was churning over and I woke up promptly. Then the alarm went off at 5:15 a.m. to send my husband to work, and I realized I had lain awake the entire night. Luckily, I did sleep between 5:30 and 7:00 a.m. but was awoken as soon as my alarm went off, which is a good sign it wasn't a deep sleep.
Today I am wrecked. Because I am so exhausted (which is an understatement), my emotions are at an all time "crazy". This is how I get when I'm tired. Any little thing that happens to me affects me so much more profoundly because of my tiredness. I am a very emotional person, and so feeling things more intensely is definitely difficult. If I'm sad, which today I admittedly am, it consumes my thoughts entirely. It affects me more than just in an emotional way. My sadness will permeate everything around me, much more than it usually would. I can't hide it when I'm tired.
As if that's not bad enough, my body reacts to this little sleep terribly too (um, yeah, of course!). Today I have eaten a piece of fruit and a bun. I have had one cup of coffee, and not until about 1:00 p.m. because the thought of it made me want to vomit. Making toast for my kids this morning made my stomach flip. I couldn't stand up without insane nausea. And no, I'm not sick or pregnant. I have just slept too little in the past few months, and last night threw me over the edge. I really need to change something.
Moral of the story? Get some sleep. Seriously.
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