Patience, anyone?

I am almost always introspective.  I find it so important to understand my motivations for my behavior and thought patterns, because so often, they are not beneficial for me.  If I can't recognize my motivations, and think about myself in an objective way, then I cannot change.  I believe we should always be working on bringing out our best selves, in order to live our best lives.  Why settle for anything less than best?  This is the only life we have (that we can know of for sure), so why would we strive for mediocre?  That is why I push myself so hard to do things that I love, like writing, even though my life is so busy. 

I find it very easy to get wrapped up in things.  If I find something worth my time, I want to put all my energy into it.  This tends to throw me out of whack!  I want a balanced life, but in reality, I have anything but.  I keep on piling things into my packed life because I am forever wanting more, and I am always restless.  There are things I want to pursue, and suffice to say that patience is not one of my virtues.  Waiting for things doesn't come easily for me, so I jump in and try to do as much as possible at any give time.  Now, while I realize that my motivations behind it are that I have desires, drive and even a need to go after the things I want out of life, I also understand that this kind of living doesn't help with balance.

I have been trying to figure out this whole balance thing forever.  I sincerely wish that I didn't require sleep, or that the days were longer and I had more time.  There are so many things I want!  So, I just keep piling things on.  The bags under my eyes are a sure sign that I am not finding balance.  What can I do though?  I suppose I should work on patience...but the things I want, I want them now.  Once I get an idea in my head, I have an insane need to set it into motion and make it happen.  My head is so full of ideas and aspirations and wants and needs that sometimes I think it might explode!  Not to mention the fact that there are some very important people who need me.  And I sincerely love to be needed. 

So, amidst nine to ten hour work days, weekends that are frenzied and full, and people who I want to give my time and energy to, there is my writing, my fitness, my education, and maybe a little bit of fun to try and fit into my life.  I hate waiting, but fully understand that now is not a good time to start my Master's degree (even though I am jumping out of my skin with wanting!!).  I have put my own novel on hold to work on other, more immediately lucrative projects, because there is just no time to get it done right now, unless I want to not sleep ever (and, considering what we know about me and no sleep, we know that's a bad idea).  Plus, I wouldn't be able to produce quality writing anyways. So, right now in my introspective state, I am working on patience.  I think I'll always have to work on it, but I recognize that I am severely lacking in this department.  So many things need to wait, because I just don't have the time or energy to do them all. 

On the plus side of this patience struggle is the fact that I actually have desire and drive.  I spent a long time being wrapped up in the monotony of daily life and losing myself in the caring for others that I had no drive to grow myself.  I forgot what it was like to want things for me, for so incredibly long.  In the past, I have wanted things to prove that I was okay; that I was surviving.  Now, I want things because I just want them.  This life is it.  This is what we have, right now, today, and I don't want to waste any of it.  I love that I have found passion again (even though it makes me crazy with impatience!).  Passion and patience don't go together well, but I'd rather feel this bursting need than nothing at all. 

Life is so good.  What are you feeling passionate or impatient about today?