Inspiration

As life moves in its brand of monotony, once in a while I run into some inspiration.  I've blogged at great length about my goals and dreams, and my frustrations in not being able to see those things come to pass as quickly as I'd like.  These moments of inspiration I speak of are what keep me going, trying, wanting...these moments keep me from giving up.  The thing in my life that's on my mind the most these days is my novel.  I've been writing for over a year now - I don't actually remember when I started, but it's got to be over a year, maybe two.  I've promised myself I'd finish the first draft of it this year.  By the end of 2012, I will be ready to start editing and revising it. 

My inspiration comes from many things right now.  First, last month I completed my first freelance writing project.  Here it is, if you're interested: http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/B00703PS7A/ref=sib_dp_kd#reader-link  It was a very positive process, and in the end, I'm proud of my work.  And what a thrill to see my name on the front of a book!  I've been published for small pieces before; poetry and such, but this, this is the biggest thing I've done.  To see my name in print makes me believe that I just might have what it takes to write a good novel. 

As it sits right now, this moment, I have written over 18 chapters of my young adult novel.  The main character is from my heart, and embodies a young woman who is struggling to find her own strength, as well as connect to another human being in a meaningful way.  95 180 words later, I think I have the start of what could be a fantastic book.  It's exciting to see how far I've come and how much I've written.  This too is incredibly inspiring!  It's already 175 single spaced typed pages long, and I can see the end coming.  I can see the story wrapping up, as I bring it to the climax and bring all the pieces together.  Thrilling.  Absolutely thrilling. 

Another source of inspiration is the people around me.  How I came to have such wonderful, encouraging people in my life, I don't really know.  I've recently sent the entire unfinished mess to a friend, who is constantly encouraging me and telling me it will happen.  I don't think she has any idea how much that means to me.  I see it.  I picture it.  I visualize this thing being a success.  The thing that I find most inspiring, is that other people see it too.  She tells me this is going to happen, and I believe it!  It's amazing what belief can accomplish, and at this moment, I really really believe in it. 

In the back of my mind, there's always that nagging bit of inadequacy that has followed me all my life.  I hear things like, "What if I'm kidding myself and it's no good?"  "What if people are just placating me, and I have no talent?" "What if people just won't like it?"  These thoughts are so damaging, and inspiration helps them go away.  Writing this novel is like putting myself on the page, completely bare.  It all came from me.  Every word is mine, and I guard it and cherish it.  It's the ultimate in being vulnerable to share something like this with the world.  You set yourself up for criticism, ridicule, failure.  But what I know is that it's completely worth it!  To see your dream working itself out on the page, and knowing that there's a possibility that it could be loved by someone just as much as you love it - priceless! 

So, right now I'm feeling inspired and excited.  I can't wait to finish this draft and move on to the edit and revise stage, and pull the whole story together.  I can't wait to see it in one piece!