Dwelling on the Past

We all have a past. Every one of us has come through difficult, or even impossible circumstances. One thing I have learned, and have been reminded of as of late, is that we need to leave the past behind us. People allow their pasts to pull them, making balance very difficult. It's like a tug of war. When you have a plethora of experiences and feelings pulling against your present, there is always more weight in the past, and it will topple you over, if you let it. Whatever we have been through, we do not have to let it negatively affect our lives for a single moment longer. Believe it or not, you have control over your thoughts and emotions. You can let go of the rope and let it fall.

When I say leave the past behind, I do not mean take a shovel and bury it, along with all the feelings that come with it. I mean that we need to be real about what has happened to us, and then deal with all the consequences. When they are dealt with, we can say goodbye to them. Let me tell you a little bit of my own story to illustrate what I mean.

I, like every single one of you out there, have not had an easy time of things. When I was too young to remember, my parents divorced. After this, my mother decided to begin a new relationship with a man who seemed to have it all together. He did not, as it turns out. His need for control and domination led to many different forms of abuse that my whole household had to deal with. He had a very bad temper, and though he never struck me, he belittled me to the point where I did not feel any self worth. It was then that other forms of abuse began to surface, and did not stop until my mother got sick with cancer and passed away. I was fourteen at the time, and my precious little sister was only six. We were left alone with a man, who in my mind, hated me to the core.

After years of being ignored, abused, belittled and made to feel worthless, I had had enough. I could no longer deal with any of it, and I had to find a way out. I briefly considered suicide, but did not have it in me to take that path. I looked for validation in many, many places and did not find it. A sixteen year old me finally had a blow up with my step father, and was forced to leave my home. It was the next two years that saw healing begin in my life, and the beginnings of hope and worth began to sprout. I learned that only I had power over myself, and that I did not have to let him hurt me anymore. I became fierce, passionate and motivated. I turned the pain, sorrow, hate and sadness into fuel for my progression in life.

Finally, through talking about my experiences, praying, and being loved, I was able to forgive. I was able to take all the negative emotions and let them out. They seemed to dissipate. I realized that my negative emotion, my hate, my unwillingness to forgive was holding me back from really living life. I needed to be free, and I made a choice. I am not saying that in a split second, I was completely better and it was all gone, but I am saying that I was able to make a conscious choice every day to live instead of hate and hurt. It took me many, many years to come to a place in my life where I am happy with myself and I am not negatively affected by what happened to me. I will not lie and tell you I have forgotten, or that it doesn't still make me mad, but I can tell you I do not feel helpless and hopeless anymore. My past is just where it should be - in the past. Every experience I have had has had a hand in who I am and who I choose to be, but the key word here is 'choose'. I choose to be someone who has conquered my past and lived to tell the tale. It was an ugly battle, but the truth is that I am strong, and so are you.

I encourage you, whatever it is that you are holding on to, to be real about it. Talk about it. Deal with your feelings, and then allow the past to die away. Punch it in the face if you need to, and then forgive. You have a right to feel your anger, pain, disappointment, fear, and hate! So, go ahead and feel them. Allow yourself to feel them completely, but then let them go! Emotions like this will become toxic to you, and you owe it to yourself to purge them. You will never forget the circumstances you were placed in, but you can certainly overcome them. I am not perfect. I certainly do not 'have it all together' but once or twice in my life, I have taken the reins and said NO MORE. My heart, which is so full with love for my husband, my kids, my sister, my family and my dear friends has absolutely no room for hate and unforgiveness.

Which one would you rather have inside you? Let's let the past stay there. It clutters up the present and the future.