Let's Get Real

Since my last post, I have been thinking a lot about things we keep to ourselves. I had coffee with a friend today, and I must say, I so appreciate how real she is. It's nice to have a conversation without pretense and pretending. I've come to a point in my life where I appreciate people who are real about how they feel, and how they are doing and managing, and where I want to do the same myself. I'm done with pretending that things are ok when they're not, and that I am someone I'm not. I don't feel like putting on a face for the world just to be acceptable. I wonder how many of you are in the same boat.

We all put on masks depending on the situation we find ourselves in. There are things that are deemed acceptable, and things that are unacceptable in society. Because of this, there is an unnecessary pressure on most people to perhaps be something they are not, or live up to a standard that is unattainable. I wish that we could just be ourselves, with all our shortcomings and be real about it. That's not to say we shouldn't strive to be better, or do more or learn more, but so many people are just tearing themselves apart inside with a big smile on their faces! I know I don't want to be in that spot. I've talked about 'faking it until you make it', and that has a place in everyone's lives, but this is an entirely different thing. I'm talking about being real about who you are, how you feel, and what you're doing about it.

As a mother of young children, I often feel pressure to be a 'super-mom'. There is a perception of motherhood out there that is entirely false. People think that if you choose to have kids, you must love every minute of it. How dare you ever say that you're struggling, or that you are tired, or that you sometimes just want them to go away! That would make you a bad mother, right? Wrong! I'm not ashamed to admit that, even though I chose to become a mother, I sometimes want to get away from my kids. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have kids. I am sometimes unhappy. There, I said it. Sometimes, I wish my life was different. Does that make me a bad mother? Does that mean I don't love my kids with every fiber of my being? Heck no! My kids are the greatest thing I have ever done, and will continue to be until the day I die. They are my greatest joy, my greatest love and my greatest triumph. That doesn't mean I can't want other things too.

I think it's high time we get real - with ourselves, with our families, with the world. There are things we should talk about that we don't because it is taboo...people just don't say things like, "I struggle with depression," or "My marriage isn't all I wanted it to be," or "I need someone to take my kids for a day because I need to be away from them." Instead of admitting that something makes us unhappy, very often (and I'm talking primarily to women here...but I'm sure men to it too) we suppress it and tell everyone we're fine. What I wonder is, if you don't admit it, how can you change it? Yes, I am unhappy sometimes. I wish my career was on track. I sometimes wish I had chosen a different career. I sometimes wish my life was different. There is nothing wrong with being unhappy with your current circumstances, whether you chose them or not. The thing is that if we open up a dialogue about it, it's more likely that we can get past the feelings and move on. We can change things!

This blog is about my search for balance. I believe that in order to get there, I need to get real with myself. I need to acknowledge the fact that my life isn't perfect. I need to discard the masks and costumes I put on and just be real. I've written about ways I get through the day, and I'm admitting now that some days are a real struggle. I don't have it all figured out. I don't do everything right. I don't do everything that moms are 'supposed' to do. Sometimes I am too tired. Sometimes I don't want to. That doesn't mean I love my kids any less. That doesn't mean I am neglecting or abusing them. That doesn't mean they are suffering. It means that I am a real person. It means that I have the balls to admit when I struggle. I think this is doing my kids a service in the long run, because it's setting an example for them that is attainable!

Why don't we stop being so hard on ourselves and keeping it all bottled up? Why don't we open up a dialogue about our feelings, failings, achievements and triumphs? Why don't we say, "I'm not doing so great today" and have that be ok? The more we admit it, the more acceptable it will be, and the easier it could be to overcome. I'm going to start now. Here's me being real.

• Sometimes I want to go back to work.
• Sometimes I want my kids to hurry up and grow up so I can have a life again.
• I am overweight. I have also lost almost 30 pounds. I don't feel fantastic about my body yet but I feel better than I used to. I am actually in really good shape (compared to how I used to be), and am working toward a healthier me.
• I obsess over food. I stress about making sure I eat healthy things, and I fantasize about fettuccine alfredo and cheesecake. I take comfort in it when I am upset. I celebrate with it when I am happy. I need to change my perspective on food. I am trying.
• I cry almost every day. Sometimes they are happy tears, sometimes they aren't.
• I miss things I used to do but can't do now, like singing. I see people on stage at events and whatnot, and I am jealous.
• I am not a great housekeeper. I always make sure the main floor is clean and tidy when people are in my house, but on the weekends I don't bother. I don't let people go upstairs because it's usually messy. I hate housework.
• I don't like to cook.
• I love my husband more today than I ever have, and I'm so glad I married him.
  
• I think I have the best kids in the world. Seriously, I do.
  
• I am a good mother.
• I am a good wife.
• I am a good teacher.
• I am doing a good job at life even though I struggle.

I hope I have inspired you to be real. Let's talk about the things in our lives we have a hard time with, and not criticize or judge because let's face it, we have all been there. Let's stop pretending!