Things I Think I Know

I've always been fairly smart. I wouldn't say I'm the most intellectual person you'll ever meet, or that I have the most common sense, or that I'm the most gifted or talented. I would say that I do have the ability to learn. School was never much of an effort for me, though I did always work hard because I was pushed to achieve high. When I got to university, I would say I excelled at my studies, but again, I worked hard. I was interested in what what I was doing, and I have an uncanny ability to sit through three hour lectures and absorb most of what is being said. University worked out very well for me. Because I never had those struggles, I always thought of myself as a smart person. I used to think I knew everything! I knew about life, God, kids, teaching, relationships, survival, strength...the list goes on. I'm pretty sure I was the smartest person I know.

Then I had to suffer some struggles and setbacks. Suffice to say, I know now that I definitely don't know everything. In fact, I can only scratch the surface of most of the things I do know something about. In life, I realized that yes, I have had many experiences I can learn from, and yes, I do know a lot about how to make it through tough situations. I also realized that the things I learned aren't the half of it. Once, I went to church. I was a part of all sorts of things in the church. I was pretty sure that I had all the right information on God and who he was and what he was. I was certain that I was destined to be in ministry for the rest of my life and that nothing could ever end it. Then I had to leave. Now, I have had to reevaluate everything I thought I knew in that place, and have come up with a lot of questions without answers. I have discarded much of what I practiced then.

Relationships haven't always been easy for me either, but in my early twenties, I was pretty sure I had it all figured out. I got married, had a bunch of great friends who were like family, and I was starting my own family. I was repairing relationships that had been damaged and I felt great! Then I lost my social group. One by one, each of my friends "broke up" with me. I realized that I had a lot to learn about my husband and how to make a marriage work, and I had a crash course in parenting (my first daughter was a surprise). I now have some really great old friends, who I've known since school, and about four or five friends I see occasionally. I have really changed my opinion on what friendship is. I have come a long long way in my marriage, and I realize that I had no idea what it took. The nature of my friendships have significantly changed - from being seriously co-dependent to being mutually beneficial. My relationship with my family members has grown and become more real. Everything I thought I knew about people and how to relate to them has been thrown out the window.

Then comes the topic of kids. I have always related well to kids. I used to make good money babysitting, I have a sister who is quite a bit younger than me, I was a camp counselor, and then I became a teacher. I thought I knew all about kids; how to raise them, how to teach them, how to love them. OH BOY, I didn't have a clue! As a parent, I have been blessed with good kids, and have the good fortune to agree on many child-rearing principles with my husband. But I see now that I used to be very idealistic. I used to think there was a hard and fast way to deal with misbehavior, and teaching your kids how to be people. I have found lots of things that work really well for me, and I think my daughter is a well behaved, lovely girl. That's not to say that I haven't floundered quite a bit! Parenting is a minute by minute struggle sometimes, and you have to do whatever works best for you. There is no manual! Who knew?

Teaching was much the same. In university, you learn a ton of great stuff. You learn theory, methodology, curriculum and all sorts of other goodies. In practicums, you learn a lot of things first hand. It's really super! I loved learning about teaching and about kids and how to deal with each type. I never had discipline problems in my practicums and I always left with kids crying and saying I was the best teacher they'd ever had, and blah, blah, blah...welcome to my bubble of idealism and lollipops. Then I got my first job. I had never in my life had a kid hate me just because he felt like it! I had never had to deal with the pressures all by myself, and my bubble popped. I sure learned a lot about the kind of teacher I don't want to be that year.

I used to think I knew it all (as I'm sure every young adult does). Now, I think I might know absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. I love that I can learn things every day, and that when I fall on my face, I can get back up and try something else. I know a few things that have gotten me this far, and I'm thankful for that. I look forward to learning more stuff, and realizing even more that I have no clue. I have to remind myself that every person does things differently, and there is no hard and fast way to live this life. I also have to remind others who like to tell me what I need to be doing, how I need to be parenting, how to be a good wife, that what works for you might not work for me. What works for me might not work for you! It's super to tell people what you are doing, but don't try to tell them it's the only way. There are as many ways to live our lives as there are people on this planet. Isn't that fantastic?

How's yours working for you? What do you need to learn? How do you need to change your perspective?