Do you ever feel a deep seated feeling of anticipation that something is about to happen? Does the air around you feel electrically charged, like the gears of fate are grinding, causing friction and moving you into the next season of your life? I do. I feel that right now. So much has been happening in my spirit in the last year, since the birth of my second daughter. Something inside of me is stirring, moving and absolutely itching for change. There are very few times in my life when I have felt like this, and each time I was on the precipice of something totally life changing; meeting my husband, having my kids, getting my first job.
You have to understand something about me. As I have mentioned before, I am a planner through and through. I choose a direction, and I do not deviate from that path. Since I was 16 and had to strike out on my own, I have had a life path chosen. I never once entertained the thought that I might do something else. I didn't give myself a list of options and then go for the most practical or appealing one. I chose one thing to do, and I did it. That was 13 years ago, and it has just been in the past year that I have come to the realization that I don't really have to be this way. I am allowed to broaden my horizons. I have given myself permission to do so, and believe me, that is a leap!
This all started when I chose not to go back to teaching and stay home with my kids. I began by feeling a little bit stuck, and while I love being with my girls all the time, I felt a sadness at the loss of my career...even though I chose to leave it. The thing that kept going through my mind was that I had worked so incredibly hard to gain my career, and now, after only teaching a few years, I was throwing it away. On the flip side, I had such a negative experience my first year teaching, I wasn't sure I wanted this career any more, or at least not until I was in a better place emotionally. Taking a few years to raise my kids seemed like the best option. And I don't regret it for one minute. I still felt like I had wasted five years in university getting my degrees, and I still wanted to use it for something. Running a day home isn't exactly the same thing.
So after I grieved the loss of a life I had pictured for myself for so long, I realized that this didn't have to be the end. I could still use my skills. I could still have something to strive for (besides raising fantastic kids). So I started to write. This isn't news to anyone who has been following my blog. But as I wrote in the entry about the snowball effect, one thing tends to lead to another. It just gets bigger and bigger. That's why I am anticipating something huge in my life. Finally, after being so narrow minded about my life path for so long, I am able to look beyond the little box I have created for myself and see something completely new.
The other night I hatched a plan, as I am wont to do. But this plan has me super excited! If I can make it work, and I see absolutely no reason why I can't, then I can stay at home with my kids, continue with my day home, and use both of my university degrees. Here's the kicker. I can do something I am absolutely passionate about! Can you feel the electricity?
So what, you ask, is this new direction? Well, I have an elaborate plan, and my favorite thing about it is that it isn't unattainable and it could be huge! It's something I can put into action right now, and in fact, I already have. What I plan to do is teach creative writing. Hmmm, sounds pretty close to my original career plan, right? Well, it's not. What I want to do is to start out by putting on writing workshops for kids who want to hone their craft. They will be extra curricular, and just for kids who want to be writers. That's where it starts. I want to do the first one during the second semester of the school year, and set myself up to do a few more next summer. Eventually, I will be able to develop a self-contained course and original resource that can be taken and taught by anyone. That's where it starts to get big. By February of 2012, I want to present a workshop at the local teacher's convention and have a booth set up to sell my resource. I want to get other educators excited about teaching writing, and show them how to implement my program in their own classrooms, or as an extra curricular at their school. But that's just the beginning. I want to take my plan and go around to schools and school divisions and give professional development workshops for teachers and school staff to help them get excited about teaching writing too. I want to create my own resource to publish and sell and bring other teachers on board who either want a change in their careers or can't find a job in this difficult economy...or who just want in!
All of this is just the jist of the plan, which I am still in the process or formulating. My main focus right now is the workshops for kids and figuring out the logistics of that venture. If I had known that this is what would happen when I open myself up to all the incredible possibilities afforded to us in this country, I may have been a little more open in the past. The air around me is thick with the anticipation and I'm so excited at the prospect of a new direction in my professional life. I am so incredibly passionate about writing, and it has taken having the time to actually do it again to get me there. When I was teaching I only had time for planning, marking, and sleeping. Now, even though my life is busy, I actually have a chance to sit down for a few minutes every day and write. It had to all be stripped away for me to even see that there could be other possibilities. Isn't that often the way? Lose to gain? Well, I'm glad.
Is there some possibility in your life you need to open up to? Are you really where you want to be? I know that I'm getting there, and I hope my grand plans can inspire some of you to make a change if you really need one. So, what are you waiting for?
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