Each of us has the inherent right to exist. We were born, and therefore have the right to be alive. What we don't realize is just how important we are. Every woman I have ever met, and many men too, have a view of themselves that I believe was not the intention when we came into being, however you believe that to have happened. I feel as though we don't see the worth in ourselves, and when we don't realize this truth, we are unable to reach our full potential as human beings.
How many times have you said to yourself, "I'm just not good enough," or "I just don't have what it takes," dissuading yourself from success? How many times have you looked in the mirror and been dissatisfied with what you saw? How many times have you failed and given up? I believe the human race has a sickness called 'self-depreciation.' Why don't we value ourselves the way we should? There are many answers to that question, and it is different for every person and every situation. All I know are the reasons I have devalued myself, and I can only guess as to why others do it. What I want to see is my generation, and those generations coming after me to learn the value of the self. We need to understand and realize that we are worth the air we breathe, and that to deny ourselves this is a grave crime.
When we begin to understand just how valuable we are, life can take a completely different course. When we treat ourselves poorly and allow others to treat us poorly, we live below the standard we were made for. We tend to be unhappy, unfulfilled, angry, bitter and resentful. When we take the time to look at the good in us, and not allow others to treat us badly, we walk in an empowered existence. We are then able to look past life's setbacks and move forward. We can take the abuse others dole out and push it away, not internalizing it. We can heal from past hurts, and emerge from inside ourselves, giving positivity, love, and faith to others. But first we need to stop devaluing ourselves.
So, for what reasons have I devalued myself? Much of it stems from childhood, rejection, abuse and being treated poorly. Every person on the planet is abused by another at some point in their lives, but we cannot continue to allow that ill treatment to change how we view ourselves. When I was young, I was abused by someone I trusted. That caused me to view myself as usable and expendable. I was too young to realize that I didn't have to allow it to affect my perspective on myself, and so I carry that with me. Over the years, I have been rejected by many people: men, church, friends. I have caught myself saying I felt discarded like a piece of trash. What I didn't realize was that by saying I felt like trash, I was beginning to view myself as trash. Well, I am not trash, and I am deeply saddened that I ever thought that, for even one second.
While I carry all the poor treatment I have suffered at the hands of others, I have internalized my own poor treatment. Because I was told over and over again that I wasn't good enough, I began to believe that I wasn't good enough. I couldn't be good enough for anyone. I began to sabotage my relationships because I thought people were going to see the image I thought I was - that they would figure out I wasn't good enough. They would figure out I felt worthless on the inside, and they would believe it too. I internalized hurtful words and actions, and began to hurt myself with them. When I think about it logically, I ask myself why on earth I would abuse myself. What could I possibly gain by perpetuating the cycle of hurt inside? The answer is nothing, only grief. This is not a way to live. Now I can see that I have bruised myself. I can see the scars I have inflicted, and I have made a promise to myself to be a little gentler, to treat myself better. I wouldn't take a knife and cut up my body, so why should I cut up my psyche?
But how can we stop this vicious cycle? The first thing we need to realize is that our value as human beings was set the moment we came into existence, and it cannot change. We were given life, something that should never be taken lightly. Because we have the privilege of being alive, we are intrinsically valuable. No one on the planet can lower our value, not even ourselves. The truth is still true, whether we believe it or not. We have the gift of life, and who are we to demean it?
I'm not saying we can stop eating our humble pie and walk around with inflated heads. I just think we need to realize that we are valuable, and no matter how many times we are told otherwise, it's not going to change. So, I have some things I need to work on. So, I have a bit of a temper. So, I am not always the most patient, or kind, or affectionate person. I am still a person of value, and now that I can see that, I have slowed down on the inner self-mutilation. I can see that I deserve to live a good and happy life. I can see that I need to treat myself well, body and soul. I can see that when I am down on myself, I'm just falling into old cycles, and I now have the ability to pull myself out of it. Do I always do it? No. But I know I can, and that's a start.
Gone are the days when I don't appreciate myself. Gone are the days when I think I am not good enough for some person or some job or some group. Gone are the days when I abuse and belittle myself. Gone are the days when I allow others' hurtful words and actions to turn into a cycle of self abuse I cannot crawl out of.
My earnest hope is that I can pass this on to my children, and everyone else around me. I am so far from perfect, and even now I am asking myself, "Who am I to be preaching to everyone?" Well, I am a person of value. I know I have flaws, and that's okay. I want this thing that has allowed me to heal from old hurts and see things differently pass on to others. I sincerely hope that when you look in the mirror today, you can smile and tell yourself you are valuable, acceptable, beautiful and even priceless. Because you are.
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