Daddy Left You Again

The title of this post is causing me so much anguish.  I have been watching a program called "Teen Mom" and highlighted in this episode was something that actually made wrenched my heart and made me physically sick.  Obviously, as shown in the title of the show, these moms are young.  They may not have all the tools it takes to have healthy relationships and be parents, but the fact of the matter is that they are parents.  Once a child enters the picture, the parents do not come first.  They don't come second, sometimes not even third.  The main priority in a parent's life is to care for their children and give them the best upbringing they possibly can.  That means that if you don't have the tools to be a parent, you better darn well get them, in my opinion.

One girl on the show had a blow up with her boyfriend, with whom she had had several ups and downs; break ups and make ups.  This blow up, as usual, happened in front of the little toddler, and it ended with the mom saying to her daughter, "Daddy left you again."  The baby screamed for the remainder of the shots including this mom.  Not only does she initiate fights in front of her child, but she cusses in front of her, and then tells her that her father is leaving her.  I'm not sorry to say that this woman needs a serious reality check.

What we sometimes forget is that little ears are always listening.  It doesn't matter how young they are, or whether they can talk or not, they know whether you are saying something good or bad.  Newborns can sense a soothing tone or an angry one, and they respond accordingly. Toddlers mimic whatever they see, and if you yell and scream, so do they.  My own daughters show me this every day of my life.  My five year old is constantly saying things I have said to her - to her baby sister, to her friends, to her dolls, and even back to me.  I have to watch what I say.  My baby girl mimics her sister constantly.  Lately, her thing is to growl at everyone and scream - something my five year old taught her. 

The things we tell kids, especially the negative, will always stick with them.  If you tell a child over and over again that her daddy left her again, she will grow up believing that she was the cause of her father and mother's lack of relationship!  Do we really want our kids to internalize these things?  I am so appalled at these kinds of behaviors that my blood is just boiling.  Watching this little toddler scream and cry out for attention, comfort and her father absolutely broke my heart.  My husband said he just wanted to go upstairs and hug our girls.  I wanted to find that little girl and just love her. It takes so many more times saying positive and affirming things to people to blot out the negative, that when we say things that are hurtful to our children, we have to work ten times harder to counteract it.  The negativity festers, and if you tell a child things like, "It's not good enough," or "You're being stupid," they will absolutely believe you.

I just needed to vent a little about this issue.  I know I am not a perfect parent, and I have made my mistakes in parenting my kids, but through the process I have grown and learned, and strive to continue to do so.  I want so much to be someone my kids can look up to; someone who supports and loves them and brings out the best in them.  I just wish all parents had the tools necessary to put their children first.  I guess that is one reason why teens should not be having children themselves - they are ill equipped for the most part.  Heck, I was 23 when my 5 year old was born, and it was no picnic for me!  The learning curve was mind blowing.  But dear Lord, let the words, "Daddy left you again," never depart from my lips, or anything else like it!