Perspectives in the Mirror

I have always had a pretty distorted perception of what I look like.  It's always quite difficult to actually see myself as I am, and not how I think I am.  Do you ever have this?  There have been some points in my life when I have looked in the mirror and thought to myself, Wow, I look pretty darn good!  More often than not though, I look and see only my flaws.  My skin is blotchy, my eyes look tired, I have a double chin, I have big thighs, my stomach is flabby, I have a booty the size of...well, you get the picture.  More often than not, I see the things about myself I wish I could change and not the things I like. 

Well, lately that pattern has been a little different.  On several occasions, I have gotten dressed in the morning, surveyed the results and felt good about what I saw.  On these occasions I didn't only see thighs, which are admittedly shrinking.  I didn't see extra flab and curves where I don't want them.  I saw someone who has been working really hard to shape my body into an efficient machine, and I was happy.  

I've also always hated catching my reflection in windows and mirrors as I walk by.  I always think my butt sticks out too far and that things are just too big.  Again, all I used to see were the things I hated!  Well, tonight, not for the first time, I caught my reflection as I walked by some windows at the gym and I didn't cringe.  Not even a little.  I thought to myself, Geez, you look awesome!  Imagine that.  I was using positive self talk without even knowing it! 

Well, the truth of the matter is that I have lost a lot of weight since the birth of my almost one year old.  I am actually at a lower weight now than I was when I got pregnant.  I'm also in great shape.  I can run, walk, do cardio, and lift weights all without feeling like I'm going to die every step of the way.  I actually like working out.  I have gone from a size 18 to a size 10 (8 if it's stretchy).  So, I guess all this positivity and hard work is actually doing something to my brain.  Instead of seeing all the things I want to change about my body, I see how far I have come, and how incredible I look after all that hard work.  I still have quite a ways to go before I reach my goal, but I acknowledge that I am well on my way, and I am so proud. 

I know I'm not alone in this distorted view I often have of myself.  I know there are so many women, if not all of them, whose negativity manifests itself in the mirror.  We see a distorted image of what is really there, and we allow that lie to get us down and perpetuate itself.  Again, the whole positive self talk thing is such a must if we want to change.  It all begins in the brain, especially if you want a lasting change!  In the past 6 years, I have been borderline obese, and I have been at the lowest weight of my life.  Right now, I am on the lower end of overweight for my height.  When I was skinny, I told myself that I was never going to be that fat again, but honestly, I didn't fully understand what it would take to change my life around completely.  I did a really good job, and I only gained some of the weight back, but I did so because I was being negative.  I had a very difficult year, and I ate my way through it instead of staying positive, telling myself that I could do it and sticking to my active lifestyle.  I can see how I sabotaged myself now.  I see how I began to feel terrible about myself and how it eventually manifested in the mirror.

I hope we can beat this sickness one day.  I hope we can start to see ourselves as beautiful, wonderful human beings despite our flaws.  I hope the inner dialogue of humanity changes significantly, so that we can unleash the power within ourselves and create better lives.  Here's the thing though.  It starts with you and me.  If we don't begin with just us, we're never going to get anywhere.  I can talk about making positive changes in my life until I'm blue in the face, but it's meaningless unless I am actually making those changes myself. 

So here I am, starting with something so tiny as liking what I see in the mirror.