Do you ever push yourself to your absolute limit? Do you take yourself to the point where you know that if you just take one more step, one more breath, speak one more word, you will spontaneously combust? I have been there. Actually, I more than 'been there'. I have lived there, on the brink of insanity for many, many years. Somehow though I remain, from my point of view, alright.
I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew. I think over the years I have grown some pretty fierce fangs! I load myself up with responsibilities, activities, jobs, tasks, etc. because I have an innate need to be doing. When I am relaxing (which by the way, I force myself to do often), I feel a little pit in my stomach because I know there is something that needs to be done. But I force myself to sit there, and not do anything because I know that if I keep on going, I will fry my brain. Thank goodness I have become vaguely aware of my limits. Because if I didn't know just how far I could push myself before the breaking point, I think I'd be living not on the brink, but in deep, deep...water.
Let me illustrate. I am a teacher. My first real job was in a small town, teaching primarily junior high. My previous experience from university practica and substitute teaching was with middle school/junior high students. So I felt like it would be a piece of cake. I was prepared. I had it down! I had never had any significant issues with students in the past, and in fact, had received almost all positive feedback. Was I ever in for a rude awakening! It turned out that I knew absolutely nothing about (or so I felt) this particular set of kids, and I barely kept my head above water the entire year. I cried every day, and it was all I could do to keep it together in front of my students. I became that teacher...you know, the one kids love to push. The one kids are proud to say they gave a nervous breakdown. Had the school year been any longer, I am certain they would have succeeded.
That was my limit. I was dangerously close to going over that proverbial line, and plunging head first into the deep end. Thankfully, all subsequent experience has been incredibly positive, and I came back from the brink. This however, was a major factor in my decision to take a hiatus from teaching and open my day home so I could have another child and stay home. The day home has had its own challenges though, and I believe that if I didn't know just where my limits are when dealing kids, then I would very well be going back to teaching (maybe in a college...). Sometimes teaching is easier. Sometimes.
I am not saying all of this to tell people to shy away from their limits. Exactly the opposite actually. I think we need to push ourselves and find out just how far we can go, otherwise, we are not living up to our full potential. Another thing I believe very strongly is that our limits are very elastic. The more we push, the farther out they will go, especially when we aren't ramming our heads against the wall with all we've got. A gentle nudge will often do the trick, and then you know.
Our mental limits are much like our physical limits in this way. Fifty pounds ago, (I've lost a total of 50 now!) I could do maybe twenty minutes of moderate cardio, and then I was done. Now, my body can go and go and go. I have yet to find the point where I need to puke (well...once or twice I thought maybe). My asthma has improved, my stamina is better, my strength is more. This comes from pushing my physical limits. It comes from working hard enough that I can't have a conversation while I'm exercising, and I feel ready to drop by the time I'm done. It's challenging those limits and not accepting that they are concrete. They are not.
Finding balance in life is about knowing your limits. It's about pushing them when it is time to push, and taking a break when it's time to rest. It's about challenging yourself, but not making yourself crazy. There is a fine line between a challenge and an impossible task, so feel those limits and take it easy. Push, but don't run in head first. At least that's my preference. I am trying to be reasonable about how much I take on, and I think that even though I am busy, and my life is very, very full, I don't yet have more than I can handle. I know I am very close to my limit right now, but I am not over it.
Have you pushed your limits lately? How do you challenge yourself?
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