Fifty Pounds and Counting

So, I think I've mentioned it before...but I have now lost over fifty pounds (fifty two to be exact...as pictured below)!  Since October of 2009, I have shed what feels like a whole person.  My weight loss journey has been incredibly successful, and I am now just two pounds away from the lowest I have ever weighed in my adult life.  It's pretty surreal to see that scale, measuring 158 pounds, when a year ago it was 210.  I am ecstatic, elated, proud!  That said, my journey has become so much more than weight loss.  I have become so incredibly aware of something that weight loss merely reflects:  my health.

The reason I know that this weight loss stuff is no longer about being skinny (because let's face it, that what it started as) is because I haven't had the chance to get in a good work out in weeks.  I haven't gained any weight.  In fact, I have actually lost a pound or two despite of the fact.  But I am unhappy!  I don't want to go to the gym because it makes me skinny. I want to go because I want to be healthy!  I want to be active!  I want to be physical! 

Yesterday I took my kids outside to the back yard, which has been under three feet of snow all winter long.  It has melted into one big, soggy pile of mud and grass, but we felt the need to get outside.  So we all got on our boots and headed out.  I was able to run around and play soccer for a while, and I didn`t want to stop!  I felt like my whole body was coming alive as I ran around and laughed and tackled kids (because I am a cheater) after a long winter hibernation.  This is a completely new feeling for me.  I like to sit and watch.  I am an observer, not a participator.  But when they started kicking that ball around, I couldn`t help but join in.  Seriously, I couldn`t sit down!  What a strange sensation.

This strange phenomenon isn`t limited to playing outside.  I love working out, which I have mentioned before.  I love to sweat, and hurt, and move.  Man, if you knew me five years ago, ten years ago, fifteen years ago, you will know that I was as big a bump on a log as it gets.  I only took phys ed while it was compulsory.  I never joined a sport unless someone made me.  I walked instead of running.  I was as lazy as could be, and I didn`t care what that meant for my health!  Now, I am at a healthy weight again and I don`t want to stop being active.  I am actually frustrated that I can`t be more active!  Actually, frustrated is an understatement...

My outlook on health has changed so incredibly much in the past year and a half, as I have chronicled on this blog at great length.  I just can`t get enough!  I am not opposed to indulging in the occasional treat, but I am seeing the benefits of choosing healthier options instead, and I seriously care about my body.  I am not going to tell you that I don`t still have a desire to be `skinny`.  I do.  I want to look good.  This is something that is quite important to me.  I want to feel attractive and know that other people see me that way.  But I don`t necessarily think there is anything wrong with that, as long as I love myself to begin with (which I do, more and more). The thing is, I now see weight loss as a product of my overall health, not the end goal.

So here`s to changing perspectives and a fifty two pound weight loss!  Even though I`m frustrated with my current non-working out status, I am incredibly happy with the fact that I actually want to do it! And here`s to health!  Take some time today to remember just how much your health means to you...and if you care less than you should, maybe take a moment to think on that.