How Do You Perceive Yourself?

What do you see when you look in the mirror?  A common symptom in people who have disorders like anorexia is a distorted view of their bodies that doesn't reflect what is actually, physically there.  Unfortunately, this distortion isn't isolated to eating disorders.  Many women who struggle with weight and body image will view themselves this way.  What we do is focus on all the negative parts on our bodies; the parts we wish we could change.  We fixate on those parts and ignore the good ones, creating a negative self-perception that continues to perpetuate itself.  Soon, we are unable to look at our good qualities and losing weight is virtually impossible.  It takes a positive attitude and the ability to forgive ourselves to take the weight off and change our lives so it stays off.  We need to see ourselves in reality, and be able to picture the future self instead of focusing on the things we hate now.

The reason I write about this now is because this is something I actually struggle with on a daily basis.  I look at pictures of myself, and I look in the mirror, and it is not the same image.  The self I see in the mirror is fatter than the one in pictures.  The self in the mirror has more bulges, bigger thighs, and a larger stomach.  That self, I don't always like.  The thing is, this is not a true representation of what I look like!  Something in my brain is so used to seeing myself as overweight that it isn't registering that this is no longer the case. 

I don't always see fat me though.  I catch glimpses of myself in store windows, or I walk by a mirror quickly, and I tend to see the real me.  That me looks healthy and fairly slim.  She looks in shape.  She looks like she takes care of her body.  Another way I can see myself in a more realistic light is when I try on clothes that I haven't worn for a long time.  The other day, I took my kids swimming.  This is the first time I have worn my bathing suit since last summer.  I was shocked when I put it on!  There was nothing bulging where it shouldn't be, and it wasn't so tight it sucked the air out of me, like it was last time I wore it.  It was actually a little bit too big, as I found out after getting in the pool.  I saw myself in the mirror at the pool and honestly, I felt like I looked pretty good.  This is a huge first for me!  Old clothes that are too big, or new clothes in smaller sizes help me see what I truly look like.

It is in these fleeting moments that I can see the progress I have made.  When I look at my recent photos, I still think, "Is that really me?"  But I know it is.  I can see that me once in a while, and I really hope that becomes a more common occurrence.  We all struggle with body image at one point or another, but it doesn't have to be this way!  The more I accept that I am living in a new and improved body, the easier it is to see my real self.  The more I have a positive outlook on me, and truly believe that I am beautiful, the easier it is to push those negative, self deprecating thoughts away.  I'm tired of seeing a fat girl that isn't there anymore when I look in the mirror, and I strive to put her out of my mind every day.  She doesn't exist anymore.  I want to see myself as I really am.

Do you struggle with a distorted view of your body?  If you do, try focusing on things you are proud of, and tell yourself that with some hard work and a little love, your body can and will be what you want it to be.