I have a serious problem with intolerance. There are 6 billion different perspectives in this world and yet we as human beings always seem to think that ours is the only one that matters. It's like we are so blinded by our own selves that we not only refuse to see things another way, we simply can't. I am guilty of this. We are all guilty of it. We allow whatever filter that is set before us to dictate what we think and perceive. It is all good and fine for us while we are judging others, but once the judgment is placed on us, it doesn't feel so great. Five years ago, something happened to me that profoundly changed me, and my view on how others live their lives.
I have always been taught to value others and not discriminate. I was taught it was wrong to be racist, prejudiced, sexist and all the other common '-ists.' I was taught that everyone was entitled to their own opinions, and that I wasn't to force my own opinion on them. In the same vein, I was also taught that the Christian church was the one and only truth, and I had to do everything in my power to spread the word amongst my peers. This never quite sat well with me...telling others that their belief systems were wrong and trying to force them to see it my way. I believed, but I couldn't use the church tactics. They taught me that I should scare people into believing by presenting them a fire and brimstone picture of death. They taught me that people's lives were sad and empty without Christianity, so it was my responsibility to bring it to them. What a conflict! Now, I still believe in the basic facets of Christianity, but I don't necessarily think any one person can see the whole picture. I don't think one group has the monopoly on truth.
If there are more than 6 billion people in the world, what is the probability that I am completely right about everything? I'm going to wager a guess of...zero! There's no way I know everything, so why on earth can I presume to push my own beliefs on someone else? How can I think that I am right? There is a greater chance that I am wrong. That doesn't take away from what I believe, but it does make me approach others in a completely different way.
Five years ago, I belonged to a church in my small city. My husband and I were prominent figures in the church, and we thought of them as family. I got caught up in all that the church was doing, including thinking I was completely right about God and spirituality and how people should live. I didn't start thinking this way consciously, but when you are immersed in something so big and profoundly indoctrinating, you cannot help but believe. There came a point where my husband had questions about the doctrine and faith, and instead of allowing us to form our own opinions and beliefs, the church excommunicated us. In a split second, I lost my whole scaffolding of belief, and more importantly, I lost my family. This changed me irreversibly. Rejection and judgment will do that to a person. The really unfortunate thing about it all is that I still have to see all those people from time to time, because my city is so small. I have often contemplated moving, but it seems a little ridiculous to let the fact that people think poorly of my family make me uproot them. It has now been five years, as I have said, and some of those people still treat us like we have leprosy. It is incredibly heartbreaking still, but I have learned to deal with it in a better way. I have learned that the only way to reverse this intolerance is to reject it in my own life by showing compassion and understanding to everyone, no matter what they may think. After all, that's what the church says Jesus did, isn't it?
Don't get me wrong. I still think I'm right sometimes. I don't think I have it all wrong. I have found a great deal of happiness and peace in my belief system, and in the way I choose to live my life. I feel good about the kind of mother I am to my kids, and the job I do in my work. I think my husband and I do a great job at marriage, and we know a thing or two about how to make a relationship work. But wise people understand that in the grand scheme of things they know nothing. So, is my opinion the only one that counts? No. Not even close! But it's okay that I have one. And it's okay to relate it to others, as long as I am not expecting them to change theirs based on what I say. It's not my place to change someone else. I can only work on myself, making sure I am being accepting and compassionate. I am still human, so this is something I have to work on daily, but at least I'm trying. A recent experience with some people from my past has shown me that there are many people who are not. They prefer to live inside their own perception of the world, comfortable and warm, than to entertain the idea that they might not have all the answers. How sad. Truly.
Think of all the things you are closing yourself off to if you choose to think you know it all. Think of the greater depth and breadth of experience you could have if you just peek out from behind your shades once in a while. Above all, I encourage all my readers to try to react to others in understanding and compassion before judgment and ridicule. Because it hurts. And why would you want to purposely hurt another human being?
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