Off the Radar

So, this is week...five in my six week plan, right?  Well, it's kind of dropped off the radar this week.  I've been really stressed by the circumstances I find myself in right now that the last thing on my mind has been my plan.  I know, I know, it is important.  Healthy living should take precedence in the grand scheme of things.  But really, I feel stretched beyond what I am capable of at the moment.  Not in terms of my job or my kids or my marriage, but in terms of my life circumstances.  I wrote about it in my last post though - no sense in rehashing all of that.  Maybe this is some cosmic testing ground...who knows?

Back onto the weight loss subject - I am the same this week as I was last week.  156.  I am fine with my body at this weight.  In fact, I am wearing a size 8, so I really can't complain about it.  This is also the least I have weighed since probably high school or younger, so really, it's kind of a triumph right?  So why do I feel so lousy?  Maybe because I just want more.  I don't want to just feel fine.  I want to feel amazing!  I want to see someone in the mirror I have never seen before.  I want more. 

I don't feel the need to weigh 120 pounds, and look like a stick.  I have never been ashamed of being 'voluptuous'.  I like looking like a woman.  I like curves, and I am proud of them.  I don't need to be 'skinny'.  I need to be healthy and happy and active.  Do I sound like a broken record?  Maybe I'm trying to speak my goals into existence.  Whatever works, right?

So, I need to get back on track.  I think I have discovered the culprit to my stomach issues - dairy.  I suspected it was just that, but needed to find out for sure.  I am, and always have been, lactose intolerant, but it seems to actually be getting worse.  I used to be able to eat yogurt and cheese, but alas, those things I must bid adieu.  I don't really like yogurt anyways, but the cheese is a hard one to give up.  I guess I have to decide if I'd rather live with stomach pain, or eat cheese.  Hmmmmm....tough decision. 

Do you ever struggle like this?  Wanting things you know will make you pay?  Like ice cream!  Oh my gosh, I forgot about ice cream!  I love ice cream.  I don't buy it because I know I'll eat it all in one sitting, but now I have yet another reason.  So sad.

Why do we do things we know are bad for us?  We must all be bad ass rebels....